Another Week
Salut
I spent the weekend in Augusta with Paul and his parents. It was nice, but not nearly as relaxing as I would have liked/ needed. We did play a really fun game called Blokus, which I think I need to invest in soon. And Paul got to scare kids on Halloween with a large sword. And we went shopping. Not bad, I guess. I think I might just be homesick. I thought maybe going to Augusta would help, but I still miss my family- especially Lina. I pretty much cry whenever I see a kitty now. Inside, at least...
Amy is gone to Chicago for a conference and I am alone in the room for the longest I think I have ever been alone here. Its odd. Kind of nice, I guess- but I have to say, I miss Amy. Its kind of lonely.
I'm behind on my work, like always. I don't feel any particular need to get it done though. Either my anxiety has hit a new high where I just can't feel anything anymore or I am numb to the world. I do feel sad. I cry a lot for no reason I can say at the time.
In less than a week one of us will be turning 21. I feel like we've hit a new point in our lives. Whats the milestone after 21? 25? 30? Wow. How odd.
I had multiple discussions about Paul and my pending marriage this weekend with his parents. Paul said that's an awkward topic for guys. I think that hes scared. His parents didn't seem at all surprised though.
I think, I think too much about such things. I spend time worrying about our lives after college...jobs? house? money? family? And I don't live in the present. I feel like I might be missing something. But I do want to start my life with Paul. I want to always have him by my side. I want everyone to know how devoted we are to one another. I feel like no one takes relationships seriously unless you hit the "engaged" point. I want to be taken seriously.
I feel like a hypocrite because I always talked about how I wanted to be so independent and travel and live on my own. But, I think that was before I knew that something like my relationship with Paul could exist. I want to travel...with him. I want to live somewhere new...with him. I want to share my experiences. I think I can still work in my field and live and love Paul.
If not, I choose Paul. No hesitation. I'll teach geography or something. I don't think I could ever be happy without him. He has become part of me. I feel like people judge how committed we are and how much we love each other. I think we would be taken more seriously in a time period when everyone wasn't so judgmental of the concept of "love". I'm tired of being scoffed at when I talk about how much we love each other, how I know we will always be together. We will because we want to. Isn't that enough for everyone? Isn't the fact that I love him enough?
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
Lets break the stigma. Lets talk about love.
Au revior
I spent the weekend in Augusta with Paul and his parents. It was nice, but not nearly as relaxing as I would have liked/ needed. We did play a really fun game called Blokus, which I think I need to invest in soon. And Paul got to scare kids on Halloween with a large sword. And we went shopping. Not bad, I guess. I think I might just be homesick. I thought maybe going to Augusta would help, but I still miss my family- especially Lina. I pretty much cry whenever I see a kitty now. Inside, at least...
Amy is gone to Chicago for a conference and I am alone in the room for the longest I think I have ever been alone here. Its odd. Kind of nice, I guess- but I have to say, I miss Amy. Its kind of lonely.
I'm behind on my work, like always. I don't feel any particular need to get it done though. Either my anxiety has hit a new high where I just can't feel anything anymore or I am numb to the world. I do feel sad. I cry a lot for no reason I can say at the time.
In less than a week one of us will be turning 21. I feel like we've hit a new point in our lives. Whats the milestone after 21? 25? 30? Wow. How odd.
I had multiple discussions about Paul and my pending marriage this weekend with his parents. Paul said that's an awkward topic for guys. I think that hes scared. His parents didn't seem at all surprised though.
I think, I think too much about such things. I spend time worrying about our lives after college...jobs? house? money? family? And I don't live in the present. I feel like I might be missing something. But I do want to start my life with Paul. I want to always have him by my side. I want everyone to know how devoted we are to one another. I feel like no one takes relationships seriously unless you hit the "engaged" point. I want to be taken seriously.
I feel like a hypocrite because I always talked about how I wanted to be so independent and travel and live on my own. But, I think that was before I knew that something like my relationship with Paul could exist. I want to travel...with him. I want to live somewhere new...with him. I want to share my experiences. I think I can still work in my field and live and love Paul.
If not, I choose Paul. No hesitation. I'll teach geography or something. I don't think I could ever be happy without him. He has become part of me. I feel like people judge how committed we are and how much we love each other. I think we would be taken more seriously in a time period when everyone wasn't so judgmental of the concept of "love". I'm tired of being scoffed at when I talk about how much we love each other, how I know we will always be together. We will because we want to. Isn't that enough for everyone? Isn't the fact that I love him enough?
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
Lets break the stigma. Lets talk about love.
Au revior