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I forgot how difficult a relationship is. How do you love someone so deeply and completely and not offend them or make them upset yet get what you want? How do you ask them to put you in front (really at the same level) as they are without sounding cold hearted and selfish? It's so hard cause I'm watching myself give Justin my all, everything I
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I love him so much, Kristen. I really do. And it's so difficult, because he listens to what the other Kristen says, and says things like, "She raised some good points..."
They were not good points! I have no clue what he's thinking, and I don't want to ask because I'm afraid of the answer, and Christ, I don't want to lose him, but I don't think I even have him.
I just want to have life figured out. I want to be able to write again. I want to be happy with being single, and not all fucking hopeful. Because it's never going to happen, especially not as long as Kristen is in the background, "bringing up good points".
Seriously. She said, "You know, with all the time you two are spending together, she's probably getting the wrong idea."
Fuck. I'm not stupid. Why am I doing this? This is so unhealthy. Especially if I, you know, get pregnant.
Give me a call later if you want. I'm off today, though apparently I've turned into a lush, because Kelly and I have plans to drink the whole day after she gets up....
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