oh, I'm naive as hell.
I guess to really sit down and think about what it must take out of someone else to have an impact on YOU, big enough to remember them forever, is really quite fascinating to me. to think of all the reasons why you tick. and how some people just make you tick a little faster. clockwork, really.
There's this person, this boy, that I hold at the very top of my list. This one person, everything he is made up of, changed my life. And I mean it, even that long ago.. I was young. I'm still young, I'm still very young, but I was much younger. and much more impressionable. We talk occasionally, every few months or so, I mean it's no story that would turn into a Lifetime original movie or anything. It's just a part of my life, or my past, rather, that I willingly come back to every now and then. and every now and then.. no matter how much I have changed, or how much he has changed, we still click. We come from two completely different worlds, and when I say completely different, I almost feel as if that's SUCH an understatement. so you might get the picture. I guess the thing that I love the most about it, is that the bond between us is pure, it's real. it's a judgement-free area, something that comes few and far between for myself and everyone else in the world. Most of the reason I never became a writer like I wanted to since I was little is because I can't put into words the things that I feel. and this is not me indirectly saying something like "the things that I think and feel are SO intense there aren't even words for it!" ... it's just really, that the way my mind is set up inhibits me from being able to say what I want to, because I can't correctly form words into sentences that express my point. and this is one of things that I could never explain, or successfully get across to anyone, and that's completely alright. I just thought that I would make the effort anyway. He's just my clockwork, and simply put, he always will be.
Good things have happened lately. Well, good and bad. Of course, how natural is that.. but usually it's not in such extreme measures as these. Luckily the good outweighs the bad, in this case, and I truthfully just smiled thinking about it. I don't know, whatever, I'm lame. and I like using comma's too much as you may have noticed. and I've gotten into this habit of talking to people for over an hour on my cell phone, which is terrible for my phone bill, AKA for my mom, and also extremely unlike me because I actually hate talking on the phone. Maybe now not so much. who knows. Here's one of the best days of my Life = sleep in late, go to the apartment and hang out with Eric, Greg, Sev and LeAnne for the first time in months (months that lasted too long), drive around with Greg and LeAnne, come home, come online for an hour, get an extremely thoughtful phonecall from somebody.. which, by the way, I've been having a lot of very thoughtful things happen to me lately.. which makes me the happiest girl in the world since I take even the smallest things personally.. Joe, Evan, and Rico come and pick me up, we go to Evan's, eventually leave and go to Rico's, where Rico and I stay up till 6 or 7 in the morning playing Mario Kart and talking about whatever, passing out on his couch, and Joe takes me home in the morning. Now today, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have a good feeling about it. Tomorrow is actually going to be a wonderful, very eventful and fun experience. But most of all, I'm looking forward to this Wednesday & Thursday. Just because.
I feel like this entry is a beast of a thing with absolutely no direction, or.. I had one, and then I lost it because I've never really been one to concentrate on any one thing for too long, and hey, that's cool. right. I'm not driving to Peoria today, I'd never make it back in time. just thinking out loud.
and.. just wondering.. why is it that when I accidentally fall asleep at 6 in the evening, and don't wake up till 4 in the morning.. that I wake up with, like, 15 missed calls. Why can't you people call me when I'm actually awake for once? just make my life easier already.
and I love Arizona tea.
you do miss me.
"want to make out on saturday?"
"sure"
amazing.
There's this person, this boy, that I hold at the very top of my list. This one person, everything he is made up of, changed my life. And I mean it, even that long ago.. I was young. I'm still young, I'm still very young, but I was much younger. and much more impressionable. We talk occasionally, every few months or so, I mean it's no story that would turn into a Lifetime original movie or anything. It's just a part of my life, or my past, rather, that I willingly come back to every now and then. and every now and then.. no matter how much I have changed, or how much he has changed, we still click. We come from two completely different worlds, and when I say completely different, I almost feel as if that's SUCH an understatement. so you might get the picture. I guess the thing that I love the most about it, is that the bond between us is pure, it's real. it's a judgement-free area, something that comes few and far between for myself and everyone else in the world. Most of the reason I never became a writer like I wanted to since I was little is because I can't put into words the things that I feel. and this is not me indirectly saying something like "the things that I think and feel are SO intense there aren't even words for it!" ... it's just really, that the way my mind is set up inhibits me from being able to say what I want to, because I can't correctly form words into sentences that express my point. and this is one of things that I could never explain, or successfully get across to anyone, and that's completely alright. I just thought that I would make the effort anyway. He's just my clockwork, and simply put, he always will be.
Good things have happened lately. Well, good and bad. Of course, how natural is that.. but usually it's not in such extreme measures as these. Luckily the good outweighs the bad, in this case, and I truthfully just smiled thinking about it. I don't know, whatever, I'm lame. and I like using comma's too much as you may have noticed. and I've gotten into this habit of talking to people for over an hour on my cell phone, which is terrible for my phone bill, AKA for my mom, and also extremely unlike me because I actually hate talking on the phone. Maybe now not so much. who knows. Here's one of the best days of my Life = sleep in late, go to the apartment and hang out with Eric, Greg, Sev and LeAnne for the first time in months (months that lasted too long), drive around with Greg and LeAnne, come home, come online for an hour, get an extremely thoughtful phonecall from somebody.. which, by the way, I've been having a lot of very thoughtful things happen to me lately.. which makes me the happiest girl in the world since I take even the smallest things personally.. Joe, Evan, and Rico come and pick me up, we go to Evan's, eventually leave and go to Rico's, where Rico and I stay up till 6 or 7 in the morning playing Mario Kart and talking about whatever, passing out on his couch, and Joe takes me home in the morning. Now today, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have a good feeling about it. Tomorrow is actually going to be a wonderful, very eventful and fun experience. But most of all, I'm looking forward to this Wednesday & Thursday. Just because.
I feel like this entry is a beast of a thing with absolutely no direction, or.. I had one, and then I lost it because I've never really been one to concentrate on any one thing for too long, and hey, that's cool. right. I'm not driving to Peoria today, I'd never make it back in time. just thinking out loud.
and.. just wondering.. why is it that when I accidentally fall asleep at 6 in the evening, and don't wake up till 4 in the morning.. that I wake up with, like, 15 missed calls. Why can't you people call me when I'm actually awake for once? just make my life easier already.
and I love Arizona tea.
you do miss me.
"want to make out on saturday?"
"sure"
amazing.