Editing
I need to be in bed right now but I also need to get this out.
I sent my mom my book for its first edit. She's super critical and a perfectionist so I figure she'd be the best person to tell me whether I wrote a piece of trash and if anyone would buy it. As she started telling me her (very valid) critiques I started to view them as a personal affront. Like if I didn't write The Best Thing Ever on the first go around it's a reflection of my worth as a person and an artist. "Oh my god, I need to make revisions! That means I'm a terrible writer and I suck completely and totally!" Really.
It's because this is the first thing I've written that's mine, that comes from my heart. That I poured myself into. The stuff I write for work? Psshaw. Slice and dice it baby. I don't care.
I realized a few things.
1.) Everyone needs an editor. Even the best writer in the world needs an editor. You know why? Because writers and artists tend to get tunnel vision and they need someone to give them perspective. They need someone to come in and polish their diamond. The essence is there already. Editors make the diamond sparkle and that's awesome. It's not a reflection of the writer's ability. It's really not.
And that brings me to my second conclusion.
2.) It's not my job to dump perfection on the page. I'm a writer because I convey something to the outside world. I crystallize an experience or an emotion. My ability is not dependent on the amount of red ink I receive. I'm a writer because I write.
It's after midnight so this post probably makes zero sense but I guess I'm saying I don't need to take critiques personally. I am not my art even though I pour myself into my art. My worth doesn't come from the success or failure of my art. It doesn't come from anything I'm doing but rather my person. My being. My is-ness. I would be just as worthy an individual if I slept on a cardboard box on the sidewalk. I would be just as deserving if I hijacked cars because my worth is not tied to actions or to art. I am a divine being, and thus I am worthy.
And what does it mean to be a "good" writer? A good writer compared to what? To who? There are quite a few writers I think are terrible but they're incredibly popular. Somebody thinks they're good.
In the end, I don't think it matters whether I'm a "good" writer or not. I don't need to get praise or attention or accolades for my writing ability because as I said above, my worth is not tied to my writing. In the end, I'm a writer, and that's all that matters. I'm honest and direct and real. And that's it. I write because I have to. And truly, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because even if every reviewer on the face of the planet told me my writing is complete shit and they should revoke my title, I would do it anyway. I would do it anyway. You know why? Because it's only a good day if I've written something. Because even when I'm so tired I have enormous circles under my eyes I stay up a little longer to write in my journal. You know why? Because I'm a writer. The end.
I sent my mom my book for its first edit. She's super critical and a perfectionist so I figure she'd be the best person to tell me whether I wrote a piece of trash and if anyone would buy it. As she started telling me her (very valid) critiques I started to view them as a personal affront. Like if I didn't write The Best Thing Ever on the first go around it's a reflection of my worth as a person and an artist. "Oh my god, I need to make revisions! That means I'm a terrible writer and I suck completely and totally!" Really.
It's because this is the first thing I've written that's mine, that comes from my heart. That I poured myself into. The stuff I write for work? Psshaw. Slice and dice it baby. I don't care.
I realized a few things.
1.) Everyone needs an editor. Even the best writer in the world needs an editor. You know why? Because writers and artists tend to get tunnel vision and they need someone to give them perspective. They need someone to come in and polish their diamond. The essence is there already. Editors make the diamond sparkle and that's awesome. It's not a reflection of the writer's ability. It's really not.
And that brings me to my second conclusion.
2.) It's not my job to dump perfection on the page. I'm a writer because I convey something to the outside world. I crystallize an experience or an emotion. My ability is not dependent on the amount of red ink I receive. I'm a writer because I write.
It's after midnight so this post probably makes zero sense but I guess I'm saying I don't need to take critiques personally. I am not my art even though I pour myself into my art. My worth doesn't come from the success or failure of my art. It doesn't come from anything I'm doing but rather my person. My being. My is-ness. I would be just as worthy an individual if I slept on a cardboard box on the sidewalk. I would be just as deserving if I hijacked cars because my worth is not tied to actions or to art. I am a divine being, and thus I am worthy.
And what does it mean to be a "good" writer? A good writer compared to what? To who? There are quite a few writers I think are terrible but they're incredibly popular. Somebody thinks they're good.
In the end, I don't think it matters whether I'm a "good" writer or not. I don't need to get praise or attention or accolades for my writing ability because as I said above, my worth is not tied to my writing. In the end, I'm a writer, and that's all that matters. I'm honest and direct and real. And that's it. I write because I have to. And truly, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because even if every reviewer on the face of the planet told me my writing is complete shit and they should revoke my title, I would do it anyway. I would do it anyway. You know why? Because it's only a good day if I've written something. Because even when I'm so tired I have enormous circles under my eyes I stay up a little longer to write in my journal. You know why? Because I'm a writer. The end.