World Up Late Night
Working. Working. It seems to consume me now but I don't resent it much. Probably because I am loving it too much to hate it. Yet. I am reminded again and again that my relationship with my job is exactly like my intimate relationships, how I perceive them, my insecurities about them, my fears. Just as I have dealt with my fears in my marriage, being so incredibly blessed with a wonderful husband and fearing that it will end, waiting for the axe to fall, to wake up one day and it all be a dream...I am faced with the same fears in my job. So this is how it feels to lead a semi charmed kind of life. It's amazing and incredible and some days I just don't feel worthy of it all, but mostly I know that I am. I still have those fight or flight urges when I'm stressed out, sometimes feel the urge to run to the mountains, again, because it seems like the easiest thing to do. Easier than staying inside my head. Not everything is perfect. Ever. All we can hope for are brushes with perfection, ebbs and floes, with the certainty that a moon will rise again and the tide will return on days when we just want to sleep.
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