help(less)
it seems like the thing i have the most trouble trying to figure out is my non-existent love life. i don't know why that is, but yeah. looking back through old entries on here or on the old xanga i used to use a way long time ago, it seems like i have a really really hard time processing my issues with guys. i think it's because i hate the lack of control. i have control over pretty much everything else in MY life that i want control over... but guys and that whole deal i have no control over and i feel so helpless. i don't have control over falling for a guy and it drives me nuts. and that's why i've written about it all these years, i think. we always are upset about what we can't understand. and i can't understand why i am perpetually single, and why alex had to break my heart, and why for only the second time ever, i really feel truly compelled to do something about my feelings. wtf? why i can't i just... not worry about it? people tell me not to- the few people that i talk to about this i.e. keara and my bff natalie - but... i hate being emotionally involved and not in control of the fact that i'm attracted to someone. i don't want to be affected. life would be simpler if i weren't. *sigh*