beauty in the breakdown
That's a lyric from a song, right? Anyway, it's applicable.
This lj has become an integration of a personal journal and a forum to let others know how I'm doing. This entry is a combination of the two.
So, I'm been sick for about a week and a half now, which is very not fun. And per my entry from friday: I'm falling apart. I told my mother this and she said to me sometimes we need to fall apart before we can be put back together. So that's what's happening. I'm coming back together. Being sick necessitates staying home and taking care of myself. Of listening to my needs. Lately I've been putting everyone else's needs ahead of my own. Right now I'm trying to learn to balance the two.
Also, very importantly my faith has been restored. When I was in Israel I decided I was ready for a relationship. And at every period of my life whenever I was ready for a new crush, someone showed up. I lost faith that would happen to me, so I joined OkCupid. I know that practically everyone has met their current someone online these days, but that's not the love story I want. I want someone to fall into my life. Anyway, I had been messaging with this guy Dave. This Saturday I went to a benefit for a local charity (and saw a rapping monk!). And I saw him. He was volunteering with the charity. But I didn't approach him because 1.) I wasn't sure it was him and 2.) that's really freakin' awkward (I had no idea he was going to be there.) Anyway, I told my mom this and she said she doesn't think it's that weird because like people are attracted to like things. So I took it as a sign. A sign I don't need to lose faith that someone will come into my life. I met this guy online and I randomly met him in person anyway. So I have promptly deleted my OkCupid profile. It was sort of by accident, but whatever. (Also, none of the people I message will probably read this but, I'm putting the energy out in the universe anyway: I'm sorry! Sorry I haven't responded to you. Sorry for my abrupt removal. Apologies.) So I have faith. I have faith the right person will come into my life at the right time.
And also, this goes along with meeting my needs. As much as I want a relationship, now is a HORRIBLE time. I don't even have time to go shopping for desperately needed items. How am I supposed to be in a relationship with somebody? I don't even have enough time to see my friends on a regular basis. Some of you I haven't even spoken with in 2 months and you live down the street. I have neither the time nor the energy to pursue a relationship right now. And you know what? That's ok! Sometimes even though you want something it's in your best interest not to have it at that moment.
So like I said earlier, there is beauty in my breakdown. In short, I am ok. I am ok.
This lj has become an integration of a personal journal and a forum to let others know how I'm doing. This entry is a combination of the two.
So, I'm been sick for about a week and a half now, which is very not fun. And per my entry from friday: I'm falling apart. I told my mother this and she said to me sometimes we need to fall apart before we can be put back together. So that's what's happening. I'm coming back together. Being sick necessitates staying home and taking care of myself. Of listening to my needs. Lately I've been putting everyone else's needs ahead of my own. Right now I'm trying to learn to balance the two.
Also, very importantly my faith has been restored. When I was in Israel I decided I was ready for a relationship. And at every period of my life whenever I was ready for a new crush, someone showed up. I lost faith that would happen to me, so I joined OkCupid. I know that practically everyone has met their current someone online these days, but that's not the love story I want. I want someone to fall into my life. Anyway, I had been messaging with this guy Dave. This Saturday I went to a benefit for a local charity (and saw a rapping monk!). And I saw him. He was volunteering with the charity. But I didn't approach him because 1.) I wasn't sure it was him and 2.) that's really freakin' awkward (I had no idea he was going to be there.) Anyway, I told my mom this and she said she doesn't think it's that weird because like people are attracted to like things. So I took it as a sign. A sign I don't need to lose faith that someone will come into my life. I met this guy online and I randomly met him in person anyway. So I have promptly deleted my OkCupid profile. It was sort of by accident, but whatever. (Also, none of the people I message will probably read this but, I'm putting the energy out in the universe anyway: I'm sorry! Sorry I haven't responded to you. Sorry for my abrupt removal. Apologies.) So I have faith. I have faith the right person will come into my life at the right time.
And also, this goes along with meeting my needs. As much as I want a relationship, now is a HORRIBLE time. I don't even have time to go shopping for desperately needed items. How am I supposed to be in a relationship with somebody? I don't even have enough time to see my friends on a regular basis. Some of you I haven't even spoken with in 2 months and you live down the street. I have neither the time nor the energy to pursue a relationship right now. And you know what? That's ok! Sometimes even though you want something it's in your best interest not to have it at that moment.
So like I said earlier, there is beauty in my breakdown. In short, I am ok. I am ok.