Funny Jokes
ALL DAY AT WORK I GET SO BORED, SO SIT AND READ JOKES ON ALLOY.COM, I HAVE SOOOO MANY AND I THOUGHT I'D SHARE A FEW.....
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.
Dear Wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs that you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and sincerely hope that you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. Your Husband
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband, You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since you are the mathematician, you will appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up
THIS ONE I THOUGHT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE STUFF I WOULD DO WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE ALL KRAAAZY!!!.....
Things To Do In an Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's OK, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
HERE'S ANOTHER:
A jock and a geek got to apply for the same job. The boss says, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job." So they each take the test and the next day they come back to see who the boss chose.
"Well," he says, "Both of you got the same score, but I'm going to choose the geek." The jock complained, "Don't you think that's prejudice or something?"
"Well," the boss said, "Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered 'I don't know,' and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, 'Me either'."
NOW IF YOU LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON, YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE THIS JOKE:
Why did Michael Jackson run to K-mart?
Because he heard that kids pants were half off.
So ThEsE aRe My JoKeS!!!!! nite nite!!!
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.
Dear Wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs that you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and sincerely hope that you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. Your Husband
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband, You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since you are the mathematician, you will appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up
THIS ONE I THOUGHT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE STUFF I WOULD DO WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE ALL KRAAAZY!!!.....
Things To Do In an Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's OK, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
HERE'S ANOTHER:
A jock and a geek got to apply for the same job. The boss says, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job." So they each take the test and the next day they come back to see who the boss chose.
"Well," he says, "Both of you got the same score, but I'm going to choose the geek." The jock complained, "Don't you think that's prejudice or something?"
"Well," the boss said, "Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered 'I don't know,' and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, 'Me either'."
NOW IF YOU LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON, YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE THIS JOKE:
Why did Michael Jackson run to K-mart?
Because he heard that kids pants were half off.
So ThEsE aRe My JoKeS!!!!! nite nite!!!