Movies and Weed - a random rant with no direction

Jan 20, 2008 00:15

I have been smoking way too much weed this year. I’m referring to the 07-08 fall and spring when I use the term “year” - what can I say, I admit I haven’t moved on from the life I had in school.

I watch a lot of movies. Living with guys that buy new releases every Tuesday and that opted for the HBO directv package has provided me with more than enough access to movies… well popular movies anyway. You bring one “Baadasssss!!!” to the viewing table and they laugh at your selection - anyway, that’s a different topic as well. I mention my movie watching because it goes so well with hydroponic inhalation.

The problem with watching all of these movies while high is the fact that marijuana has negative effects on memory. So I’ll be watching a movie - or as I like to sometimes put it, “escape into a movie” - and I’ll be enjoying it on an even higher level (no pun intended) than if I weren’t under the influence. I can get pretty intense while watching movies completely sober - so with the added stimulus of a blunt or bowl the film is an even stronger, yet more sensitive experience.

Furthermore, while I’m high, somehow it is easier for me to focus all of my attention onto one platform (platform isn’t the right word, but it’ll serve as a decent placeholder for the time being). Many times being high causes an individual to maybe feel more or think more, or maybe more deeply - but I feel that I can control my high to a certain extent - as long as its on my own terms (if I’m high as a kite on someone else’s dime and at a party or something, I will be all over the place). Anyway, when I watch tv or a movie, I can just get lost in the storyline. And if I let myself, I will immerse myself into it. I really get to feel the movie. I prefer funny movies because at this point in my life, I need some laughter. I used to prefer watching sad and more serious movies by myself, so that I could feel free to allow my emotions to really show themselves, as I am too embarrassed to actually cry in front of others. I’d get my laughs through interacting with friends and other acquaintances. Now it is quite the opposite. My lack of interaction with people is creating a void in my life where there was once comedic relief. When I watch a funny movie, I find myself making jokes to imaginary people. It’s sad, but it makes me happy.
Part of me thinks “well if I act crazy when I’m high, then I’m not really crazy.”
And wow, I completely lost where I was going with this. But at least I started letting some of it out, right?

Of course, a decently funny movie is going to be an extremely hilarious movie while high. So I’ll live my life as if I really found the movie to be extremely hilarious. I might have a conversation with someone about it and they’ll argue that it was mediocre, and I’ll defend it. Of course then they’ll ask what I liked so much about it - and well, I can’t really recall that many sequences that were funny, let alone hilarious. Memory loss. What the hell was I even laughing at? I really don’t know any more.

On the other hand, sometimes I like the fact that I don’t remember the movie as well as I’d like to. When I watch it again, it’s like I get to experience much of it like new again. It’s not that I’ve lost all recollection of the movie, it’s more like “hahaha, oh man, I forgot all about that part.” When you rewatch a movie and you know what’s coming, it just won’t be as enjoyable as the first time. And I guess that’s all I have to say about that.

I’ve been really craving weed since I got back to LA. I just kinda want to get rid of that lonely feeling. This is a problem, I can admit that. This is where reliance on drugs starts. Like I can’t be happy without smoking weed. But that’s not true, because I’m not happy when I smoke weed like that - I’m just not myself, I’m something else. I’m the movie I’m watching, the song I’m listening to.
I need to find better outlets when I’m high - like this. I feel that writing is really genuine. It really is a way of expressing myself. So, if I was high, I’d still be myself. I’d be getting to know myself even better, rather than running away from myself.

I dunno, this is making my life sound pretty dramatic. I guess I’d be a good soap-opera writer - I can turn bullshit into gold.
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