I am a man without skin. Everything that I see seems to touch me.
Sometimes opening your heart isn't enough. Sometimes you have to pick it up and smash into the floor and then watch the pieces scatter. Sometimes it takes going to the extreme to really let the light in, but the light is beautiful.
I was broken. Maybe I still am. I don't know, and, quite frankly, I don't care. All I know is that everything touches me now. It was my choice to leave myself vulnerable instead of closing back up like I have in the past. The pain of loss opened me up. Wide up. Wider than I ever could be, even when I was in love.
I had a grimy window that was closed before her, and she was able to force it halfway open. The light was warm, and it was beautiful, and it was my reason for living. It was still dim here, though. It was still filtered through my own emotional blocks, designed to keep the pain away.
All of that armor. That steel plating around my emotions, it was all destroyed easily when it was over. That grimy window shattered underneath the force of a storm, letting the wind, and cold, and hail all blow in unabated. It was horrible, but it was real and unfiltered. And I decided that I didn't want to fix that window, to repair the armor around my soul. I was going to stay unfiltered.
The thing about a storm, you see, is that it always passes, and lets the sun rise again. Only, this time, as the light streamed in through the storm clouds, the window and house had been ripped apart, and I was left alone looking at the sun light streaming through the clouds for the first time.
Through the trials of my broken heart I was liberated from my baggage. I was shocked out of my shell, and brought back to the world as it was when I was a child. It may not be as new, now, but it's just as bright... even if I no longer have protection from the darkness. I'm more than willing to accept the pain of living in all of its unabated fury for the exchange of feeling all the beauty and joy.
I laugh now. I laugh without reason. I just look around and smile. I'm alive. I've survived this and come out better. And that's reason enough.
So... I'm better now. Much better than I even was before.
I was broken. Maybe I still am. I don't know, and, quite frankly, I don't care. All I know is that everything touches me now. It was my choice to leave myself vulnerable instead of closing back up like I have in the past. The pain of loss opened me up. Wide up. Wider than I ever could be, even when I was in love.
I had a grimy window that was closed before her, and she was able to force it halfway open. The light was warm, and it was beautiful, and it was my reason for living. It was still dim here, though. It was still filtered through my own emotional blocks, designed to keep the pain away.
All of that armor. That steel plating around my emotions, it was all destroyed easily when it was over. That grimy window shattered underneath the force of a storm, letting the wind, and cold, and hail all blow in unabated. It was horrible, but it was real and unfiltered. And I decided that I didn't want to fix that window, to repair the armor around my soul. I was going to stay unfiltered.
The thing about a storm, you see, is that it always passes, and lets the sun rise again. Only, this time, as the light streamed in through the storm clouds, the window and house had been ripped apart, and I was left alone looking at the sun light streaming through the clouds for the first time.
Through the trials of my broken heart I was liberated from my baggage. I was shocked out of my shell, and brought back to the world as it was when I was a child. It may not be as new, now, but it's just as bright... even if I no longer have protection from the darkness. I'm more than willing to accept the pain of living in all of its unabated fury for the exchange of feeling all the beauty and joy.
I laugh now. I laugh without reason. I just look around and smile. I'm alive. I've survived this and come out better. And that's reason enough.
So... I'm better now. Much better than I even was before.