Change in Direction
So I've been across a major crossroads in my life. I think of my life in periods, all of which I will not bore you with here, but the major and recent ones are...
The Florida Period: Aug 2001-Dec 2003
This was my entrance into the college life. In High School I was all about anti-popularity and it carried over well here. I had "friends" in every college in the area, access to every party, and quite a few girls I could have easily taken to bed. I managed to make school my first priority and get away with good grades, an AA degree, and the ability to be accepted to any school that I would want to go to. I also experimented on drugs, alcohol, and all that jazz. During the week, I worked and schooled. Over the weekend, I got completely wasted and attended every fucking frat party you could imagine. I know what most of you are thinking. Me at a frat party? At any party? Yes, there was a time that I had no problem with social situations. And that time was when I was high as hell. Weed made me a social giant. It got me a girlfriend (a crappy one, but still). It got me popularity. However, I never stuck with any group in particular, except the one which included my cousin and our couple friends. Toward the end of this period, I found that I could not keep up this kind of life. I managed to do well in school, but I still was lost as to what I wanted to do or go after the AA degree was obtained.
Side Note: I also joined Revo during the end of this period. October of 2003. Important? Yes, because it would provide a major outlet of what was to come...
The Arizona Period: Jan 2004-October 2005
This is where shit went really wrong. I thought that with my popuarity in both High School and in Florida, it'd be no problem to get along just fine here. I was clear headed and had a goal when I got here. I quit drinking and smoking and I was ready to go. And so it went, for a while. The first plunge into major depression was caused by the fact that I was majorly depending on my family for support. I could not pay all the bills I had and go to school full time. So as time went by and my depression grew on the subject, my grades dropped. Finally, I failed out of school and that was that. My plan was to work full time and obtain resident status in Arizona, so I could afford the state school. A decent plan, but my depression and lack of energy polluted it. Soon I was working 50-70 hours a week and my little free time went into Revo and the like. I had no friends besides those at work and did nothing socially besides a few times for hanging out with Gabe, which was few and far between. I quickly became emotionally unstable and was looking for anybody I could cling to. This caused a few problems with people I knew online from Revo and other places. This just spiraled me down further until I was actually suicidal. I never gathered the guts to do myself in, but the thought constantly was in my mind.
I don't know how I ended up pulling myself out really. I think I first started to try after going to Vegas with Gabe to meet Rachel. Slowly over time I reminded myself that I had friends and family that cared. This is not to say it was cured then and there, far from it. Then a bombshell hit. Kerri, a very good friend (and supposed lesbian) that I had met on Revo two years prior admitted feelings for me. This left me stunned and taken back. In actuallity it took me two weeks to decide if I had real feelings for Kerri, or if they were just a product of blind lonliness seeking a cure. I thought about all the conversations we've had, how she stuck up for me on countless occassions and how she put up with my cryptic moods and did everything she could to cheer me up. Finally, I decided to admit my feelings to her and our relationship began. This was a major help to my depressive state. Added to the fact that we set up a trip for people to visit in Arizona and I was beginning to feel a lot better. The trip ended well and my feelings for Kerri were confirmed as real and not just a product of my lonliness. Finally the trip ended and I had to move back with my parents, which ended this period and moved me to...
Recovery Period: November 2005-May 2006
There's not much to say about this period. I was recovering well from my depression slowly over time. I got jobs, moved from Maryland to New Jersey a few times. Had visits with Kerri and our relationship developed. I worked and finally got a car. Things went well. I had accumulated a lot of debt in Arizona and I was a long way from paying it off. Then...
Mike and Kerri Period: May 2006-Today
Kerri's parents invited me to stay with them while we worked to get ourselves our own place. Things like my debt and bad credit have gotten in the way, but it has worked out. I can say for sure that my depression is now completely gone. Today I finished paying off the last of my debt and clearing all bad marks off my credit. I have a credit card that is in good standing and will soon have a new car with money to pay it off for a year, making my credit even better. I am back in school and living with the woman I love. Things are good. I am working on getting a better job and soon Kerri and I will be moving into our own place.
Things have changed a lot in me. I've said this before, but I felt like typing this out. I finally feel like I am in a place I belong. That's not to say I've lost my vagabond spirt. I still want to see more of the world. I'm finally cleared of all the debt that was on my back. It feels like freedom. So let's see what will happen in the next period of my life.
The Threesome Period:
>_>
The Florida Period: Aug 2001-Dec 2003
This was my entrance into the college life. In High School I was all about anti-popularity and it carried over well here. I had "friends" in every college in the area, access to every party, and quite a few girls I could have easily taken to bed. I managed to make school my first priority and get away with good grades, an AA degree, and the ability to be accepted to any school that I would want to go to. I also experimented on drugs, alcohol, and all that jazz. During the week, I worked and schooled. Over the weekend, I got completely wasted and attended every fucking frat party you could imagine. I know what most of you are thinking. Me at a frat party? At any party? Yes, there was a time that I had no problem with social situations. And that time was when I was high as hell. Weed made me a social giant. It got me a girlfriend (a crappy one, but still). It got me popularity. However, I never stuck with any group in particular, except the one which included my cousin and our couple friends. Toward the end of this period, I found that I could not keep up this kind of life. I managed to do well in school, but I still was lost as to what I wanted to do or go after the AA degree was obtained.
Side Note: I also joined Revo during the end of this period. October of 2003. Important? Yes, because it would provide a major outlet of what was to come...
The Arizona Period: Jan 2004-October 2005
This is where shit went really wrong. I thought that with my popuarity in both High School and in Florida, it'd be no problem to get along just fine here. I was clear headed and had a goal when I got here. I quit drinking and smoking and I was ready to go. And so it went, for a while. The first plunge into major depression was caused by the fact that I was majorly depending on my family for support. I could not pay all the bills I had and go to school full time. So as time went by and my depression grew on the subject, my grades dropped. Finally, I failed out of school and that was that. My plan was to work full time and obtain resident status in Arizona, so I could afford the state school. A decent plan, but my depression and lack of energy polluted it. Soon I was working 50-70 hours a week and my little free time went into Revo and the like. I had no friends besides those at work and did nothing socially besides a few times for hanging out with Gabe, which was few and far between. I quickly became emotionally unstable and was looking for anybody I could cling to. This caused a few problems with people I knew online from Revo and other places. This just spiraled me down further until I was actually suicidal. I never gathered the guts to do myself in, but the thought constantly was in my mind.
I don't know how I ended up pulling myself out really. I think I first started to try after going to Vegas with Gabe to meet Rachel. Slowly over time I reminded myself that I had friends and family that cared. This is not to say it was cured then and there, far from it. Then a bombshell hit. Kerri, a very good friend (and supposed lesbian) that I had met on Revo two years prior admitted feelings for me. This left me stunned and taken back. In actuallity it took me two weeks to decide if I had real feelings for Kerri, or if they were just a product of blind lonliness seeking a cure. I thought about all the conversations we've had, how she stuck up for me on countless occassions and how she put up with my cryptic moods and did everything she could to cheer me up. Finally, I decided to admit my feelings to her and our relationship began. This was a major help to my depressive state. Added to the fact that we set up a trip for people to visit in Arizona and I was beginning to feel a lot better. The trip ended well and my feelings for Kerri were confirmed as real and not just a product of my lonliness. Finally the trip ended and I had to move back with my parents, which ended this period and moved me to...
Recovery Period: November 2005-May 2006
There's not much to say about this period. I was recovering well from my depression slowly over time. I got jobs, moved from Maryland to New Jersey a few times. Had visits with Kerri and our relationship developed. I worked and finally got a car. Things went well. I had accumulated a lot of debt in Arizona and I was a long way from paying it off. Then...
Mike and Kerri Period: May 2006-Today
Kerri's parents invited me to stay with them while we worked to get ourselves our own place. Things like my debt and bad credit have gotten in the way, but it has worked out. I can say for sure that my depression is now completely gone. Today I finished paying off the last of my debt and clearing all bad marks off my credit. I have a credit card that is in good standing and will soon have a new car with money to pay it off for a year, making my credit even better. I am back in school and living with the woman I love. Things are good. I am working on getting a better job and soon Kerri and I will be moving into our own place.
Things have changed a lot in me. I've said this before, but I felt like typing this out. I finally feel like I am in a place I belong. That's not to say I've lost my vagabond spirt. I still want to see more of the world. I'm finally cleared of all the debt that was on my back. It feels like freedom. So let's see what will happen in the next period of my life.
The Threesome Period:
>_>