meh, its just life.

Apr 09, 2006 19:37

So ya, im doing a little self evaluation. Everyone who knows me knows that i dont really have a "girly" emotional level... i mean sometimes that dang estrogen gets the best of me, but most of the time i can fight it off. But i totally realized something today. We all (GIG girls) went to the Honors House to watch the Passion and like everyone was bawling and i was just like "yep". I mean, mayb i felt the same emotions they felt but i just express it in a different way? i dunno. But Im Sheena Owens, and i dont cry. Not at funerals, not when ne thing bad happens to someone at all. Am i not empathetic? I feel like bad for ppl i guess, but my dang philosophy on life is like "what happens happens and my tears would only make everyone more upset" so its a good thing rite? Or if im at like a close relative's funeral and i dont cry do i look like i dont care? I dont want to come off that way, but i wonder if i do to some ppl. If u kno me, i care a great deal about what others think of me and i dont want them to think im a mean person who thinks of herself and only herself. But the thing is, am i? i swear i am cuz i only like cry when i like have something detramental happen to me and not someone else. Like (o HEAVEN forbid) i get a B on a test, or im having a bad luck streak (although i hate using the word "luck" because that is so not even real... i mean really, its not. I cant think of another word tho lol) so my emotions are selfish. Like im never like "oh woe is me, YOUR day is so bad" or "oh im so sorry, too bad for YOU". Wow, thats pretty shallow. I mean i care about other ppl i think... im not that shallow.
What made me start thinking of that was at the retreat this weekend, Tim was talking about being jealous FOR ppl and not being jealous OF people because God is jealous FOR us like for our relationship and not OF our relationship with another, say, idol. So we have to change our jealous of's and make jealous FORs. Like you could b jealous for another person's spiritual relationship or jealous for your own relationship. But i have to find some Jealous Fors and its really hard cuz i mean theres a few ppl i really care about like of course brad, my boys (matt stan andy dory), my girls (krista chieu katiek jessk brynn) and of COURSE my daddd and my mom and my sisters. i dont kno where i was going with that but w/e im listening to System and its confusing my brain. Thats another thing too. Chicks are all emotional b/c we ruminate (worry about one specific thing till we about burst) but i dont do that partially b/c i have like the shortest attention span like ever. Too short to continue this. If i think of other stuff, then ill write it later. wow. im so attention deficit. lol.
o p.s. ya one more thing. Cheer meeting, tonight. o ya btw we have a coach if i didnt say that previously. im kinda REALLY excited about it cuz we get to pick captains and o p.p.s, competition squad isnt having a squad next year cuz their coach quit too so were gonna have one unified squad again :-D Tryouts in 20 days, i hope we get a lotta good girls!!!! Update on that later too!!! adieu<3
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