(no subject)
Hello world.
Does anyone actually read this anymore? Anyway...I like to write (or type) things down. I think it helps. (?)
I found out yesterday that Mema's chemo hasn't been working. Her tumor has actually grown larger. I broke down while driving (because my Mom told me when I was on my way back from my 4th doctor's appointment this week). I was supposed to be going straight to Mema's to finish wrapping her presents but I had to detour to Target for therapy shopping. I really wanted Starbucks but the line was huge. I was hoping someone would see that I was a wreck and let me ahead of them, but no. All people were worried about was getting more caffeine to do more shopping. No one even stopped me at all during my time in Target to ask if I was okay or needed anything.
This has really bothered me for some reason. I first went into the bathroom when I got in the store, and although the bathroom was packed and I was red and swollen and had obviously been crying, not one woman said a word to me. This has really gotten me down I guess. Its just so sad that so many people could see someone crying and obviously upset and not say anything to them. I hope I'm not that kind of person.
Anyway, back to Mema. Shes taking the news really well. I got the feeling she wanted to talk to me about it so I finished wrapping in a hurry yesterday so I could leave. I don't know what was wrong but I just couldn't stand being there any longer.
At least I got everything wrapped. Approx. 75 presents. WOW. Let's just say you can obviously tell which ones I had the energy to decorate and make pretty with ribbon and things and which ones I was tired and just stuck a bow on. It kind of sucks because I know everything that everyone is getting...even my big present which I accidentally saw.
So, anyway, yes- Mema is starting a new, more aggressive chemo on Monday. It will last for 3 days. She gets 6 hours on Monday at the chemo place, and then they will hook her up to something that will slowly put it in her for the next 24 hours, then on Tuesday they give her another 24 hour bag and on Wednesday they take that away. So basically its like 3 days of chemo. I hope this doesn't make her too sick for Christmas. Maybe the magic pills will help her at least not be nauseous.
So, I've been having pain the the pelvic area (like cramping pain) for about 2 months and back pain for about 2 weeks. My general practitioner was sure it was kidney stones and sent me for a catscan at 7:45 AM yesterday. I found out in the same phone call about Mema that they also didn't find any kidney stones or anything wrong with my gall bladder. Now my doctor says he isn't really sure what to do next.
I also went to my gyno today to see if they could find anything. They didn't. I have no answers and its really frustrating.
Paul is coming tomorrow. I hope I can find things for us to do and not make him regret driving so far. I think we might go to an open house thing downtown tomorrow. Saturday morning I have an MRI on my knee because my knee dtr thinks I have either torn the cartilage or I was born with a plate there. Saturday night we are celebrating Cindy's birthday by eating out somewhere in Huntsville. And Jay has a game in Huntsville at noon that day too- so I'll pretty much be there the whole day.
I decided (finally) that I am never going to fit into my Size 4 jeans and extra small tshirts again, so I've spent the last two days cleaning out all of my clothes here. I ended up with 6 garbage bags full of clothes I don't want anymore. It feels kind of good. No more reminders of how skinny I used to be. Its kind of like starting over, in my mindset and my wardrobe.
Anyway,
I guess I'll start cleaning out the "things" in my room now. I can't believe how much fits into one room.
Ok, time to clean the room.
Does anyone actually read this anymore? Anyway...I like to write (or type) things down. I think it helps. (?)
I found out yesterday that Mema's chemo hasn't been working. Her tumor has actually grown larger. I broke down while driving (because my Mom told me when I was on my way back from my 4th doctor's appointment this week). I was supposed to be going straight to Mema's to finish wrapping her presents but I had to detour to Target for therapy shopping. I really wanted Starbucks but the line was huge. I was hoping someone would see that I was a wreck and let me ahead of them, but no. All people were worried about was getting more caffeine to do more shopping. No one even stopped me at all during my time in Target to ask if I was okay or needed anything.
This has really bothered me for some reason. I first went into the bathroom when I got in the store, and although the bathroom was packed and I was red and swollen and had obviously been crying, not one woman said a word to me. This has really gotten me down I guess. Its just so sad that so many people could see someone crying and obviously upset and not say anything to them. I hope I'm not that kind of person.
Anyway, back to Mema. Shes taking the news really well. I got the feeling she wanted to talk to me about it so I finished wrapping in a hurry yesterday so I could leave. I don't know what was wrong but I just couldn't stand being there any longer.
At least I got everything wrapped. Approx. 75 presents. WOW. Let's just say you can obviously tell which ones I had the energy to decorate and make pretty with ribbon and things and which ones I was tired and just stuck a bow on. It kind of sucks because I know everything that everyone is getting...even my big present which I accidentally saw.
So, anyway, yes- Mema is starting a new, more aggressive chemo on Monday. It will last for 3 days. She gets 6 hours on Monday at the chemo place, and then they will hook her up to something that will slowly put it in her for the next 24 hours, then on Tuesday they give her another 24 hour bag and on Wednesday they take that away. So basically its like 3 days of chemo. I hope this doesn't make her too sick for Christmas. Maybe the magic pills will help her at least not be nauseous.
So, I've been having pain the the pelvic area (like cramping pain) for about 2 months and back pain for about 2 weeks. My general practitioner was sure it was kidney stones and sent me for a catscan at 7:45 AM yesterday. I found out in the same phone call about Mema that they also didn't find any kidney stones or anything wrong with my gall bladder. Now my doctor says he isn't really sure what to do next.
I also went to my gyno today to see if they could find anything. They didn't. I have no answers and its really frustrating.
Paul is coming tomorrow. I hope I can find things for us to do and not make him regret driving so far. I think we might go to an open house thing downtown tomorrow. Saturday morning I have an MRI on my knee because my knee dtr thinks I have either torn the cartilage or I was born with a plate there. Saturday night we are celebrating Cindy's birthday by eating out somewhere in Huntsville. And Jay has a game in Huntsville at noon that day too- so I'll pretty much be there the whole day.
I decided (finally) that I am never going to fit into my Size 4 jeans and extra small tshirts again, so I've spent the last two days cleaning out all of my clothes here. I ended up with 6 garbage bags full of clothes I don't want anymore. It feels kind of good. No more reminders of how skinny I used to be. Its kind of like starting over, in my mindset and my wardrobe.
Anyway,
I guess I'll start cleaning out the "things" in my room now. I can't believe how much fits into one room.
Ok, time to clean the room.