I don't wanna be a stupid.... boy
Oh Lord.
I've had the worst couple of weeks ever. It plummeted to a definite here-it-all-ends sort of state yesterday - I was so depressed and desperate for anything to calm myself down with that I gratefully accepted some type of drugs from a guy I know. I don't even remember the name of those drugs, and I doubt you can buy them legally in Norway. Still, I chose to go for it and swallow a bunch. I was told that one pill should be more than enough, so to be on the safe side I took four, which equals 400 mg. Big mistake.
At first I didn't feel anything, but after about 15 minutes I felt the affect, and it was horrifying. It was as if I had smoked one hell of a lot of weed, and despite feeling dozy and having no sense of balance, I couldn't get myself to fall asleep. My heart pounded away like a pair of really big horse's hooves, and I had constant involuntary fits, my arms and legs kicking in every thinkable direction. My limbs ached, and I got an intense yearning for cutting off my left arm, like it wasn't supposed to be there. I was in serious deep shit. I'm pretty certain I would've died, or at least been comatized, if I had taken two or three more of those pills, and seriously considered calling the hospital. But I decided not to, and tried going to sleep. It didn't go very well, and I still felt the affect when I got out of bed at 8 o'clock this morning. Luckily, it passed after a couple of hours.
One good thing, though; I found out that I don't really want to die any longer.
My mood is much better today, and I believe I had to sink that far in order to get back on my feet. I just told myself not to think so badly of myself, but rather see me as a nice person with lots of good qualities. It worked, more or less.
I've had the worst couple of weeks ever. It plummeted to a definite here-it-all-ends sort of state yesterday - I was so depressed and desperate for anything to calm myself down with that I gratefully accepted some type of drugs from a guy I know. I don't even remember the name of those drugs, and I doubt you can buy them legally in Norway. Still, I chose to go for it and swallow a bunch. I was told that one pill should be more than enough, so to be on the safe side I took four, which equals 400 mg. Big mistake.
At first I didn't feel anything, but after about 15 minutes I felt the affect, and it was horrifying. It was as if I had smoked one hell of a lot of weed, and despite feeling dozy and having no sense of balance, I couldn't get myself to fall asleep. My heart pounded away like a pair of really big horse's hooves, and I had constant involuntary fits, my arms and legs kicking in every thinkable direction. My limbs ached, and I got an intense yearning for cutting off my left arm, like it wasn't supposed to be there. I was in serious deep shit. I'm pretty certain I would've died, or at least been comatized, if I had taken two or three more of those pills, and seriously considered calling the hospital. But I decided not to, and tried going to sleep. It didn't go very well, and I still felt the affect when I got out of bed at 8 o'clock this morning. Luckily, it passed after a couple of hours.
One good thing, though; I found out that I don't really want to die any longer.
My mood is much better today, and I believe I had to sink that far in order to get back on my feet. I just told myself not to think so badly of myself, but rather see me as a nice person with lots of good qualities. It worked, more or less.