venting : dreams lost and found.
Sometimes dreams are hidden, lost, forgotton or swept under a rug. I don't think it's ever too late to revisit them.
Once upon a time there were things I hoped to achieve. Things I wished to have in life. Things I dreamed to be in life. Dreamed. I haven't even thought about those "dreams" in so long. Thinking back now it's.. well it is painful. Most of those things I do not have. Most of those things I still want. Locking them away and pretending I want for nothing makes it less painful in some regard. Until, I'm sitting here watching TV, laughing and then the character Ted Mosby's voice-over comes on and says.. "..about giving up on your dreams. It’s usually because it gets too difficult, too expensive, or too scary. It’s only once you’ve stopped that you figure out how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it but it’s always there and until you finish it, it will always be unfinished."
Every word resonates with things I've hidden.
Ouch Ted. Way to pull me out of my fantasy land and shedding light on the fact that ..maybe I'm not as happy as I like to pretend I am. Maybe I need to get my act together and do what *I* need to do, for *me*. Maybe it won't hurt as bad as I think when it all falls apart and maybe it won't even fall apart. Stop with the self sabotage. Cue the music.. ok no don't. It's not a happy ending, it's to be continued. Everyone has dreams. All dreams are different. I don't care to share the dreams I speak of. Some of them I now consider more as ideas not dreams. Good ideas. Ideas worth exploring. The dream .. it's still there. It's raw. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A few years ago I would have laughed in a mocking fashion. Today I realize that that was my way of making myself feel like I don't need "it". I'm fine without "it".
In the past I convinced myself I'd never have this "dream". Life circumstances as they were made some wants and dreams seem silly and insignificant. Doesn't change the fact that they were things I wanted. My dreams. Now I feel like, maybe I can have "it". Why shouldn't I? It can be scary to go after what you want, but if it's important to you shouldn't that be reason enough to throw caution to the wind? I've decided it is.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
~K
*anonymous comments may be left but please leave your name so I know it was you*