Here in Your presence, we are undone.
It seems that one thing common among A levellers, at least some that I know; all have regrets/qualms about the impact that studying for the A levels have/had on their friendships.
I feel like I've grown to forget the importance of making someone feel special about themself. It may sound like a trivial issue, but it's a quality that I value and hope to embrace.. With present circumstances, I find it so difficult to do that. It's not just neglecting this particular value that I want to have, but almost like rejecting it altogether.
Mr Ong also talked to me during PMT about spending time on friends. I needed to cut down time & effort on them, and channel them to my studies instead. To tell my friends, hope that they understand how much important the time now till November is to me. But, he said, if it was a matter of myself not being able to let go, that's a different matter altogether..
But how then? Outside friends i.e. church, ex-schoolmates, ex-classmates understand. But what about current school- & classmates? It's not as if I should be shunning then and mugging my ass off every waking moment. How do I balance friendship and studies then?
To be the difference for Christ. Lord, why is it so hard? It seems like not even my spirit is willing to do so. I want to be a true follower of Jesus. I want to be that light in the darkness for others, pointing to You, but seems like I don't want it badly enough..?
However, I know all these things happen for a reason. I need to learn. I will push myself! And pray, Lord, that You grant me that strength, really, to go through each day.. Teach me, mold me, guide me O God.
When it comes to sin, the Holy Spirit is about conviction, repentance, restoration and transformation. Satan is about shame, condemnation, self-hatred and paralyzation. If Satan can keep us trapped in shame and condemnation, causing us to feel dirty (which typically serves to keep us acting dirty) he can steal our ecstatic joy of knowing and loving Christ and can effectively shut us down from advancing the Kingdom of God.
I think Satan had hoped he could accomplish this with Peter. I think Peter must have thought he was disqualified at some level for having denied Christ, a tragic sin - and Peter knew it.
I've often wondered if Peter's decision to "go fishing" after all he'd seen and experienced was in some way a resignation of sorts from the position and calling he had as an apostle. "I denied the Lord. I'm sure I'm of no use to Him now. I guess I'll go back to the family business."
Peter had been so confident in his love for Jesus, but his failure brought everything into question, at least in his own mind. Jesus restores Peter in a powerful scene on the shoreline by asking him three times (the same number of times Peter had denied Jesus), "Do you love me?" Note that God does not ask questions because He does not know the answer. Jesus knew Peter loved Him. It was Peter who had doubts about his own love for Christ. It's as if Jesus is saying, "You see, Peter, you really do love me, so stop doubting and start feeding my sheep!"
Emphasis added by yours truly. It was that italicized part which really touched me. Many a time I've doubted my own love for God.. After serving so long, am I doing it for God anymore? If I can't love my friends around me, the people around me, then do I really love God as much as I say I do? These questions swirling in my head didn't really seem to have a definite answer - or at least, I didn't want to say "yes Lord, I do love You!" when I'm not sure if I did or not. Same logic as sometimes not being willing to sing praise songs when I feel like I didn't mean it..
But my faith is founded in God's love for me.
I believe in You.
(As in YSG time last Sunday: Believe = "I believe, will believe, and go on believing..")
I feel like I've grown to forget the importance of making someone feel special about themself. It may sound like a trivial issue, but it's a quality that I value and hope to embrace.. With present circumstances, I find it so difficult to do that. It's not just neglecting this particular value that I want to have, but almost like rejecting it altogether.
Mr Ong also talked to me during PMT about spending time on friends. I needed to cut down time & effort on them, and channel them to my studies instead. To tell my friends, hope that they understand how much important the time now till November is to me. But, he said, if it was a matter of myself not being able to let go, that's a different matter altogether..
But how then? Outside friends i.e. church, ex-schoolmates, ex-classmates understand. But what about current school- & classmates? It's not as if I should be shunning then and mugging my ass off every waking moment. How do I balance friendship and studies then?
To be the difference for Christ. Lord, why is it so hard? It seems like not even my spirit is willing to do so. I want to be a true follower of Jesus. I want to be that light in the darkness for others, pointing to You, but seems like I don't want it badly enough..?
However, I know all these things happen for a reason. I need to learn. I will push myself! And pray, Lord, that You grant me that strength, really, to go through each day.. Teach me, mold me, guide me O God.
When it comes to sin, the Holy Spirit is about conviction, repentance, restoration and transformation. Satan is about shame, condemnation, self-hatred and paralyzation. If Satan can keep us trapped in shame and condemnation, causing us to feel dirty (which typically serves to keep us acting dirty) he can steal our ecstatic joy of knowing and loving Christ and can effectively shut us down from advancing the Kingdom of God.
I think Satan had hoped he could accomplish this with Peter. I think Peter must have thought he was disqualified at some level for having denied Christ, a tragic sin - and Peter knew it.
I've often wondered if Peter's decision to "go fishing" after all he'd seen and experienced was in some way a resignation of sorts from the position and calling he had as an apostle. "I denied the Lord. I'm sure I'm of no use to Him now. I guess I'll go back to the family business."
Peter had been so confident in his love for Jesus, but his failure brought everything into question, at least in his own mind. Jesus restores Peter in a powerful scene on the shoreline by asking him three times (the same number of times Peter had denied Jesus), "Do you love me?" Note that God does not ask questions because He does not know the answer. Jesus knew Peter loved Him. It was Peter who had doubts about his own love for Christ. It's as if Jesus is saying, "You see, Peter, you really do love me, so stop doubting and start feeding my sheep!"
Emphasis added by yours truly. It was that italicized part which really touched me. Many a time I've doubted my own love for God.. After serving so long, am I doing it for God anymore? If I can't love my friends around me, the people around me, then do I really love God as much as I say I do? These questions swirling in my head didn't really seem to have a definite answer - or at least, I didn't want to say "yes Lord, I do love You!" when I'm not sure if I did or not. Same logic as sometimes not being willing to sing praise songs when I feel like I didn't mean it..
But my faith is founded in God's love for me.
I believe in You.
(As in YSG time last Sunday: Believe = "I believe, will believe, and go on believing..")