(no subject)
there comes a time where i have to make announcements. and these announcements will be vague, but i hope that they may seem to be pretty. there's no happiness in me at the moment, but no sadness either. i'm in one of my emotionless moods where i just feel numb i guess i dont know. i suppose a peaceful numb is sort of comforting... and i am peacefully numb.
but i have to make announcements. i have no other reason to write and no other reason to cry and no other reason to rant, smile or stare. announcements aren't pretty. after all, how could they be? i target someone, and i shall never say they're name. i shall never say what they do. but i shall target them and yell and be angry and cry. usually when i cry no one knows. because it's not right for me to trouble my friends with my petty tears. but no more stalling.
you are my friend. i know you are because you talk to me all the time. you make me smile. i hope i do the same for you. i hope that i'm your friend. but am i? because i'm simply ignored so often. and i suppose i shouldn't care by now. i should be used to it. but it wouldn't be right for me to accept my pain. i hate pain. and it's all you ever seem to give me anymore. it's all you ever really gave me, actually. i used to deny it though. pretend i didn't notice. pretend it didn't matter. because admitting that you have a problem, whether it's with yourself or a person you know, hurts so much. i get my nouns and pronouns and everything mixed up, but this is for you. you probably won't read this. i know why you won't. because you don't know me. you don't want to know me. you know me at the surface. you know i play the piano, i talk, i'm smart, i'm krystine. you don't me though. you don't know that i fucking hated my birthday this year and that no one cared. no one cared at all.
anyways. last night was soo fab. took the wq bus home and then played wiffle ball with kids and then ate pizza at the duplex and then all eight of us laid wrapped up in a blanket on al's trampoline. its times like these where i know i have the best friends in the world. 143
hey ryan i love you too!! your my back bone
but i have to make announcements. i have no other reason to write and no other reason to cry and no other reason to rant, smile or stare. announcements aren't pretty. after all, how could they be? i target someone, and i shall never say they're name. i shall never say what they do. but i shall target them and yell and be angry and cry. usually when i cry no one knows. because it's not right for me to trouble my friends with my petty tears. but no more stalling.
you are my friend. i know you are because you talk to me all the time. you make me smile. i hope i do the same for you. i hope that i'm your friend. but am i? because i'm simply ignored so often. and i suppose i shouldn't care by now. i should be used to it. but it wouldn't be right for me to accept my pain. i hate pain. and it's all you ever seem to give me anymore. it's all you ever really gave me, actually. i used to deny it though. pretend i didn't notice. pretend it didn't matter. because admitting that you have a problem, whether it's with yourself or a person you know, hurts so much. i get my nouns and pronouns and everything mixed up, but this is for you. you probably won't read this. i know why you won't. because you don't know me. you don't want to know me. you know me at the surface. you know i play the piano, i talk, i'm smart, i'm krystine. you don't me though. you don't know that i fucking hated my birthday this year and that no one cared. no one cared at all.
anyways. last night was soo fab. took the wq bus home and then played wiffle ball with kids and then ate pizza at the duplex and then all eight of us laid wrapped up in a blanket on al's trampoline. its times like these where i know i have the best friends in the world. 143
hey ryan i love you too!! your my back bone