When are tears no more?

[kryshawk]

My best friend and I were putting up the Christmas tree decorations tonight. When going through them, I ran across the special tree orniments that I get one every year. I ran across the one for Sam & I's engagement, Marriage, First Christmas, and Honeymoon. When I got to the first Christmas, I broke down and cried. I thought I moved on right? I filed the divorce papers.

As much love as I had for my soon to be ex husband who I have to remind myself that he does not love me, no longer finds me attractive, and never wants kids. He's the one that chose another, he's the one who had feelings toward another....why am I crying over memories of him?

Memories like the time that Sam kept promising me that we would get a Christmas tree and it was Christmas Eve, and I didn't have a tree. I was so mad at him telling him how important it was to me and what it meant to me to have a Christmas tree in the house. And would you know, he brought home in the middle of the night after I had gone to bed, his sisters fake tree and him and his dad set it up while I was sleeping. They even decorated it. It meant so much to me.

Maybe that is why I am crying tonight. Remembering good times and feeling that loss.