In Your freedom I will live.
Passion and Purity
Elisabeth Elliot
A slip of paper handed to me at a seminar had this question written on it: "What do you do when you feel you've come to a point that your singlehood appears to be an inadequate status for deep personal growth? How long do you hang on?"
Good thing I wasn't on the platform when that question came. I might have chuckled. I toyed with the idea of giving a facetious answer: "Give it three days, then go out and either ask somebody to marry you or hang yourself."
But of course that was not what I said. The crux of the matter is that phrase "an inadequate status for deep personal growth". Is that what singleness is? Does that mean that marriage and only marriage is an adequate status for deep personal growth? How ever did Jesus manage, then, as a single man?
Whenever did singleness become a stage where personal growth or growth in Christ become hindered? I completely agree with what Elisabeth Elliot has written, although at my age it is not marriage that most are considering, but having a romantic relationship.
As to those who have already pursued a romantic interest before or are in a romantic relationship right now, you are not beyond hope of having purity. I myself almost have been in one, and even though I have not 'officially' been a relationship, it might as well have been. But none of us are completely banished from purity. We were never completely pure in the first place. But through Christ, through His blood, there is.
There was this time where he had told me that he believed he would grow more in Christ if we were together. Hell, is that a decision suited for him to make? Singleness is a gift, not an irritant or hindrance. If he had decided to grow in Christ in the first place, he would never have need to be in a relationship with me to achieve that. This may sound egoistic, but I'm just hoping that many more would learn from the very mistake that I made.. That is, to not stand firm at the very beginning and stick to my wanting to follow Him, surrendering myself and my desires completely.
Purity is a direction, not simply a line that forbids no man to cross. I had asked him to help me with something; we met up for lunch at McDonald's. When he tried to hold my hand, succeeding a few times but resulting in me pulling away after that, I knew it was a wrong decision to meet up. From the very start, I erred.
Our whole story went a long way back. Our friendship quickly grew and resulted in both parties liking each other. At that point in time, I'd wanted to give my all to God; besides, my studies were going downhill as well. Our friendship then had gone on to phone calls almost every night, one time even ending only at 3am in the morning. That was when I made the decision to sever all contact with him until I get things straightened out (as I was very confused about everything then: my feelings for him, my commitment to God, etc.). However, I was too soft-hearted and my desire overruled my head which was urging me to be like stone to his pleas because I knew I would get sucked in.
Eventually, I still got sucked in. But after a while, after many events later, I got sick and tired of it. Sick of my betrayal to my family (I lied to them a few times because of our relationship - though not dating), of my betrayal to myself and God. Tired of his constant whining and wanting me to continue correspondence with him to meet his needs. So I finally did what I should have done since the beginning - sever connection between us.
I have never regretted that action since; he had hurt me too much, and the want to grow deeper in Christ was stronger than my reluctance to hurt him. I hurt him, I know, but it was inevitable. Our friendship has never been the same after that.. I just pray that God will heal the hurt. I still pain from thinking about all that had happened, and I only blame myself for allowing them to happen. I felt I was stripped from my purity ever since he had held my hands, and had never forgiven him for that. But I have since dwelled instead in His love, gaining purity by His blood on the Cross.
And I pray that God's grace will come upon me, for me to be able to forgive him for hurting me. After all, Jesus forgave my sins; what can others do to me I cannot forgive them for?
Elisabeth Elliot
A slip of paper handed to me at a seminar had this question written on it: "What do you do when you feel you've come to a point that your singlehood appears to be an inadequate status for deep personal growth? How long do you hang on?"
Good thing I wasn't on the platform when that question came. I might have chuckled. I toyed with the idea of giving a facetious answer: "Give it three days, then go out and either ask somebody to marry you or hang yourself."
But of course that was not what I said. The crux of the matter is that phrase "an inadequate status for deep personal growth". Is that what singleness is? Does that mean that marriage and only marriage is an adequate status for deep personal growth? How ever did Jesus manage, then, as a single man?
Whenever did singleness become a stage where personal growth or growth in Christ become hindered? I completely agree with what Elisabeth Elliot has written, although at my age it is not marriage that most are considering, but having a romantic relationship.
As to those who have already pursued a romantic interest before or are in a romantic relationship right now, you are not beyond hope of having purity. I myself almost have been in one, and even though I have not 'officially' been a relationship, it might as well have been. But none of us are completely banished from purity. We were never completely pure in the first place. But through Christ, through His blood, there is.
There was this time where he had told me that he believed he would grow more in Christ if we were together. Hell, is that a decision suited for him to make? Singleness is a gift, not an irritant or hindrance. If he had decided to grow in Christ in the first place, he would never have need to be in a relationship with me to achieve that. This may sound egoistic, but I'm just hoping that many more would learn from the very mistake that I made.. That is, to not stand firm at the very beginning and stick to my wanting to follow Him, surrendering myself and my desires completely.
Purity is a direction, not simply a line that forbids no man to cross. I had asked him to help me with something; we met up for lunch at McDonald's. When he tried to hold my hand, succeeding a few times but resulting in me pulling away after that, I knew it was a wrong decision to meet up. From the very start, I erred.
Our whole story went a long way back. Our friendship quickly grew and resulted in both parties liking each other. At that point in time, I'd wanted to give my all to God; besides, my studies were going downhill as well. Our friendship then had gone on to phone calls almost every night, one time even ending only at 3am in the morning. That was when I made the decision to sever all contact with him until I get things straightened out (as I was very confused about everything then: my feelings for him, my commitment to God, etc.). However, I was too soft-hearted and my desire overruled my head which was urging me to be like stone to his pleas because I knew I would get sucked in.
Eventually, I still got sucked in. But after a while, after many events later, I got sick and tired of it. Sick of my betrayal to my family (I lied to them a few times because of our relationship - though not dating), of my betrayal to myself and God. Tired of his constant whining and wanting me to continue correspondence with him to meet his needs. So I finally did what I should have done since the beginning - sever connection between us.
I have never regretted that action since; he had hurt me too much, and the want to grow deeper in Christ was stronger than my reluctance to hurt him. I hurt him, I know, but it was inevitable. Our friendship has never been the same after that.. I just pray that God will heal the hurt. I still pain from thinking about all that had happened, and I only blame myself for allowing them to happen. I felt I was stripped from my purity ever since he had held my hands, and had never forgiven him for that. But I have since dwelled instead in His love, gaining purity by His blood on the Cross.
And I pray that God's grace will come upon me, for me to be able to forgive him for hurting me. After all, Jesus forgave my sins; what can others do to me I cannot forgive them for?