I have returned!
YEAH! im BACK NOW! woot wooot~ did everyone missed me? I sure missed a lot of you. :]
though I have started this entry in a light manner, the experience that i am about to disclose is not of such manner at all.
This retreat... was an eye opener. The emotions I felt there were... indescribable, I must say. Regardless, I will try to explain as best as I can.
I felt like I have received a glimpse of Heaven what might be like. There at the tabernacle, everyone was rejoicing, dancing, and praising to God... it was a truly amazing sight. I was personally moved to the point of tears, and during the five days I stayed there, many feelings came across my heart. Guilt, fear, wholeness, completeness... they were the majority of the emotions I felt. But, above all, there were the feelings of... pure JOY, and the feelings of Unity as all three churches gathered there mingled into a single group, crying out to the Lord of Heaven. Not as separate 287 voices of the student, nor as separate 3 voices of the churches, but as a single voice praising the Lord Almighty, the Father. The emotions that were felt aren't something easily understood... you just had to be there to feel it. I truly believe that God was present during the whole 5 days of the retreat, and that He was guiding and teaching all of us.
There were also moments where my heart would burst, as well as dozens of other fellow students present. The sermons were about various things, including issues concerning families and friends who have not yet accepted Jesus Christ as the Savior. We prayed with all our hearts for hours for the people dear to us, with everyone on their knees. We huddled up, supporting one another in various groups, while our leaders hovered among the crowds praying with us, and listening to what we had to say. I was on my knee as well, right at the front of the tabernacle. I was praying as I have never done so before, tears streaming down my eyes as I prayed for my friends as well as the lost ones. Then something amazing happened - my heart, which was in a turmoil just a few seconds prior suddenly turned calm, as how a raging storm would just suddenly turn into a serene sea. It was totally amazing. Then that was when I had a strike of a revelation - that in order to do what I asked God to do, I must change myself.
I started to self evaluated myself, still praying to God. For starters, I realized that I was a hypocrite - all the praise songs that I sung to God about, the lyrics which left my mouth, werent realized. When I sung "I live my life for you God", I realized that I really didnt live my life for him. I realized that I did not even try to do such thing, in fear of other's judgments. Then I started to confess. I really wanted to change into a different person. I confessed my darkest sins, my deepest and darkest of secrets to God in that prayer. I opened my heart to Him - I asked Him to break me, and mold me into what He desired me to be. and I prayed once more, asking Him to use me to deliver the Word to people around me, the people I care about, the people I consider "friends"- that would be you guys, reading this entry. I just wanted you guys to know, that my heart goes out for you guys. I really do. and when I heard the same old "People who does not accept Jesus Christ as their Savior will go to Hell", I found something different. I found a well of fear springing up inside me, consuming me for the last 4 days. Even though the fact I heard was something I've heard over and over, but it somehow made me become... worried. Yeah, some of you may laugh at my reason - that's fine, but just know that I really do care for you guys.
I just... had a great time at this retreat. This was the first time I have lowered the walls around my heart, leaving myself completely defenseless and open to the world. This entry is like... a declaration, of sort. This is the beginning step of my transformation - and also the declaration that I will not be just John anymore, but John who will be used by God to do His will. I swear, I will change, and I will become someone different. I won't be a useless person that only cares about himself anymore... and I pray to God that this newly found passion and love do not go to waste as the time passes by, but remain completely unchanged, undisturbed by the Satan's temptations and the sins of this world. I also pray for my forgiveness for all the sins I've done, and all the things I've done wrong - I was an awful person, but I pray that with Your depthless Love that I may be changed into a person that you may see and be pleased at. I don't want to be a sinner anymore, God.
Praise be the name of the Almighty God of Heaven, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit - the One who was, is, and will be, and the One who has died for us, and the One who created the Earth and the Heavens, and the One who is our only Way. Let His will be done.
In almighty Jesus's name I pray, Amen.
though I have started this entry in a light manner, the experience that i am about to disclose is not of such manner at all.
This retreat... was an eye opener. The emotions I felt there were... indescribable, I must say. Regardless, I will try to explain as best as I can.
I felt like I have received a glimpse of Heaven what might be like. There at the tabernacle, everyone was rejoicing, dancing, and praising to God... it was a truly amazing sight. I was personally moved to the point of tears, and during the five days I stayed there, many feelings came across my heart. Guilt, fear, wholeness, completeness... they were the majority of the emotions I felt. But, above all, there were the feelings of... pure JOY, and the feelings of Unity as all three churches gathered there mingled into a single group, crying out to the Lord of Heaven. Not as separate 287 voices of the student, nor as separate 3 voices of the churches, but as a single voice praising the Lord Almighty, the Father. The emotions that were felt aren't something easily understood... you just had to be there to feel it. I truly believe that God was present during the whole 5 days of the retreat, and that He was guiding and teaching all of us.
There were also moments where my heart would burst, as well as dozens of other fellow students present. The sermons were about various things, including issues concerning families and friends who have not yet accepted Jesus Christ as the Savior. We prayed with all our hearts for hours for the people dear to us, with everyone on their knees. We huddled up, supporting one another in various groups, while our leaders hovered among the crowds praying with us, and listening to what we had to say. I was on my knee as well, right at the front of the tabernacle. I was praying as I have never done so before, tears streaming down my eyes as I prayed for my friends as well as the lost ones. Then something amazing happened - my heart, which was in a turmoil just a few seconds prior suddenly turned calm, as how a raging storm would just suddenly turn into a serene sea. It was totally amazing. Then that was when I had a strike of a revelation - that in order to do what I asked God to do, I must change myself.
I started to self evaluated myself, still praying to God. For starters, I realized that I was a hypocrite - all the praise songs that I sung to God about, the lyrics which left my mouth, werent realized. When I sung "I live my life for you God", I realized that I really didnt live my life for him. I realized that I did not even try to do such thing, in fear of other's judgments. Then I started to confess. I really wanted to change into a different person. I confessed my darkest sins, my deepest and darkest of secrets to God in that prayer. I opened my heart to Him - I asked Him to break me, and mold me into what He desired me to be. and I prayed once more, asking Him to use me to deliver the Word to people around me, the people I care about, the people I consider "friends"- that would be you guys, reading this entry. I just wanted you guys to know, that my heart goes out for you guys. I really do. and when I heard the same old "People who does not accept Jesus Christ as their Savior will go to Hell", I found something different. I found a well of fear springing up inside me, consuming me for the last 4 days. Even though the fact I heard was something I've heard over and over, but it somehow made me become... worried. Yeah, some of you may laugh at my reason - that's fine, but just know that I really do care for you guys.
I just... had a great time at this retreat. This was the first time I have lowered the walls around my heart, leaving myself completely defenseless and open to the world. This entry is like... a declaration, of sort. This is the beginning step of my transformation - and also the declaration that I will not be just John anymore, but John who will be used by God to do His will. I swear, I will change, and I will become someone different. I won't be a useless person that only cares about himself anymore... and I pray to God that this newly found passion and love do not go to waste as the time passes by, but remain completely unchanged, undisturbed by the Satan's temptations and the sins of this world. I also pray for my forgiveness for all the sins I've done, and all the things I've done wrong - I was an awful person, but I pray that with Your depthless Love that I may be changed into a person that you may see and be pleased at. I don't want to be a sinner anymore, God.
Praise be the name of the Almighty God of Heaven, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit - the One who was, is, and will be, and the One who has died for us, and the One who created the Earth and the Heavens, and the One who is our only Way. Let His will be done.
In almighty Jesus's name I pray, Amen.