what to do
i need to get out of this house. its suffocating me.
i need to go out, but where and with who?
there is club blink... gothic industrial metal nightclub, close to work, but a late night with a badly injured foot can only mean trouble with my 5am start tomorrow.
there is luke... who is heading into wollongong tonight for to watch his mates band play, but i know that if i head out with him tonight i will only hinder him with my bleeding heart epidemic.
and there is the final option, stay at home. once again check my phone for messages, check avd for signs of life, or sympathy, or ash. eat a meat pie for dinner, and fall asleep watching kung fu movies and cry every time i see or hear anything to do with romance.
i have been a stouyt defender of romance for all of my years. i have always said that romance is not dead... merely lost, waiting to be found whilst being tormented and ripped at by lust and sex.
now all i can feel is that lust and sex have finally raped romance of its final breath... the romance inside me is dead.
the purge is only half complete. i have excommunicated with everything to do with her, and the pictures on my wall have been torn down. but i still keep photos of her on my phone and computer... i cannot do it.
she has messaged me today... telling me she arrived in darwin safely, and that peter brock died. i have not replied. i told her that i wouldnt contact her while she was in darwin, and i dont plan to talk to her when she gets back. my heart is broken and bleeding to the point where its viscuous fluid fills my lungs and sears my throat, i cannot speak to her.
take the time to look through my archives, and re read my first ever post in this journal... i have once again become everything i hate.
i need to go out, but where and with who?
there is club blink... gothic industrial metal nightclub, close to work, but a late night with a badly injured foot can only mean trouble with my 5am start tomorrow.
there is luke... who is heading into wollongong tonight for to watch his mates band play, but i know that if i head out with him tonight i will only hinder him with my bleeding heart epidemic.
and there is the final option, stay at home. once again check my phone for messages, check avd for signs of life, or sympathy, or ash. eat a meat pie for dinner, and fall asleep watching kung fu movies and cry every time i see or hear anything to do with romance.
i have been a stouyt defender of romance for all of my years. i have always said that romance is not dead... merely lost, waiting to be found whilst being tormented and ripped at by lust and sex.
now all i can feel is that lust and sex have finally raped romance of its final breath... the romance inside me is dead.
the purge is only half complete. i have excommunicated with everything to do with her, and the pictures on my wall have been torn down. but i still keep photos of her on my phone and computer... i cannot do it.
she has messaged me today... telling me she arrived in darwin safely, and that peter brock died. i have not replied. i told her that i wouldnt contact her while she was in darwin, and i dont plan to talk to her when she gets back. my heart is broken and bleeding to the point where its viscuous fluid fills my lungs and sears my throat, i cannot speak to her.
take the time to look through my archives, and re read my first ever post in this journal... i have once again become everything i hate.