#36: bones, sinking like stones (1/4)
Title: bones, sinking like stones
Rating: pg-13
Other pairings involved: myungstal, siblings!jungsis, bff!jungli
Length: 21, 145w
Summary: soojung buries her memories in the drift. kim jongin digs them back up.
Warnings: character death, mentions of blood
PART I
2022, September 1. Incheon Shatterdome.
She wakes to the alarm blaring in her ears, her room bathed in a red glow that continually fades in and out, in and out, like the rhythmic rocking of waves. For a moment Soojung lies still in bed, staring at the ceiling. She thinks she’s still dreaming, still out in the middle of the East China Sea, but then her heart clenches and the bile rises in the back of her throat and she knows all too well that the despair rising in her gut is all too familiar for this to be a dream.
She sits up too fast, clutching a hand to her head and tangling her fingers in her hair as the world spins around her. Booted feet clang in harried steps on the metal grates outside her room, frenzied yells echoing down the corridor. On mornings - nights - like these, Soojung has half a mind to burrow back down under the covers and try to swallow back the grief that threatens to drown her. The other half of her mind knows that she has to be down at LOCCENT to ask the perfunctory question (“Is there anything I can do?”) and hear the same unspoken answer every time (“There isn’t much you can do alone.”).
She reaches out for her clock, her mind still in a haze, and knocks it over. Soojung curses, and falls back against the pillow while she waits for the blood to stop rushing to her head. She stares at the wall opposite her, watches the red light splash across the steel cladding in regular spurts. They’re still yelling outside.
Crash Nebula report to Bay 6, level A-45. Crash Nebula report to Bay 6, level A-45.
One day she’ll hear her own name echoing down the corridor again, hear it blared through loudspeakers. One day she’ll hear the slight panic that always tinges the end of her name as it crackles into her room. One day. That day is not today. Soojung closes her eyes, but sleep doesn’t come so easily these days. Minutes pass. The voices outside her room subside but the alarm is still ringing. They need to work on their response time, she thinks almost bitterly.
Finally she throws back the covers, buries the despair under a mantra of you’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay and pulls on a military jacket before heading out the door.
Mission control is a mess. Yixing is typing furiously at his computer as Marshall Song stands tensely behind him, her hands clasped behind her stick straight back. She glances at Soojung when she enters and nods her head slightly in greeting. Soojung nods back. “Where the hell are they?” Yixing mutters, then sighs with apparent relief when a red light flashes on the screen - another beeping signal among the others that adorn his desktop. Soojung wonders how anyone can find anything under the mess of blinking lights and buttons, but as Yixing sweeps a hand through his hair and turns around, she figures that if there’s anyone who can make sense of chaos, it would be Yixing.
“They’re ready, ma’am,” he looks up at Marshall Song. “Good morning, Soojung.” He smiles and extends his wrist to her in their daily ritual. She stares at his watch. 3.15am. She’d only fallen asleep 2 hours before. No wonder.
“Morning,” she manages with a grimace.
“Engage drop, Mr. Zhang,” Marshall Song says.
Yixing turns back to his screen. “Engaging drop, ma’am. Marshall Victoria Song on deck, securing the Conn Pod, prepare for drop.” His fingers are dancing across the keyboard. Soojung has seen him do this a million times beforehand, but every time she does her respect for Yixing grows just a little more. If there is anyone who would be the human epitome of the calm in the storm, it would be J-Tech Chief LOCCENT Officer Zhang Yixing. “Alright, Crash Nebula, prepare for neural handshake.” Pause. Yixing stretches. “Neural handshake established. Let’s go, guys. Deploying to Tianjin in 3, 2, 1.”
While waiting for Crash Nebula to get to its destination (“Approximately 30 minutes, if you guys had woken up earlier you’d be there by now.”), Yixing stretches again, looks up more information on his screen, then nods to himself with satisfaction. “Neural handshake strong and holding.” He scoops up the large paper cup sitting by his side and hands it behind him to Soojung without looking away from the screen. “Have a drink. You look like you need a wake-up call.”
Soojung takes a sip and makes a face. “Why the hell are you drinking cold bubble tea at 3.30 in the morning?” she scrunches up her nose.
“Woke you up though, didn’t it?” Yixing replies with a light laugh. “Nothing like chewing on plastic balls to get your mind working at a time like this. Jinri always used to say that I was a total weirdo for eating crap like that, but she could never resist when I made a cup for her.”
Soojung feels the grief rising in her throat again, and she hastily takes another sip to push it back down. She ends up choking on one of his stupid little tapioca pearls, hastily blinking back tears. She tells herself that it’s the choking making her eyes well up.
“Hey, don’t go dying on me, Soojung.” Yixing's tone is still light. Soojung hears the unspoken too echo around the room.
“Mr. Zhang,” Victoria glowers slightly.
“Sorry ma’am,” Yixing hunkers down again, but Soojung catches the slight grin still playing on his lips. “Neural handshake still going strong. All systems are go. Your orders, Marshall?”
Victoria bends over the microphone. “Ladies, your orders. Tonight you are to just hold the miracle mile off Tianjin. It’s a category 2, weighing in at 2, 300 tons. Codename: Onyang. Now, we don’t want to be careless just because it’s a category 2, alright? Stay vigilant.” Her voice is strong, firm, as always. Soojung has always liked that about Marshall Song.
“Yes, ma’am,” comes a female voice, girlish and high. “Sorry for the delay Marshall, Hyuna always had a problem with sleeping through alarms,” adds another voice, lower and more mischievous, but female nonetheless.
“This is not the time for jokes, Miss Liu,” Victoria doesn’t even twitch.
A chuckle. “Roger that, Marshall. Crash Nebula moving out!” The connection cuts off. Victoria looks over at Soojung.
“She isn’t my responsibility anymore,” Soojung cuts in before she can say anything, her arms crossed over her chest. Victoria gives her a slight smile before resuming her watch over Yixing’s shoulder. Soojung doesn’t like the all too familiar look on her face.
It only takes an hour for Crash Nebula to bring Onyang to its knees, 12 miles away from the coastline. It’s a little too close for comfort for all of them, and Soojung tries to convince herself that this is for the best, that this what they all need when Victoria beckons to her after letting Nebula know that the Jumphawks are on their way to bring them back to the Shatterdome. The clock resets. Another Kaiju turned into food for the fishes. Life goes on.
“Miss Jung,” Victoria starts as Soojung follows her out into the corridor. “I’m sure that what I am about to tell you will come as no surprise.” Soojung tries to keep her face as neutral as possible despite the dull ache in her chest. Here it comes again. “So far we’ve been successful in defending the area under our jurisdiction with Crash Nebula, but I’ve come to the decision that Nebula may not be enough anymore. Kaiju attacks are increasing, and this category 2 tonight was a rare - and perhaps, lucky - event.” Marshall Song pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.
“Marshall, Hyuna’s inability to wake up isn’t such a hard problem to fix,” Soojung quips. “We just need to put an alarm next to her bed.”
“There already is one,” Victoria doesn’t waver. “But that’s beside the point. It’s time. Be in the Kwoon tomorrow at 0800 hours sharp. Mr. Kang thinks this one will be perfect for you.”
“They’re always perfect for me,” Soojung says, but Marshall Song is already striding back into mission control. "They're always perfect for me," she repeats under her breath as she watches the Marshall's retreating back.
Soojung dreams of water flooding into her room. She thrashes in her bed, but her arms and legs are tied down. She looks up at her wrists as the water rises up over her head, devouring every inch of her body. Her chains are IV drips. She opens her mouth in a voiceless underwater scream, and feels the water filling her lungs. A moment of desperation, and then resignation. This is how I die. She watches the last of her air bubbles escape to the surface. It's eerily calm in the black water.
Arms. An embrace around her shoulders. Warm. Her skin is cold. His skin is warm. She looks back. Looks into the rotting face of a dark haired boy who once had eyes like the sun. He lifts a decomposing hand - white, white like death -, places it over her nose. Drags her down into the deep amidst ghostly whispers of unfinished I love yous and shamed I'm sorrys.
Soojung wakes up drenched in cold sweat. She thinks it might be the fragments of her nightmare still clinging to her, reminding her that this is how she died.
His name is Kim Jongin. Taller than her, healthy tan skin, muscular in the lean sort of way that Soojung has seen too many times before. She makes a remark to Minhyuk about feeding his trainees right, but he merely scoffs and waves it off. Soojung is used to it. She’s used to this procedure, of staring a complete stranger in the face and knowing that this whole stint in the Kwoon combat room is just a matter of protocol because if there’s anything Soojung is good at, it’s staring a complete stranger in the face and knowing exactly how to be their partner.
“You and I both know I don’t need to be here,” she mutters to Minhyuk as Kim Jongin removes his standard-issue army boots and places them at the side of the mat. There is no one else in line with him, though a small crowd has gathered behind him at the other end of the Kwoon. Soojung spots Amber leaning against the doorframe, and returns a nod when she wiggles her fingers at her.
“Well, formalities and all that, you know?” Minhyuk shrugs. Soojung leans slightly towards him and peers at the clipboard in his hands; just one name printed on the list, just as she suspected. Minhyuk catches her looking and moves the clipboard away with a slight frown. “You ready to go?”
Soojung hears footsteps behind her and then Marshall Song is beside her, hands behind her back. “Everything ready, Mr. Kang?” she asks. Minhyuk bows slightly before nodding. “And not a minute too soon, Marshall,” he adds with a slight smile as he glances at the clock. 8am sharp. Victoria always had impeccable timing.
“Let’s go, Miss Jung,” Victoria says lightheartedly, and Soojung closes her eyes, feels herself breathe, and loses herself for a few seconds in the darkness. “Miss Jung.” Soojung opens her eyes.She shrugs off her jacket and undoes the laces of her boots before stepping on to the blue mat set in the middle of the Kwoon. It feels familiar under her feet, but it doesn’t feel like home. She feels as though she’s stepping on water, and any minute now she’ll lose her footing and fall in and drown.
“Artemis Fury co-pilot candidate 1 Kim Jongin,” Minhyuk announces as she twirls her hanbo in her hands, familiarizing herself with the feel of it. He steps forward, and their eyes meet. Full lips and a stare that goes straight through her - but it doesn’t faze her one bit. She can see the steely will behind his eyes, but none of it matters because she already knows how this will end.
He bows first. His movements are sharp, his bow executed in a manner both graceful and powerful, and she feels something stir in her gut as she clicks her heels together and bows back. When they straighten and lock eyes again, Jongin smirks slightly. “I won’t hold back with you, sunbaenim,” he tells her in a voice deeper than she expected, and the word feels almost foreign to her ears now. English is the standard mode of conversation even in the Incheon Shatterdome, and the last time she’d spoken Korean with anyone was...
“Good,” she twirls her hanbo around and locks it in at her side. “Then I expect you to keep up.” She’s aware of the little twinge of nervousness in the base of her spine, that her heart is pounding harder with every passing second. It’s been two years since she’d last done this with a stranger, and she’s suddenly afraid. Afraid of working so hard to gather her life back into her hands again only to have it pulled out and scattered into the ocean by a monster. By a machine. She’s always found it difficult to distinguish between the two.
She half expects Jongin to be insulted by her little quip, but he smiles instead. And Soojung falls with a great splash into the water.
He has eyes like the sun.
Her breathing is shallow, the pain in her chest choking her, but Minhyuk is calling for the start of the trial and everything is blurring in front of her eyes. She’s dimly aware of Jongin sliding into his stance, his hanbo held upright at chest level, but she doesn’t register until he smacks her on the arm. It knocks her out of her trance, and she snaps her head to look at him. He’s not smiling anymore, but his eyes still carry that trace of a sunny smirk behind them. She swallows.
“1 - 0.”
“Concentrate, Soojung!” Amber yells from behind Jongin, and Soojung grits her teeth before twisting Jongin’s staff out of the way with her own without warning and aiming the point of it at his neck. She cocks her head at him and manages a slight smirk. “Better watch yourself,” she narrows her eyes slightly at him.
“1 - 1.”
“So you really are as good as they say,” Jongin says. The next second he’s backed away, his staff at his chest again. His eyes betray nothing. “Let’s go, sunbaenim.”
Soojung takes a deep breath, crouching into stance. She taps the tip of her hanbo against the floor twice before bringing it back up and looking at him. “For real this time,” she tells him, and then she charges.
Jongin doesn't yield the next point as easily, and she gives him the next one after a lengthy rally. He is fast, much faster than her, and his thin frame betrays the hidden strength that lies behind each blow, but Soojung finds his movements easy to read. Not easy enough to keep herself from losing points though, as Jongin catches her foot with his as she twirls away from him, making her fall backwards on to the mat. He thrusts his hanbo at her, falling short of hitting her in the throat.
“4 - 4.”
Soojung doesn't have to look at Minhyuk to see the bewildered look on his face. She can hear it in his voice, she can feel the same feeling running through her bones. She hasn’t had such a close match with anyone in years, and the sudden realization that she might lose has sparked an adrenaline rush that leaves her breathless.
But how can Minhyuk know that the last time she felt such adrenaline pumping through her veins was the first time she and Sooyeon found out they were Drift compatible?
This. This nagging feeling in the back of her brain - this dull throb forcing her to remember something that she just can't pull to the surface - she knows what this is now. Her eyes meet Jongin’s as he pulls her to her feet and slides back into stance for the final round. He smiles again, and the slow throb quickens in her chest.
This isn't just Drift compatibility. This is something entirely different.
2021, March 23. Incheon Shatterdome.
“Scalpel.”
Soojung does a quick scan of the tools on the tray in front of her; there are 5 scalpels of different sizes and her hands hover over each. “Uhh…” she starts.
“The one on the far left,” Sunyoung barely glances over, her hands wrist-deep in the Kaiju sample on the operating table in front of them. Soojung knows she fought hard for this one; she had heard extensively from Jongdae about how Sunyoung went down to the Seoul Bone Slums and kicked some illegal Kaiju organ dealer butt (and Jongdae would know all too well how that feels).
“You know, this is what the autopsy chamber is for,” she ventures as she hands Sunyoung the smallest scalpel.
Sunyoung smiles through her biohazard visor as she extracts one blue-slime covered hand and takes the tool. “I see all your time spent in here hasn't been a complete waste,” she remarks. “Anyway,” she continues as she slices at something inside the Kaiju organ. “If you don't do these things hands-on you'll never understand anything. Think of it as fighting inside a Jaeger. You don't know how it works until you're actually in it, right?”
“I guess,” Soojung mutters.
“Sorry,” Sunyoung puts down the scalpel. “I didn't mean to bring it up.” She covers one of Soojung’s gloved hands, smearing Kaiju Blue all over it. “You're doing better though, aren't you? I'm sure being down here with me must be so boring you’re almost brain dead by now.” She smiles. “Now I get why you spend so much time with me.”
Soojung forces a laugh. “Actually I'm just down here to escape Jonghyun,” she shrugs. A half truth. “And it is somewhat therapeutic down here, being surrounded by things that can still try to kill me even when they're dead.” She looks around the large room, at the preserved Kaiju parts floating in their containers, at the large pipes and wires running haphazardly across the floor. She can name each machine and is sometimes even allowed to monitor them when everyone goes on lunch break, but she still doesn't know the names to any of the organs. Or she doesn't want to. Kaiju hearts look nothing like her own, but she hasn’t seen her own in a while anyway. Sunyoung gives her one last long look before going back to her work.
“You'll be alright,” she says quietly. “You’ve beaten them seven times, haven't you? You can beat this. Scalpel.” She smiles. “The biggest one this time.”
“You know you're not supposed to be down there,” Minhyuk frowns when she shows up at the Kwoon three minutes late. “K-Science is for scientists, not unstable Jaeger pilots with nowhere to go.” Soojung feels the pinch, but she doesn't say anything. Bluntness has always been one of Minhyuk’s most defining features, and while she's used to it, it still acts as a good enough provoker for her to give her all when she helps trial run Minhyuk’s new routines to teach to the Jaeger Academy cadets.
“The Kwoon is for Fightmasters, not ex-Jaeger pilots with nothing left to do,” she jabs back, and Minhyuk scoffs.
“Okay, the last half hurt but the first part didn't because I am a Fightmaster,” he pats his heart and pretends to look hurt. “I might be your ex-co pilot but you should be grateful that I'm at least still here.”
There's a long, pregnant pause, where Soojung alternates between the pain rising with the tide within her, feeling as if he’s already punched the air out of her, and wanting to hurt him, really hurt him, when he reaches out and puts his hand on her shoulder. “I didn't mean it like that,” he says, completely serious. “I didn't mean it like that at all. I'm sorry Soojung.”
Soojung tries to smile and finds that she can't. “I still see them in my nightmares,” she whispers. “I see him the minute I open my eyes in the morning. When I hear the alarm go off. When I get anywhere close to Bay 2. I see him standing there with this bloody helmet under his arm smiling at me and telling me to get ready. He's not even ready himself, and he has that tuft of hair sticking up on the back of his head that he always gets when he sleeps on his back. And he tells me to get ready, get ready. Like I'll ever be ready to have a Kaiju pull him out of my head.”
She doesn't realize she's weeping until Minhyuk pulls her into a hug, one hand on the back of her head. “You'll be alright,” he says into her crown, just like she knows he would because they are only Drift compatible and nothing else. “You’ll make it through this. You are stronger than you will ever know, Soojung.”
She desperately wants to be.
Instead, she trips him over her foot and flips him on to his back on the mat. “Don't let your guard down,” she tells him. She smiles despite the tear tracks glistening on her cheeks, despite the terrible gaping cavern in her chest where her heart used to be.
Minhyuk just sighs.
2022, September 2. Kwoon combat room.
“5 - 4.”
Silence. Soojung feels like she is drowning.
And then someone starts to clap, and there’s applause and a whoop of “Jongin!” before Victoria raises a hand. The noise dies away.
“Cadet Kim and Ranger Jung, report to the Conn Pod tomorrow at 10am for a test Drift.” Her voice bounces around the concrete walls, and Jongin bows. His eyes meet Soojung’s again, and he tilts his head towards her with a smile. Soojung feels the shiver run down her spine again before she turns, picks up her shoes, and walks out of the room.
“Soojung.”
Soojung keeps walking.
“Soojung!”
This time she stops, takes a deep breath to compose herself, and turns to face Amber Liu.
“What the hell was that?” Soojung can see the confusion on her face reflected in Amber’s eyes. “You could’ve taken him easily, what happened out there?”
“He was strong,” Soojung says, her first words since the start of the match. Her voice breaks. She licks her lips and tries again. “And he was fast.”
“Yes, but he was easy to read.” Amber’s hair is shorter since the last time Soojung saw her, and she can see where Hyuna had been a little heavy handed with the scissors. She tries not to imagine the two pilots of Crash Nebula spending time together, laughing and cutting each other’s hair. Doing things she hasn’t been able to do for a long time. “And your defense is second to none. No one has ever broken past your defense since....” she trails off and checks herself. “What happened?” she repeats slowly. Soojung can see in her eyes that she already knows the answer.
“Nothing happened,” she says shortly. “I lost. He beat me. He’ll be my new co-pilot and that’s all that matters. Let it go, Amber.” She turns and starts walking down the hall, her boots still in her hands, the metal grates cold under her feet. She tells herself that that is the cause of the unsettled feeling in her stomach and nothing else. Nothing else.
“Both you and I know that what you just had out there was not a fight!” Amber calls after her. “I’d hate to sound like Pentecost, but what you just had was a freaking dialogue! You can’t run away from this forever, Soojung!”
Soojung keeps walking.
“Hey.”
Soojung doesn’t recognize the voice as she leans against the railing of the catwalk overlooking Artemis Fury. The technicians are just putting the finishing touches to her, and it’s enough for Soojung to scream. The Jaeger looks almost exactly as it did the first time she set eyes on it 6 years ago in a different Shatterdome with a different co-pilot. It seems like a lifetime ago, but she remembers the moment as well as if it were yesterday.
She looks up and into the eyes of Kim Jongin.
She hesitates, and lowers her gaze. “Hi.” She turns back to the Jaeger. He settles himself beside her, exactly one arms length away. It doesn’t matter how far away you stand, she thinks almost bitterly. In a few hours we’ll be one and the same person.
“It’s beautiful,” Jongin breathes. “Artemis. She’s beautiful.”
“Yeah,” Soojung replies. 6 years of nothing but pain and scars, but she’s still the most beautiful Jaeger around. Not a scratch on that shiny surface. Not a single scratch. For a second she almost feels a stab of jealousy for her Jaeger, wishes she too could hide the scars of the past 6 years beneath a new layer of paint and wax.
“I know you weren’t giving your all out there yesterday, sunbaenim,” he starts. His voice is deep, lower than befits his boyish features, and completely unfamiliar to her. It takes her a few seconds to realize that he’s speaking Korean.
“English,” she corrects him before he can say anything else. “Did the Jaeger Academy not teach you that?”
“You’re more uptight than I imagined,” he switches languages without the slightest hesitation, almost as if he was expecting the admonishment. A slight accent colours his drawl. “It’s interesting, really.”
“What is?” Soojung still doesn’t look at him.
“7 kills in 6 years, 1 of them completely solo,” Jongin says. “One of the youngest pilots in the history of this Kaiju war. Drift compatible with just about anyone, but hasn’t been able to keep a co-pilot for more than 2 years. That’s what’s interesting.” He laughs lightly. Far below them, Soojung watches sparks fly from the foot of Artemis Fury’s foot as the technicians fit a new plate to it.
“Are you mocking me?” she asks, and turns to face him. He smirks, and her heart gives a casual flutter.
“No, I’m giving you respect,” he cocks his head and examines her face. “And I just needed to give you a reason to look at me. Did anyone ever tell you you’re beautiful, sunbaenim?”
Soojung feels her cheeks flare, and is grateful that up here above the holding bays it is still dimly lit. She looks away. “Looks don’t matter in this game that we play,” she remarks.
“Maybe not, but it sure does help to look at something nice when you’re up against a Kaiju with a face like a pile of dogshit,” Jongin replies lightheartedly. He chuckles, and a twinge of annoyance runs up her spine. She straightens, and tosses her hair behind her head.
“Humour won’t help you when you’re out in the ocean with a Kaiju tearing you out of your Drivesuit, Mr. Kim,” she takes one last look at Artemis, and narrows her eyes at her co-pilot. “You don’t know what those things are capable of, but I do. 7 kills in 6 years, 1 completely solo, just like you said. You’ll be safer not taking this lightly. I’ll see you in the Conn Pod. Don’t bring your terrible sense of humour with you.”
She leaves him staring after her as she walks away.
She has a new Drivesuit. Black with a blue tint, red and yellow lines running through the armour like circuits. She vaguely recalls the traditional uniform of the South Korean army, and is grateful that the technicians are giving her another chance at a new life. New uniform, new co-pilot. All nice and shiny like her Jaeger. She can start all over again. She might even be able to forget.
She walks into the Conn Pod - the head of the Jaeger, somewhere she has vaguely been able to call home for the past 6 years - and breathes in. Everything is familiar, yet terrifyingly unfamiliar. Soon she’ll be strapped into place, a stranger beside her. Another stranger. A stranger with eyes like the sun. She breathes out, opens her eyes, and flicks a switch on the control panel. “Setting harness for test mode. Waiting for second pilot.” The two harnesses lower themselves into place behind her. She sighs.
“You okay, Soojung?” Yixing’s voice crackles through the speaker. “Still too early for you, huh?”
“I could do with some of your bubble tea,” she admits. The circuitry suit under her drivesuit is skin-tight, and she feels a little short of breath. “Maybe a good sugar rush would be enough to get me through this test dive.”
“You’ll be fine.” Yixing’s voice is calm, comforting. “You’ve always been fine before this. Don’t think too much about it, okay?”
Two pilots on board, says the AI, and Soojung hears the clumping of heavy boots on the floor.
“These suits are kinda flashy, don’t you think?” Jongin appears to her right, his helmet wedged under his arm. His eyes are slightly bagged and his hair is tousled, but Soojung has to admit that she has never seen anyone fit into a drivesuit as well as Kim Jongin does. She wills herself to keep the admiration from showing on her face.. “Good morning,” he says to her carefully. His eyes are apologetic.
“Good morning,” she gives him a clipped nod. “Ready, Yixing?”
“Ready when you are,” Yixing replies. She cuts off the connection and steps into the command platform, her feet locking securely into place as a technician checks and secures her harness. The HUDs appear before their eyes, and Soojung glances over to see Jongin looking around in awe as she checks the readings and flicks various switches into place.
Pilots on board and ready to connect.
“Establish the connection,” comes Victoria’s clear firm voice.
“Initiating neural handshake…” Yixing replies.
“Look,” Soojung turns to Jongin. He looks at her. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier this morning, but I meant it. In a few minutes you’ll see why I’m so uptight about everything and I hope you’ll understand. This isn’t a simulator, this is the real deal. You know about Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers, right?”
Jongin nods. “The rabbit.”
“Good,” she says. “Whatever you do, don’t chase the rabbit. Clear your mind. Just let the memories flow past, got it?”
“Got it.” For a second she thinks she sees a hint of nervousness in his face, but the HUDs reflect in his visor, and then it’s gone. “See you in the Drift.” And this time she does manage to smile, a small one made to reassure him as Artemis whirs to life beneath their feet. She thinks she sees him smile back. She isn’t sure.
Neural handshake initiating.
The Drift is silence.
Memories flow fast in the Drift, hers intertwining with Jongin’s, the both of them watching their own melded lives playing out before them. Two little boys playing together on the concrete banks of a river, two little girls peeking out of the window of an aeroplane. A little girl crying as an older one shields her, explosions and sparks showering the sky outside their window.The massive decaying lung cavity of a Kaiju, the tents beginning to spring up alongside the bones. A boy with a smile like the end of the world. That same boy coughing up blue vapor, his skin tinged blue, collapsing to the ground and never moving again. An older girl hooked up to IV drips, her hand nothing more than brittle bones and bruised skin. A girl with the face of a princess, not yet a queen.
“Let’s go save the world.”
A burning jet exploding against the giant scaly clawed hand of a Kaiju. A boy with eyes like the sun. Silver air bubbles escaping into ink black water.
Silence.
Soojung keeps her mind as clear as possible - she has done this a thousand times, and everytime it gets harder and harder - and with a final surge that has the both of them jolting out of balance, she knows that, once again, this Drift has been a success.
Right hemisphere calibrated. Jongin lifts his right arm. Soojung lifts her right arm simultaneously
Left hemisphere calibrated. Soojung lifts her left arm. Jongin lifts his left arm simultaneously.
Ready to activate the Jaeger. Pilot to Jaeger connection complete.
Success.
Soojung breathes.
Everything goes fine until Jongin turns to her right after they finish calibrating and smiles at her. And Soojung remembers another boy she used to know with the same eyes when he smiled, who was the first to hold her hand and tell her he loved her. Silver air bubbles dissipating into inky black water. The last breath of air expelling from her lungs.
The pain in her head sends her reeling as she lurches, grief rising in her throat. She thinks she vaguely hears alarms, hears the AI repeating Pilot out of alignment, code red, but everything seems so faraway, like a far off memory.
“Soojung!” someone is saying, a low voice that still isn’t familiar to her, and she shouldn’t be here, she shouldn’t be, but the sky is pitch black and there are sirens blaring in her ears, and her Drivesuit is white with red and blue accents and there is a boy she loves with eyes like the sun smiling at her from his place in the harness beside her.
(cont)
Rating: pg-13
Other pairings involved: myungstal, siblings!jungsis, bff!jungli
Length: 21, 145w
Summary: soojung buries her memories in the drift. kim jongin digs them back up.
Warnings: character death, mentions of blood
PART I
2022, September 1. Incheon Shatterdome.
She wakes to the alarm blaring in her ears, her room bathed in a red glow that continually fades in and out, in and out, like the rhythmic rocking of waves. For a moment Soojung lies still in bed, staring at the ceiling. She thinks she’s still dreaming, still out in the middle of the East China Sea, but then her heart clenches and the bile rises in the back of her throat and she knows all too well that the despair rising in her gut is all too familiar for this to be a dream.
She sits up too fast, clutching a hand to her head and tangling her fingers in her hair as the world spins around her. Booted feet clang in harried steps on the metal grates outside her room, frenzied yells echoing down the corridor. On mornings - nights - like these, Soojung has half a mind to burrow back down under the covers and try to swallow back the grief that threatens to drown her. The other half of her mind knows that she has to be down at LOCCENT to ask the perfunctory question (“Is there anything I can do?”) and hear the same unspoken answer every time (“There isn’t much you can do alone.”).
She reaches out for her clock, her mind still in a haze, and knocks it over. Soojung curses, and falls back against the pillow while she waits for the blood to stop rushing to her head. She stares at the wall opposite her, watches the red light splash across the steel cladding in regular spurts. They’re still yelling outside.
Crash Nebula report to Bay 6, level A-45. Crash Nebula report to Bay 6, level A-45.
One day she’ll hear her own name echoing down the corridor again, hear it blared through loudspeakers. One day she’ll hear the slight panic that always tinges the end of her name as it crackles into her room. One day. That day is not today. Soojung closes her eyes, but sleep doesn’t come so easily these days. Minutes pass. The voices outside her room subside but the alarm is still ringing. They need to work on their response time, she thinks almost bitterly.
Finally she throws back the covers, buries the despair under a mantra of you’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay and pulls on a military jacket before heading out the door.
Mission control is a mess. Yixing is typing furiously at his computer as Marshall Song stands tensely behind him, her hands clasped behind her stick straight back. She glances at Soojung when she enters and nods her head slightly in greeting. Soojung nods back. “Where the hell are they?” Yixing mutters, then sighs with apparent relief when a red light flashes on the screen - another beeping signal among the others that adorn his desktop. Soojung wonders how anyone can find anything under the mess of blinking lights and buttons, but as Yixing sweeps a hand through his hair and turns around, she figures that if there’s anyone who can make sense of chaos, it would be Yixing.
“They’re ready, ma’am,” he looks up at Marshall Song. “Good morning, Soojung.” He smiles and extends his wrist to her in their daily ritual. She stares at his watch. 3.15am. She’d only fallen asleep 2 hours before. No wonder.
“Morning,” she manages with a grimace.
“Engage drop, Mr. Zhang,” Marshall Song says.
Yixing turns back to his screen. “Engaging drop, ma’am. Marshall Victoria Song on deck, securing the Conn Pod, prepare for drop.” His fingers are dancing across the keyboard. Soojung has seen him do this a million times beforehand, but every time she does her respect for Yixing grows just a little more. If there is anyone who would be the human epitome of the calm in the storm, it would be J-Tech Chief LOCCENT Officer Zhang Yixing. “Alright, Crash Nebula, prepare for neural handshake.” Pause. Yixing stretches. “Neural handshake established. Let’s go, guys. Deploying to Tianjin in 3, 2, 1.”
While waiting for Crash Nebula to get to its destination (“Approximately 30 minutes, if you guys had woken up earlier you’d be there by now.”), Yixing stretches again, looks up more information on his screen, then nods to himself with satisfaction. “Neural handshake strong and holding.” He scoops up the large paper cup sitting by his side and hands it behind him to Soojung without looking away from the screen. “Have a drink. You look like you need a wake-up call.”
Soojung takes a sip and makes a face. “Why the hell are you drinking cold bubble tea at 3.30 in the morning?” she scrunches up her nose.
“Woke you up though, didn’t it?” Yixing replies with a light laugh. “Nothing like chewing on plastic balls to get your mind working at a time like this. Jinri always used to say that I was a total weirdo for eating crap like that, but she could never resist when I made a cup for her.”
Soojung feels the grief rising in her throat again, and she hastily takes another sip to push it back down. She ends up choking on one of his stupid little tapioca pearls, hastily blinking back tears. She tells herself that it’s the choking making her eyes well up.
“Hey, don’t go dying on me, Soojung.” Yixing's tone is still light. Soojung hears the unspoken too echo around the room.
“Mr. Zhang,” Victoria glowers slightly.
“Sorry ma’am,” Yixing hunkers down again, but Soojung catches the slight grin still playing on his lips. “Neural handshake still going strong. All systems are go. Your orders, Marshall?”
Victoria bends over the microphone. “Ladies, your orders. Tonight you are to just hold the miracle mile off Tianjin. It’s a category 2, weighing in at 2, 300 tons. Codename: Onyang. Now, we don’t want to be careless just because it’s a category 2, alright? Stay vigilant.” Her voice is strong, firm, as always. Soojung has always liked that about Marshall Song.
“Yes, ma’am,” comes a female voice, girlish and high. “Sorry for the delay Marshall, Hyuna always had a problem with sleeping through alarms,” adds another voice, lower and more mischievous, but female nonetheless.
“This is not the time for jokes, Miss Liu,” Victoria doesn’t even twitch.
A chuckle. “Roger that, Marshall. Crash Nebula moving out!” The connection cuts off. Victoria looks over at Soojung.
“She isn’t my responsibility anymore,” Soojung cuts in before she can say anything, her arms crossed over her chest. Victoria gives her a slight smile before resuming her watch over Yixing’s shoulder. Soojung doesn’t like the all too familiar look on her face.
It only takes an hour for Crash Nebula to bring Onyang to its knees, 12 miles away from the coastline. It’s a little too close for comfort for all of them, and Soojung tries to convince herself that this is for the best, that this what they all need when Victoria beckons to her after letting Nebula know that the Jumphawks are on their way to bring them back to the Shatterdome. The clock resets. Another Kaiju turned into food for the fishes. Life goes on.
“Miss Jung,” Victoria starts as Soojung follows her out into the corridor. “I’m sure that what I am about to tell you will come as no surprise.” Soojung tries to keep her face as neutral as possible despite the dull ache in her chest. Here it comes again. “So far we’ve been successful in defending the area under our jurisdiction with Crash Nebula, but I’ve come to the decision that Nebula may not be enough anymore. Kaiju attacks are increasing, and this category 2 tonight was a rare - and perhaps, lucky - event.” Marshall Song pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.
“Marshall, Hyuna’s inability to wake up isn’t such a hard problem to fix,” Soojung quips. “We just need to put an alarm next to her bed.”
“There already is one,” Victoria doesn’t waver. “But that’s beside the point. It’s time. Be in the Kwoon tomorrow at 0800 hours sharp. Mr. Kang thinks this one will be perfect for you.”
“They’re always perfect for me,” Soojung says, but Marshall Song is already striding back into mission control. "They're always perfect for me," she repeats under her breath as she watches the Marshall's retreating back.
Soojung dreams of water flooding into her room. She thrashes in her bed, but her arms and legs are tied down. She looks up at her wrists as the water rises up over her head, devouring every inch of her body. Her chains are IV drips. She opens her mouth in a voiceless underwater scream, and feels the water filling her lungs. A moment of desperation, and then resignation. This is how I die. She watches the last of her air bubbles escape to the surface. It's eerily calm in the black water.
Arms. An embrace around her shoulders. Warm. Her skin is cold. His skin is warm. She looks back. Looks into the rotting face of a dark haired boy who once had eyes like the sun. He lifts a decomposing hand - white, white like death -, places it over her nose. Drags her down into the deep amidst ghostly whispers of unfinished I love yous and shamed I'm sorrys.
Soojung wakes up drenched in cold sweat. She thinks it might be the fragments of her nightmare still clinging to her, reminding her that this is how she died.
His name is Kim Jongin. Taller than her, healthy tan skin, muscular in the lean sort of way that Soojung has seen too many times before. She makes a remark to Minhyuk about feeding his trainees right, but he merely scoffs and waves it off. Soojung is used to it. She’s used to this procedure, of staring a complete stranger in the face and knowing that this whole stint in the Kwoon combat room is just a matter of protocol because if there’s anything Soojung is good at, it’s staring a complete stranger in the face and knowing exactly how to be their partner.
“You and I both know I don’t need to be here,” she mutters to Minhyuk as Kim Jongin removes his standard-issue army boots and places them at the side of the mat. There is no one else in line with him, though a small crowd has gathered behind him at the other end of the Kwoon. Soojung spots Amber leaning against the doorframe, and returns a nod when she wiggles her fingers at her.
“Well, formalities and all that, you know?” Minhyuk shrugs. Soojung leans slightly towards him and peers at the clipboard in his hands; just one name printed on the list, just as she suspected. Minhyuk catches her looking and moves the clipboard away with a slight frown. “You ready to go?”
Soojung hears footsteps behind her and then Marshall Song is beside her, hands behind her back. “Everything ready, Mr. Kang?” she asks. Minhyuk bows slightly before nodding. “And not a minute too soon, Marshall,” he adds with a slight smile as he glances at the clock. 8am sharp. Victoria always had impeccable timing.
“Let’s go, Miss Jung,” Victoria says lightheartedly, and Soojung closes her eyes, feels herself breathe, and loses herself for a few seconds in the darkness. “Miss Jung.” Soojung opens her eyes.She shrugs off her jacket and undoes the laces of her boots before stepping on to the blue mat set in the middle of the Kwoon. It feels familiar under her feet, but it doesn’t feel like home. She feels as though she’s stepping on water, and any minute now she’ll lose her footing and fall in and drown.
“Artemis Fury co-pilot candidate 1 Kim Jongin,” Minhyuk announces as she twirls her hanbo in her hands, familiarizing herself with the feel of it. He steps forward, and their eyes meet. Full lips and a stare that goes straight through her - but it doesn’t faze her one bit. She can see the steely will behind his eyes, but none of it matters because she already knows how this will end.
He bows first. His movements are sharp, his bow executed in a manner both graceful and powerful, and she feels something stir in her gut as she clicks her heels together and bows back. When they straighten and lock eyes again, Jongin smirks slightly. “I won’t hold back with you, sunbaenim,” he tells her in a voice deeper than she expected, and the word feels almost foreign to her ears now. English is the standard mode of conversation even in the Incheon Shatterdome, and the last time she’d spoken Korean with anyone was...
“Good,” she twirls her hanbo around and locks it in at her side. “Then I expect you to keep up.” She’s aware of the little twinge of nervousness in the base of her spine, that her heart is pounding harder with every passing second. It’s been two years since she’d last done this with a stranger, and she’s suddenly afraid. Afraid of working so hard to gather her life back into her hands again only to have it pulled out and scattered into the ocean by a monster. By a machine. She’s always found it difficult to distinguish between the two.
She half expects Jongin to be insulted by her little quip, but he smiles instead. And Soojung falls with a great splash into the water.
He has eyes like the sun.
Her breathing is shallow, the pain in her chest choking her, but Minhyuk is calling for the start of the trial and everything is blurring in front of her eyes. She’s dimly aware of Jongin sliding into his stance, his hanbo held upright at chest level, but she doesn’t register until he smacks her on the arm. It knocks her out of her trance, and she snaps her head to look at him. He’s not smiling anymore, but his eyes still carry that trace of a sunny smirk behind them. She swallows.
“1 - 0.”
“Concentrate, Soojung!” Amber yells from behind Jongin, and Soojung grits her teeth before twisting Jongin’s staff out of the way with her own without warning and aiming the point of it at his neck. She cocks her head at him and manages a slight smirk. “Better watch yourself,” she narrows her eyes slightly at him.
“1 - 1.”
“So you really are as good as they say,” Jongin says. The next second he’s backed away, his staff at his chest again. His eyes betray nothing. “Let’s go, sunbaenim.”
Soojung takes a deep breath, crouching into stance. She taps the tip of her hanbo against the floor twice before bringing it back up and looking at him. “For real this time,” she tells him, and then she charges.
Jongin doesn't yield the next point as easily, and she gives him the next one after a lengthy rally. He is fast, much faster than her, and his thin frame betrays the hidden strength that lies behind each blow, but Soojung finds his movements easy to read. Not easy enough to keep herself from losing points though, as Jongin catches her foot with his as she twirls away from him, making her fall backwards on to the mat. He thrusts his hanbo at her, falling short of hitting her in the throat.
“4 - 4.”
Soojung doesn't have to look at Minhyuk to see the bewildered look on his face. She can hear it in his voice, she can feel the same feeling running through her bones. She hasn’t had such a close match with anyone in years, and the sudden realization that she might lose has sparked an adrenaline rush that leaves her breathless.
But how can Minhyuk know that the last time she felt such adrenaline pumping through her veins was the first time she and Sooyeon found out they were Drift compatible?
This. This nagging feeling in the back of her brain - this dull throb forcing her to remember something that she just can't pull to the surface - she knows what this is now. Her eyes meet Jongin’s as he pulls her to her feet and slides back into stance for the final round. He smiles again, and the slow throb quickens in her chest.
This isn't just Drift compatibility. This is something entirely different.
2021, March 23. Incheon Shatterdome.
“Scalpel.”
Soojung does a quick scan of the tools on the tray in front of her; there are 5 scalpels of different sizes and her hands hover over each. “Uhh…” she starts.
“The one on the far left,” Sunyoung barely glances over, her hands wrist-deep in the Kaiju sample on the operating table in front of them. Soojung knows she fought hard for this one; she had heard extensively from Jongdae about how Sunyoung went down to the Seoul Bone Slums and kicked some illegal Kaiju organ dealer butt (and Jongdae would know all too well how that feels).
“You know, this is what the autopsy chamber is for,” she ventures as she hands Sunyoung the smallest scalpel.
Sunyoung smiles through her biohazard visor as she extracts one blue-slime covered hand and takes the tool. “I see all your time spent in here hasn't been a complete waste,” she remarks. “Anyway,” she continues as she slices at something inside the Kaiju organ. “If you don't do these things hands-on you'll never understand anything. Think of it as fighting inside a Jaeger. You don't know how it works until you're actually in it, right?”
“I guess,” Soojung mutters.
“Sorry,” Sunyoung puts down the scalpel. “I didn't mean to bring it up.” She covers one of Soojung’s gloved hands, smearing Kaiju Blue all over it. “You're doing better though, aren't you? I'm sure being down here with me must be so boring you’re almost brain dead by now.” She smiles. “Now I get why you spend so much time with me.”
Soojung forces a laugh. “Actually I'm just down here to escape Jonghyun,” she shrugs. A half truth. “And it is somewhat therapeutic down here, being surrounded by things that can still try to kill me even when they're dead.” She looks around the large room, at the preserved Kaiju parts floating in their containers, at the large pipes and wires running haphazardly across the floor. She can name each machine and is sometimes even allowed to monitor them when everyone goes on lunch break, but she still doesn't know the names to any of the organs. Or she doesn't want to. Kaiju hearts look nothing like her own, but she hasn’t seen her own in a while anyway. Sunyoung gives her one last long look before going back to her work.
“You'll be alright,” she says quietly. “You’ve beaten them seven times, haven't you? You can beat this. Scalpel.” She smiles. “The biggest one this time.”
“You know you're not supposed to be down there,” Minhyuk frowns when she shows up at the Kwoon three minutes late. “K-Science is for scientists, not unstable Jaeger pilots with nowhere to go.” Soojung feels the pinch, but she doesn't say anything. Bluntness has always been one of Minhyuk’s most defining features, and while she's used to it, it still acts as a good enough provoker for her to give her all when she helps trial run Minhyuk’s new routines to teach to the Jaeger Academy cadets.
“The Kwoon is for Fightmasters, not ex-Jaeger pilots with nothing left to do,” she jabs back, and Minhyuk scoffs.
“Okay, the last half hurt but the first part didn't because I am a Fightmaster,” he pats his heart and pretends to look hurt. “I might be your ex-co pilot but you should be grateful that I'm at least still here.”
There's a long, pregnant pause, where Soojung alternates between the pain rising with the tide within her, feeling as if he’s already punched the air out of her, and wanting to hurt him, really hurt him, when he reaches out and puts his hand on her shoulder. “I didn't mean it like that,” he says, completely serious. “I didn't mean it like that at all. I'm sorry Soojung.”
Soojung tries to smile and finds that she can't. “I still see them in my nightmares,” she whispers. “I see him the minute I open my eyes in the morning. When I hear the alarm go off. When I get anywhere close to Bay 2. I see him standing there with this bloody helmet under his arm smiling at me and telling me to get ready. He's not even ready himself, and he has that tuft of hair sticking up on the back of his head that he always gets when he sleeps on his back. And he tells me to get ready, get ready. Like I'll ever be ready to have a Kaiju pull him out of my head.”
She doesn't realize she's weeping until Minhyuk pulls her into a hug, one hand on the back of her head. “You'll be alright,” he says into her crown, just like she knows he would because they are only Drift compatible and nothing else. “You’ll make it through this. You are stronger than you will ever know, Soojung.”
She desperately wants to be.
Instead, she trips him over her foot and flips him on to his back on the mat. “Don't let your guard down,” she tells him. She smiles despite the tear tracks glistening on her cheeks, despite the terrible gaping cavern in her chest where her heart used to be.
Minhyuk just sighs.
2022, September 2. Kwoon combat room.
“5 - 4.”
Silence. Soojung feels like she is drowning.
And then someone starts to clap, and there’s applause and a whoop of “Jongin!” before Victoria raises a hand. The noise dies away.
“Cadet Kim and Ranger Jung, report to the Conn Pod tomorrow at 10am for a test Drift.” Her voice bounces around the concrete walls, and Jongin bows. His eyes meet Soojung’s again, and he tilts his head towards her with a smile. Soojung feels the shiver run down her spine again before she turns, picks up her shoes, and walks out of the room.
“Soojung.”
Soojung keeps walking.
“Soojung!”
This time she stops, takes a deep breath to compose herself, and turns to face Amber Liu.
“What the hell was that?” Soojung can see the confusion on her face reflected in Amber’s eyes. “You could’ve taken him easily, what happened out there?”
“He was strong,” Soojung says, her first words since the start of the match. Her voice breaks. She licks her lips and tries again. “And he was fast.”
“Yes, but he was easy to read.” Amber’s hair is shorter since the last time Soojung saw her, and she can see where Hyuna had been a little heavy handed with the scissors. She tries not to imagine the two pilots of Crash Nebula spending time together, laughing and cutting each other’s hair. Doing things she hasn’t been able to do for a long time. “And your defense is second to none. No one has ever broken past your defense since....” she trails off and checks herself. “What happened?” she repeats slowly. Soojung can see in her eyes that she already knows the answer.
“Nothing happened,” she says shortly. “I lost. He beat me. He’ll be my new co-pilot and that’s all that matters. Let it go, Amber.” She turns and starts walking down the hall, her boots still in her hands, the metal grates cold under her feet. She tells herself that that is the cause of the unsettled feeling in her stomach and nothing else. Nothing else.
“Both you and I know that what you just had out there was not a fight!” Amber calls after her. “I’d hate to sound like Pentecost, but what you just had was a freaking dialogue! You can’t run away from this forever, Soojung!”
Soojung keeps walking.
“Hey.”
Soojung doesn’t recognize the voice as she leans against the railing of the catwalk overlooking Artemis Fury. The technicians are just putting the finishing touches to her, and it’s enough for Soojung to scream. The Jaeger looks almost exactly as it did the first time she set eyes on it 6 years ago in a different Shatterdome with a different co-pilot. It seems like a lifetime ago, but she remembers the moment as well as if it were yesterday.
She looks up and into the eyes of Kim Jongin.
She hesitates, and lowers her gaze. “Hi.” She turns back to the Jaeger. He settles himself beside her, exactly one arms length away. It doesn’t matter how far away you stand, she thinks almost bitterly. In a few hours we’ll be one and the same person.
“It’s beautiful,” Jongin breathes. “Artemis. She’s beautiful.”
“Yeah,” Soojung replies. 6 years of nothing but pain and scars, but she’s still the most beautiful Jaeger around. Not a scratch on that shiny surface. Not a single scratch. For a second she almost feels a stab of jealousy for her Jaeger, wishes she too could hide the scars of the past 6 years beneath a new layer of paint and wax.
“I know you weren’t giving your all out there yesterday, sunbaenim,” he starts. His voice is deep, lower than befits his boyish features, and completely unfamiliar to her. It takes her a few seconds to realize that he’s speaking Korean.
“English,” she corrects him before he can say anything else. “Did the Jaeger Academy not teach you that?”
“You’re more uptight than I imagined,” he switches languages without the slightest hesitation, almost as if he was expecting the admonishment. A slight accent colours his drawl. “It’s interesting, really.”
“What is?” Soojung still doesn’t look at him.
“7 kills in 6 years, 1 of them completely solo,” Jongin says. “One of the youngest pilots in the history of this Kaiju war. Drift compatible with just about anyone, but hasn’t been able to keep a co-pilot for more than 2 years. That’s what’s interesting.” He laughs lightly. Far below them, Soojung watches sparks fly from the foot of Artemis Fury’s foot as the technicians fit a new plate to it.
“Are you mocking me?” she asks, and turns to face him. He smirks, and her heart gives a casual flutter.
“No, I’m giving you respect,” he cocks his head and examines her face. “And I just needed to give you a reason to look at me. Did anyone ever tell you you’re beautiful, sunbaenim?”
Soojung feels her cheeks flare, and is grateful that up here above the holding bays it is still dimly lit. She looks away. “Looks don’t matter in this game that we play,” she remarks.
“Maybe not, but it sure does help to look at something nice when you’re up against a Kaiju with a face like a pile of dogshit,” Jongin replies lightheartedly. He chuckles, and a twinge of annoyance runs up her spine. She straightens, and tosses her hair behind her head.
“Humour won’t help you when you’re out in the ocean with a Kaiju tearing you out of your Drivesuit, Mr. Kim,” she takes one last look at Artemis, and narrows her eyes at her co-pilot. “You don’t know what those things are capable of, but I do. 7 kills in 6 years, 1 completely solo, just like you said. You’ll be safer not taking this lightly. I’ll see you in the Conn Pod. Don’t bring your terrible sense of humour with you.”
She leaves him staring after her as she walks away.
She has a new Drivesuit. Black with a blue tint, red and yellow lines running through the armour like circuits. She vaguely recalls the traditional uniform of the South Korean army, and is grateful that the technicians are giving her another chance at a new life. New uniform, new co-pilot. All nice and shiny like her Jaeger. She can start all over again. She might even be able to forget.
She walks into the Conn Pod - the head of the Jaeger, somewhere she has vaguely been able to call home for the past 6 years - and breathes in. Everything is familiar, yet terrifyingly unfamiliar. Soon she’ll be strapped into place, a stranger beside her. Another stranger. A stranger with eyes like the sun. She breathes out, opens her eyes, and flicks a switch on the control panel. “Setting harness for test mode. Waiting for second pilot.” The two harnesses lower themselves into place behind her. She sighs.
“You okay, Soojung?” Yixing’s voice crackles through the speaker. “Still too early for you, huh?”
“I could do with some of your bubble tea,” she admits. The circuitry suit under her drivesuit is skin-tight, and she feels a little short of breath. “Maybe a good sugar rush would be enough to get me through this test dive.”
“You’ll be fine.” Yixing’s voice is calm, comforting. “You’ve always been fine before this. Don’t think too much about it, okay?”
Two pilots on board, says the AI, and Soojung hears the clumping of heavy boots on the floor.
“These suits are kinda flashy, don’t you think?” Jongin appears to her right, his helmet wedged under his arm. His eyes are slightly bagged and his hair is tousled, but Soojung has to admit that she has never seen anyone fit into a drivesuit as well as Kim Jongin does. She wills herself to keep the admiration from showing on her face.. “Good morning,” he says to her carefully. His eyes are apologetic.
“Good morning,” she gives him a clipped nod. “Ready, Yixing?”
“Ready when you are,” Yixing replies. She cuts off the connection and steps into the command platform, her feet locking securely into place as a technician checks and secures her harness. The HUDs appear before their eyes, and Soojung glances over to see Jongin looking around in awe as she checks the readings and flicks various switches into place.
Pilots on board and ready to connect.
“Establish the connection,” comes Victoria’s clear firm voice.
“Initiating neural handshake…” Yixing replies.
“Look,” Soojung turns to Jongin. He looks at her. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier this morning, but I meant it. In a few minutes you’ll see why I’m so uptight about everything and I hope you’ll understand. This isn’t a simulator, this is the real deal. You know about Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers, right?”
Jongin nods. “The rabbit.”
“Good,” she says. “Whatever you do, don’t chase the rabbit. Clear your mind. Just let the memories flow past, got it?”
“Got it.” For a second she thinks she sees a hint of nervousness in his face, but the HUDs reflect in his visor, and then it’s gone. “See you in the Drift.” And this time she does manage to smile, a small one made to reassure him as Artemis whirs to life beneath their feet. She thinks she sees him smile back. She isn’t sure.
Neural handshake initiating.
The Drift is silence.
Memories flow fast in the Drift, hers intertwining with Jongin’s, the both of them watching their own melded lives playing out before them. Two little boys playing together on the concrete banks of a river, two little girls peeking out of the window of an aeroplane. A little girl crying as an older one shields her, explosions and sparks showering the sky outside their window.The massive decaying lung cavity of a Kaiju, the tents beginning to spring up alongside the bones. A boy with a smile like the end of the world. That same boy coughing up blue vapor, his skin tinged blue, collapsing to the ground and never moving again. An older girl hooked up to IV drips, her hand nothing more than brittle bones and bruised skin. A girl with the face of a princess, not yet a queen.
“Let’s go save the world.”
A burning jet exploding against the giant scaly clawed hand of a Kaiju. A boy with eyes like the sun. Silver air bubbles escaping into ink black water.
Silence.
Soojung keeps her mind as clear as possible - she has done this a thousand times, and everytime it gets harder and harder - and with a final surge that has the both of them jolting out of balance, she knows that, once again, this Drift has been a success.
Right hemisphere calibrated. Jongin lifts his right arm. Soojung lifts her right arm simultaneously
Left hemisphere calibrated. Soojung lifts her left arm. Jongin lifts his left arm simultaneously.
Ready to activate the Jaeger. Pilot to Jaeger connection complete.
Success.
Soojung breathes.
Everything goes fine until Jongin turns to her right after they finish calibrating and smiles at her. And Soojung remembers another boy she used to know with the same eyes when he smiled, who was the first to hold her hand and tell her he loved her. Silver air bubbles dissipating into inky black water. The last breath of air expelling from her lungs.
The pain in her head sends her reeling as she lurches, grief rising in her throat. She thinks she vaguely hears alarms, hears the AI repeating Pilot out of alignment, code red, but everything seems so faraway, like a far off memory.
“Soojung!” someone is saying, a low voice that still isn’t familiar to her, and she shouldn’t be here, she shouldn’t be, but the sky is pitch black and there are sirens blaring in her ears, and her Drivesuit is white with red and blue accents and there is a boy she loves with eyes like the sun smiling at her from his place in the harness beside her.
(cont)