Title: My Brother’s Keeper
Chapter: 2/?
Rating: R overall
Pairing: Eventual Dean/Castiel
Summary: Everyone has their story to tell. Balthazar has always kept his close. Until now.
Warnings: References to torture. Some swearing. A lot of drinking.
A/N: My first Supernatural fic, and it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything. Let me know what you think.
DISCLAIMER : I do not own any of this. I am merely taking someone else’s genius and putting my own spin on it. I am not making any money off of this.
Chapter One “So what’s the plan then?” Dean asked, trying so very hard to slip into his uncaring down to business mode. Trying and failing. “You just gonna go to Cas tell him he’s your baby brother and you love him? Maybe reminisce about a broken crayon? I’ve got news for you; real life doesn’t work like that.”
“I’m aware. But Cassie’s still buried in there somewhere. If I can find him, maybe I can save him.”
“Why do you keep calling him that anyway? Do all of you have cute little pet names for each other or something?”
Balthazar chuckled and shook his head. “It started a long time ago. Gabe called Lucifer Lucy once and it pissed him off, but that only made Gabe do it more. Before we knew it, he had a nickname for each of us. We all started using them as a joke and after a while it just became habit. None of us like it and most of us eventually stopped doing it. I suppose it helps me remember. We were family once. My brothers and sisters.”
“That’s just weird.”
“Oh? You don’t still call your brother Sammy?” Balthazar sighed and shook his head. “Not the point. I have to find him.”
“What? You just gonna call him? Maybe drop in and hope he doesn’t smite your ass? I hate to break it to ya, but your little brother isn’t exactly welcoming right now.” Bobby almost looked apologetic.
“I’m still alive aren’t I? If Cas wanted me dead, I would be. There’s a reason he kept me alive.” Balthazar snatched Dean’s bottle and took a long drink. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But I know him well enough that there’s a chance.”
“So the hardest part is finding him. Well alright then, we can just call him- Oh wait. He hates us now.” Dean stole the bottle back and finished it. “I don’t get it. He was all about us being on his side, and now he wants nothing to do with us. He pulls that crap about us not caring, then says we’re nothing to him? You may say he’s still in there somewhere but… He’s not Cas anymore. Not really. You didn’t see the look on his face. Cold and dead. Like he was just seeing through everything. Like he was fucking high or something.”
“He was. Dean, those souls are giving him more power than you can imagine.” Balthazar looked over at Sam. “Remember the demon blood? Magnify that by a million. He thinks he’s a god because that’s how he feels.”
“So he’s not really a god?” The metaphor seemed to have struck a chord with Sam. “But the angel blade-”
“The blade didn’t work because of how much the souls have boosted him. He’s still an angel. A high and mighty invincible angel with a napoleon complex. But still just an angel.”
“Fine.” Dean huffed, staring at the empty bottle. “You think you can get through to him, you go ahead and try. If you can get him deactivated… Get him back…”
“What then Dean? Will you apologize? Will you help him when he needs you? Will you give him a damn hug when he’s falling apart? What compromises and bargains are you willing to make to get him back?” Dean didn’t look up. “I’ll find him. I’ll fix him. I can get Castiel back. But I can’t make him come back to you. You’re going to have to do that yourself.”
Balthazar left without waiting to see if Dean had a reply. He didn’t have one anyway.
~*~
The first place Balthazar checked was really meant to be a starting point. He didn’t actually expect to find Castiel there. So of course that’s where he was. Sitting on the little stone bench. Watching a man fly a kite. He didn’t even turn around when Balthazar walked up behind him.
“I was wondering how long it would take you to come to see me.” There was something in Castiel’s voice. Not just the souls. Not just the power. Something else. Buried deep down. Something broken.
“I wasn’t sure if you were still in a stabby mood.”
“I was angry. I’m sorry. But you betrayed me. I couldn’t just let that go.”
“I would rather stand against you for all that is right, than stand beside you for all that is wrong.” Balthazar didn’t have to see Castiel’s face to know it had a painful expression etched across it. Those were the same words Castiel had choked out to Lucifer all those years ago.
“Is that what this is about? You think I’m like him?”
“I think that was all you wanted for a long time. I think that when he rebelled, you lost a big part of how you identified yourself and you’re still trying to find it. I think you need help.” Balthazar walked around the bench and knelt on front of Castiel, looking him in the eye. He looked so tired. “Please little one. Let me help you.”
“What makes you think I need your help?”
Balthazar took Castiel’s hands in his, holding up to his lips, pressing them against his sad smile. “Because you’re the youngest. We’ve always taken care of you. I remember the first time we lost you. Gabriel went into a rage I’d never seen in him before. He wouldn’t talk with anyone. Wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t an effort to find you. Then when we got you back… Oh Cassie.” Balthazar reached up one hand to smooth the hair from Castiel’s forehead. “We didn’t know what would happen. You were so hurt. Do you remember? You faded in and out. We weren’t sure at first if you even knew where you were. Gabriel held you in his lap, so careful with you, afraid to hurt you more. He kept stroking your face and kissing the top of your head and telling you everything would be alright. Do you remember?”
Castiel nodded, the memory flashing in his mind. Followed by another, more recent memory. Arriving in an old hotel, pagan gods dead in the hallways. Gabriel. Strong, smart, funny Gabriel. His big brother. The burnt imprints of his wings seared into the floor. “I remember.” He whispered, looking at the ground. “You and Rachel tended to my wounds. You were so angry.”
Balthazar nodded, kissing Castiel’s hands again. His own memories rushing forward. Blood. So much of it. Broken twisted wings. Bruises. Burns. Not an inch of Castiel was untouched. All at the hands of someone who had sworn to protect him. He remembered the soft whimpers that escaped Castiel as they cleaned him up. The sharp yelps as they reset his broken wings. The quiet sobs that seemed to begin at the very center of his being. They sat with him. Even after they finished fixing him up. They sat there and held him until he stopped shaking. Days. Weeks. None of them were sure how long it took. None of them cared.
“Why bring this up now?” Castiel mumbled. “What does it matter?”
“Because I know you’re hurt. I know you’re tired. And I know you’ve lost faith. Not just in dad, but in everyone. I think maybe you just need to remember that we still love you. That we’re still here for you. I mean really, we started an entire religion because we couldn’t stand to see you cry.”
Castiel almost smiled at that. He remembered that beautiful young girl all those years ago. Barley sixteen. A group of men raped her and she became pregnant. Castiel knew that once her people found out that she was pregnant unmarried, they would kill her. He wept. Wept for the girl. For her unborn child. For the despicable unfairness of it all. The other’s saw and he begged them to do something about it. Rachel, Balthazar, and Gabriel could never say no to Castiel. It was Gabriel’s idea in the end. He went to the girl and told her that her child was the son of God. That he was to be protected. He even told a few other people when the boy was born. It didn’t end there. Gabriel went back to her son later in his life and helped him perform ‘miracles’. He was eventually executed, which Castiel had always said defeated the purpose.
“Father was very angry with all of you.”
“Ehhh. Wasn’t the first time. Remember when you talked Rachel into stopping Abraham from killing his son?”
“She only did it because I was still angry with her for killing the children of Egypt.”
“She’d have done it anyway.” Balthazar sighed. “Don’t you understand? We’d do anything for you.”
Castiel finally looked back up at Balthazar. A mix of confusion, anger, and sadness on his face.
“Gabriel abandoned me. You and Rachel betrayed me.”
“Gabriel couldn’t handle the fighting anymore. But you told me yourself that he tried to protect you when Lucifer returned.”
“He broke my nose and trapped me on a plane of existence that consisted of nothing but shrimp until the Winchesters forced him to bring me back.”
“He did it because he cared. As for me and Rachel... Castiel. We would save you from anything you need saving from. Including yourself. Please Cassie.” Balthazar saw the corner of Castiel’s lip twitch up at the nickname. “Just this once. Stop being so damn stubborn and listen. You’re tired. You’ve been pushed to the limits. You have done and survived more than anyone could have imagined. It’s time to rest now. Send the souls back to Purgatory. There’s still time to make things right.”
Castiel didn’t reply. At least, not verbally. He slid off the bench onto the ground in front of Balthazar and wrapped his arms around him. Balthazar held his brother tightly, kissing the top of his head, and told him everything would be alright.