I could, right now.

[kristinasoemo]

Last night I prayed for a little relief from the constant sickness in my stomach- caused by my nerves being crunched up. I actually did feel a little better last night. I have to drag myself out of bed every morning and try to convince myself that there is something worth waking up for. I am trying to just stay away from Cory. This will be the second day of me not speaking to him at all. He went to Purdue yesterday with Matt Dame and said he would call me from there, but never did. He hasn't called me so far today eithier. I don't want him to but then I do. I am so depressed that I am starting to worry about myself. This is such a hard situation and going through it alone just makes it even harder. Seems no matter how much I pray my relief is only temporary. It sounds stupid to everyone else. But this is two years of my life with one person- never being apart or not talking for more than a day. Giving someone everything you have, and giving up even more than what you have because you think they are worth it. Being used, for there personal gain. It hurts worse than anything has ever hurt me before. My life hasn't been easy. I have always been behined everyone else, the lesser....when I got Cory and he was so nice to me, I finally felt like I had made myself worth something. He made me feel of value, needed, wanted and...just...alive.
It shouldn't hurt so bad just to be alive. I miss everything so badly. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I want to be happy again.