London Stories 6 March 2016
In the suburbs and boroughs of Little Briton people have gnomes in their front gardens. These gnomes are made of plastic or ceramics or some type of synthetic stone but in the heart of the capital we have the real thing.
In the disturbances of people leaving my 'apartment building' (actually an office building rented out residential) once we got our notice to quit no one noticed the wrinkly little man working on a 8 seater SUV dumped in our building's drive/car park. Probably no one noticed him because after asking several months we had tired of asking the landlord to remove the scruffy SUV with the insulating foil stuck onto the insides of the windows and earth heaped on the running boards as if tracked out from inside which made the SUV look like a vampire bus out of a 1980's movie.
One day I noticed the "Renfield" removing bric-a-brac and dismantling the interior of the SUV and leaving it all over the drive/car park but no bodies, much to my relief. I shrugged the mess off as all vehicles are to be removed this week. But one evening the little guy seemed to have found more stuff from the tardis-like-SUV and had it sprawled all over the drive/car park.
I wondered wether he was moving house into the SUV. It wouldn't be for long. The property is about to be developed. What was he going to do with all the junk? If it was left on the drive/car park my landlords would charge me to clear it up. I approached the busy little man,
"Excuse me".
He ignored me and continued busying himself about the SUV.
"Are you going to be using our bins to get rid of any rubbish?"
This was passive-aggressive but I was not sure of the correct etiquette for someone maintaining an unlawfully parked vampire SUV on my front yard. I was clumsy and I knew it so I was fairly tolerant of his aggression.
"What's it to you?!"
I finally saw the him as he faced me. He didn't appear to some haunted character doing the bidding of his undead masters. His nose had a distinct character. He had a vigorous physical grace which suggested under the many layers of clothing a sturdy frame. His face had just enough wrinkles and his voice was just gruff enough.
He was a perfectly curmudgeonly gnome!
I persevered,
"It's just that we..."
I didn't get a chance to inform him he was welcome to use the refuse contractors' bins I was paying for.
"Who are you?! Who are you?! "What's you're name?!"
At a loss for words I did not reply. He was obviously a little demented demanding my name as if I had walked into his front yard. This went on for a bit. I said,
"Some might suggest since you are on private property you might want to introduce yourself."
This stilled his agitation. He said,
"I've talked to your landlords. They know all about it."
A likely story but it was no matter, it gave me my exit "Have a lovely day!" was the last thing I said as I walked away. from my garden gnome.
In the disturbances of people leaving my 'apartment building' (actually an office building rented out residential) once we got our notice to quit no one noticed the wrinkly little man working on a 8 seater SUV dumped in our building's drive/car park. Probably no one noticed him because after asking several months we had tired of asking the landlord to remove the scruffy SUV with the insulating foil stuck onto the insides of the windows and earth heaped on the running boards as if tracked out from inside which made the SUV look like a vampire bus out of a 1980's movie.
One day I noticed the "Renfield" removing bric-a-brac and dismantling the interior of the SUV and leaving it all over the drive/car park but no bodies, much to my relief. I shrugged the mess off as all vehicles are to be removed this week. But one evening the little guy seemed to have found more stuff from the tardis-like-SUV and had it sprawled all over the drive/car park.
I wondered wether he was moving house into the SUV. It wouldn't be for long. The property is about to be developed. What was he going to do with all the junk? If it was left on the drive/car park my landlords would charge me to clear it up. I approached the busy little man,
"Excuse me".
He ignored me and continued busying himself about the SUV.
"Are you going to be using our bins to get rid of any rubbish?"
This was passive-aggressive but I was not sure of the correct etiquette for someone maintaining an unlawfully parked vampire SUV on my front yard. I was clumsy and I knew it so I was fairly tolerant of his aggression.
"What's it to you?!"
I finally saw the him as he faced me. He didn't appear to some haunted character doing the bidding of his undead masters. His nose had a distinct character. He had a vigorous physical grace which suggested under the many layers of clothing a sturdy frame. His face had just enough wrinkles and his voice was just gruff enough.
He was a perfectly curmudgeonly gnome!
I persevered,
"It's just that we..."
I didn't get a chance to inform him he was welcome to use the refuse contractors' bins I was paying for.
"Who are you?! Who are you?! "What's you're name?!"
At a loss for words I did not reply. He was obviously a little demented demanding my name as if I had walked into his front yard. This went on for a bit. I said,
"Some might suggest since you are on private property you might want to introduce yourself."
This stilled his agitation. He said,
"I've talked to your landlords. They know all about it."
A likely story but it was no matter, it gave me my exit "Have a lovely day!" was the last thing I said as I walked away. from my garden gnome.