It feels like I'm coming up to an important date...
August in a turning point sort of month. Maybe not. It's usually when school would start up for me. I also have a photo dated in this month taken a year ago that makes me incredibly sad. This month is the month of... I dunno. Fuck it.
I thought I could write something interesting and engaging, touching and ambiguous, personal and universal. But I can't. All I can think of is how much I hate her and how much I hate myself. I hate that it has to be this way. I hate that I'm sick. I hate that I'm pretty much broke right now. I hate that I can't get away from all this shit or the past or figure out what I really want.
I hate that my internet is down right now and I can only check up on things once and awhile. I hate that I can't get the band to the point I wish I could. I hate that my apartment is a such a fucked up mess. I hate that I don't have any time. I hate this government and this asshole policy of blowing the shit up out of people. I hate that I feel emotionally retarded.
I hate having to rely on a job to make ends meet. I hate that I can't be constantly distracted or drugged up. I hate that I can't let things go. I hate my shoulder because it's all cramped up and it hurts like hell. I hate my tonsils for being weak little pieces of shit and not being able to keep up with my stupid lifestyle. I hate that I'm lonely all the time and I hate that I don't have enough alone time.
I hate money. I hate rent. I hate credit card bills.
I'm burning a bunch of old papers tonight. I just now decided this needs to happen.
I'm tired of the past.
I thought I could write something interesting and engaging, touching and ambiguous, personal and universal. But I can't. All I can think of is how much I hate her and how much I hate myself. I hate that it has to be this way. I hate that I'm sick. I hate that I'm pretty much broke right now. I hate that I can't get away from all this shit or the past or figure out what I really want.
I hate that my internet is down right now and I can only check up on things once and awhile. I hate that I can't get the band to the point I wish I could. I hate that my apartment is a such a fucked up mess. I hate that I don't have any time. I hate this government and this asshole policy of blowing the shit up out of people. I hate that I feel emotionally retarded.
I hate having to rely on a job to make ends meet. I hate that I can't be constantly distracted or drugged up. I hate that I can't let things go. I hate my shoulder because it's all cramped up and it hurts like hell. I hate my tonsils for being weak little pieces of shit and not being able to keep up with my stupid lifestyle. I hate that I'm lonely all the time and I hate that I don't have enough alone time.
I hate money. I hate rent. I hate credit card bills.
I'm burning a bunch of old papers tonight. I just now decided this needs to happen.
I'm tired of the past.