Same
Some things never change. How can it be that I feel the same way I did 20 years ago when I first started writing in LJ? That's pretty depressing, on top of depressing, on top of depressing. Once, a therapist told me that I will probably just always be depressed and there's nothing I can do to stop that. Well, turns out she was right. I was pretty outraged at the time, but now I kind of understand. Some people, like me, are just wired this way. Imagine if I wasn't taking an antidepressant and anti-anxiety meds every day. Can you imagine? I cannot. But I'm sure it would be even more of a disaster. Or maybe not. I don't want to find out. At least I'm in a comfortable numbness while I'm in meds, even if I'm still depressed and ready to curl up in the snow in the mountains of Colorado and die a frigid death.
Under the pine trees, those same pine trees, on those same soft pine needles that tickled my arms on a warm summer day, now six feet under the snow.