Home is Where the Heart Is
I don't necessarily buy the colloquialism that is my title. I realize this makes me sound like a terrible person, but it's true. Don't get me wrong, I love being home, I love my family and friends but I sometimes wish I could do all this loving at a distance. It's just that my family sometimes tend to be a bit selfish. I have always been the listener and the peacekeeper, the one they turn to when they need to vent and while I don't mind (hugely) it just rubs the wrong way when I want to do the same thing and it either turns into a conversation about them or how I am complaining about them or just basically unproductive and unsatisfying for me. Maybe it's conceited to say this, but I do not think any of them really get me. They think they have me figured out yet they haven't necessarily allowed for changes I've made or undergone and it's frustrating to say the least. They have ideas of what they want me to be or what they think I should be and they are not really correct. And sometimes they are...but not often enough. And basically I just want space. Family relations are not always the best between members of my family however I get along with everyone so there is always tension and guilt trips and I just find myself biting my tongue more often than I'd like. A 15 minute phone call is a lot less stressful than a five month stay. God help me.