Attorney General Jack Thompson Calls For Ban On Games
Washington, DC - After his successful campaign to remove the Mature-rated game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" from stores due to a hidden adult minigame that could be unlocked by anyone with the right code or downloaded mod (depending on platform), Thompson has proceeded to rally against "The Sims 2", which allegedly has the potential for modification by anyone with 3D mesh-creating abilities. His conclusion is that Electronic Arts is "cooperating, gleefully, with the mod community to turn Sims 2 into a porn offering."
If his efforts are successful, he intends to move on to bigger targets. "Super Mario Brothers and their ilk have been flying under the radar for far too long. Italians eating mushrooms that make them 'grow'? And going down 'pipes'? I think the allusions are obvious. And stomping on turtles can set a bad example for children."
Ultimately, he hopes to pull the plug on checkers as well. "A game in which you're encouraged to 'jump' pieces of another 'color', thereby taking them out? If that's not symbolic of gang violence, I don't know what is. Besides, anyone with access to scissors, an adult magazine, and some glue can turn the pieces into icons of smut. You can't tell me that the designers weren't aware of this."
Thompson, whose name can be modified to spell "Shock J. Tampon" by anyone with enough free time and verbal skills, has refrained from commenting on his rumored attempts to remove the inappropriate 'King' face fom most decks of playing cards, all of which are commonly depicted wielding weapons, including the King of Hearts, who appears to be stabbing himself in the head with a dagger.
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[DISCLAIMER: The above article is intended purely as sophomoric satire and is therefore largely fictitious. Any similarities to actual killjoys, living or dead, is uncoincidental and protected under the applicable free speech laws. Besides, if he can make up stuff about one of my favorite games, why can't I make up stuff about one of his?]
If his efforts are successful, he intends to move on to bigger targets. "Super Mario Brothers and their ilk have been flying under the radar for far too long. Italians eating mushrooms that make them 'grow'? And going down 'pipes'? I think the allusions are obvious. And stomping on turtles can set a bad example for children."
Ultimately, he hopes to pull the plug on checkers as well. "A game in which you're encouraged to 'jump' pieces of another 'color', thereby taking them out? If that's not symbolic of gang violence, I don't know what is. Besides, anyone with access to scissors, an adult magazine, and some glue can turn the pieces into icons of smut. You can't tell me that the designers weren't aware of this."
Thompson, whose name can be modified to spell "Shock J. Tampon" by anyone with enough free time and verbal skills, has refrained from commenting on his rumored attempts to remove the inappropriate 'King' face fom most decks of playing cards, all of which are commonly depicted wielding weapons, including the King of Hearts, who appears to be stabbing himself in the head with a dagger.
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[DISCLAIMER: The above article is intended purely as sophomoric satire and is therefore largely fictitious. Any similarities to actual killjoys, living or dead, is uncoincidental and protected under the applicable free speech laws. Besides, if he can make up stuff about one of my favorite games, why can't I make up stuff about one of his?]