Run and tell that
Here's some thoughts after reading 'A Woman and Her God' - the chapter on Transforming Your Self-Concept by Sandra D. Wilson:
So many Christian books talk of being rejected, abused, abandoned as a child, giving reason to why we feel, do, think, behave the way we do now. I never really resonated with this whole "dysfunctional-family-hence-I'm'screwed-up-now" reasoning. I don't feel that my family is dysfunctional - in fact, I believe that my parents did a good job raising my brother and I up to adulthood. My dad didn't walk out on us, I didn't have a alcoholic mother beating me up, my parents were there in the milestones of my life.
Yet I feel loneliness, emptiness, rejection, abandonment in my heart. Doesn't everybody? We try to fill our emptiness through other imperfect human beings. They fall short, and we come away thinking we were insufficient/too much for people to handle. Too ugly to be loved, too needy to be filled, too incapable to be respected, too despicable to be cherished. Naturally, our experiences in life contribute to our self-concept. Personally, I realised I've been feeling so inadequate. Too large in size, too pessimistic in thinking, too unforgiving in attitude towards some others, to be loved by man. I'd read some of the reflections my youths had written two years back when they were 16 years old, and I think... I doubt I have been a good role model to them. About my youths as well as the girls I disciple in campus ministry, I don't feel that I gave enough of myself for them. And it then it extends also to how I feel about my Daddy God. But I think that all in all, the emptiness in each of our hearts is due to the effect of sin in the world - no, not a punishment for personal sin, but the repercussion of the fall of man.
That helps me to understand my own heart and mind. Why I feel/think/do the way I do, why I believe in my God YHWH, why this relationship with Jesus is something I'm so grateful for. The deep soul satisfaction can only come from this love relationship with Jesus; the soul connection I crave to have with people will only lead to disappointment unless I am first wholly invested in this process of knowing, loving, and being loved by my God. This healing of my soul is a lifelong process, but I'm worth it; and He's worth my- our- complete devotion.
"The worth of something is determined by the price someone is willing to pay for it" - and yes, you got it - Jesus died to reconcile us to God, to close the gap that was brought about by our unholiness/sinfulness pushing our holy God away from us. This I know - I am loved. My Daddy will not abandon me. He is proud of me. Jesus cherishes me. I am His precious princess.
And God, simply because He's God, deserves all the glory and honour and praise.
Ephesians 3:17 (NLT) writes, "And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love." Lord, I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in my heart as I trust in You. As I read Your word and know Your character, I trust in You... and experience the reality of Your love day by day.
And about experiencing this practically now in my studies, relationships, in myself? "Healing in the personal area of a woman's life would involve a secure sense of being unworthy but not worthless, with a consistent focus on God's adequacy rather than our own inadequacy..." It's not so much of striving, trying so hard to be something or someone. Daddy, help me on this daily experiencing of You. And I then simply just go and tell others about what You have done and is doing in my life. In leadership, in friendship, in simply being - first just to dwell in You & grow in our relationship; then to go, and tell. Thank you Dad :)
So many Christian books talk of being rejected, abused, abandoned as a child, giving reason to why we feel, do, think, behave the way we do now. I never really resonated with this whole "dysfunctional-family-hence-I'm'screwed-up-now" reasoning. I don't feel that my family is dysfunctional - in fact, I believe that my parents did a good job raising my brother and I up to adulthood. My dad didn't walk out on us, I didn't have a alcoholic mother beating me up, my parents were there in the milestones of my life.
Yet I feel loneliness, emptiness, rejection, abandonment in my heart. Doesn't everybody? We try to fill our emptiness through other imperfect human beings. They fall short, and we come away thinking we were insufficient/too much for people to handle. Too ugly to be loved, too needy to be filled, too incapable to be respected, too despicable to be cherished. Naturally, our experiences in life contribute to our self-concept. Personally, I realised I've been feeling so inadequate. Too large in size, too pessimistic in thinking, too unforgiving in attitude towards some others, to be loved by man. I'd read some of the reflections my youths had written two years back when they were 16 years old, and I think... I doubt I have been a good role model to them. About my youths as well as the girls I disciple in campus ministry, I don't feel that I gave enough of myself for them. And it then it extends also to how I feel about my Daddy God. But I think that all in all, the emptiness in each of our hearts is due to the effect of sin in the world - no, not a punishment for personal sin, but the repercussion of the fall of man.
That helps me to understand my own heart and mind. Why I feel/think/do the way I do, why I believe in my God YHWH, why this relationship with Jesus is something I'm so grateful for. The deep soul satisfaction can only come from this love relationship with Jesus; the soul connection I crave to have with people will only lead to disappointment unless I am first wholly invested in this process of knowing, loving, and being loved by my God. This healing of my soul is a lifelong process, but I'm worth it; and He's worth my- our- complete devotion.
"The worth of something is determined by the price someone is willing to pay for it" - and yes, you got it - Jesus died to reconcile us to God, to close the gap that was brought about by our unholiness/sinfulness pushing our holy God away from us. This I know - I am loved. My Daddy will not abandon me. He is proud of me. Jesus cherishes me. I am His precious princess.
And God, simply because He's God, deserves all the glory and honour and praise.
Ephesians 3:17 (NLT) writes, "And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love." Lord, I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in my heart as I trust in You. As I read Your word and know Your character, I trust in You... and experience the reality of Your love day by day.
And about experiencing this practically now in my studies, relationships, in myself? "Healing in the personal area of a woman's life would involve a secure sense of being unworthy but not worthless, with a consistent focus on God's adequacy rather than our own inadequacy..." It's not so much of striving, trying so hard to be something or someone. Daddy, help me on this daily experiencing of You. And I then simply just go and tell others about what You have done and is doing in my life. In leadership, in friendship, in simply being - first just to dwell in You & grow in our relationship; then to go, and tell. Thank you Dad :)
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