Kristi's Discussion On Something That Matters, For Once
It's been a while since I've written up a post about what's going on with me, so I figured I would. I'm currently listening to Dave Matthews with cotton balls in my ears (due to ear ache, not volume) and it's put me in a mood to write. Or maybe the mood struck first, and the music fit nicely. I'm not sure. I'm not sure of much.
They say we see things differently. Everyone takes in the world a little different. And I suppose that makes sense. But it seems to me that there's some principles that we should stand on as humans. Take for example the idea of self-respect. Self-respect is the sense of personal worth. Basically what you feel like you mean to yourself. And one of the things about self-respect is that it manifests outwardly. Your actions show how you value yourself. I'm the first to admit I've done some things that showed just how little I valued myself at the time. Everyone screws up; everyone goes through a time in their life that you do things you're not proud of, but, the thing about it is, you've got to pull yourself up.
I don't mean that you can't rely on anyone, but when it comes to fixing issues of self-respect, that's internal. That's something you have to work on as an individual. You have to take a very critical look at yourself (critical but not self-punishing. And yes, there is a big difference), and what you've been doing to yourself, and figure out if that looks like you're taking care of yourself or not. If your actions reflect what's best for you. Or if you're doing things just because it's routine.
Self-punishment can get routine as well. Doing harmful things to yourself, or allowing others to do to you can have a comfort in itself, twisted as it can be. Stability is comforting. It's what we're taught as children (or, at least are supposed to be) to want. We all have certain needs, and stability falls in that. A roof over our heads, food in our tummies, and the arms of someone that cares about us wrapped around us when we need it.
But that can easily get manipulated and pushed out of whack.
Something bad happens to us, and things change. Our stability---our childhood comfort is upset. We're free-falling. We're grasping at anything to help us. We turn to a variety of things---some positive, some not---to help us reorganize our life.
We are an adaptable species. We can get used to just about anything. Humanity is awesome. And awful at the same time.
So, once we've found something to grasp at, we hang on tight. We have to find a balance again, and until we can, we're going to hang on to whatever we've clung to with all the strength we have. And we can take things to the extremes. But the next step, after you've found some sort of rope to get you out of the free-fall, is to pull yourself back up to solid ground. We aren't meant to stay swinging for our lives. We aren't meant to clutch onto one thing, and nothing else. We're meant to adapt. To move forward. To pull ourselves up.
And friends, man, I love friends. Friends are there to give you a hand up when you need it. But the thing about friends is, they can reach out to you, they can help pull you up, but they can't do that if you don't reach your hand out. If you don't put your faith in yourself, and the people that want to help you. If you clutch too tightly to whatever your given crutch is (and how appropriate is the word 'crutch' for this kind of situation?) and refuse to do what you need to do to take their hand...well, friends can't do it all, can they?
So, that brings me to the point of, taking a long look of what's in front of you. Is whatever you leaning on actually a crutch or a cure? If you're in pain (or masking it), then the answer should be clear. A lot of people like to play off crutches as no big deal.
Relationships seem to be one of the biggest things that people can pass off as no big deal. Humans...we, man, we love affection, as a species. We crave it; crave love and attention. We need it in our lives, so, we're willing to do damned near anything to keep it. Even if it's not the most positive experience for us. People that use relationships as a crutch, even if they aren't realizing that's what is happening, will let shit happen to them that they swear would never be allowed, had you asked them...a year, hell, a month before it started. And yet, they get caught up in it. They love, and let themselves believe they're being loved in return. But that's not the case. Relationships need to move two directions. It's like ballroom dancing. If only one partner is dancing, can you really call it a ballroom dance? Or...they take a few steps---the fancier ones, flashy to wow the audience, but can't do the simple ones. So, the partner who's trying their best to make up for it does twice the work, and will take scraps from the other. And that isn't fair. We're not meant to cow ourselves. We're not meant as sacrifices on the altar of love.
So, to wrap myself back around to my original point. We need to understand what it means to value ourselves. We can't really understand how to respect others until we respect ourselves first. There's a reason why "You can't love others until you love yourself" is a cliche. Because it's true. Until we're willing to put ourselves, our health, happiness, and welfare first, we can't do right by anyone else. We can lean on each other, because that's what love is. Love, at it's basic core, is a completely equal flowing movement. It shouldn't be one sided, and we should love freely and abundantly, but we need to love ourselves first. We need to protect ourselves first. And trust people that are looking out for you. Take the offered hand.
And remember. I'll always offer my hand to you. Will you take it?
Will you offer one back?
They say we see things differently. Everyone takes in the world a little different. And I suppose that makes sense. But it seems to me that there's some principles that we should stand on as humans. Take for example the idea of self-respect. Self-respect is the sense of personal worth. Basically what you feel like you mean to yourself. And one of the things about self-respect is that it manifests outwardly. Your actions show how you value yourself. I'm the first to admit I've done some things that showed just how little I valued myself at the time. Everyone screws up; everyone goes through a time in their life that you do things you're not proud of, but, the thing about it is, you've got to pull yourself up.
I don't mean that you can't rely on anyone, but when it comes to fixing issues of self-respect, that's internal. That's something you have to work on as an individual. You have to take a very critical look at yourself (critical but not self-punishing. And yes, there is a big difference), and what you've been doing to yourself, and figure out if that looks like you're taking care of yourself or not. If your actions reflect what's best for you. Or if you're doing things just because it's routine.
Self-punishment can get routine as well. Doing harmful things to yourself, or allowing others to do to you can have a comfort in itself, twisted as it can be. Stability is comforting. It's what we're taught as children (or, at least are supposed to be) to want. We all have certain needs, and stability falls in that. A roof over our heads, food in our tummies, and the arms of someone that cares about us wrapped around us when we need it.
But that can easily get manipulated and pushed out of whack.
Something bad happens to us, and things change. Our stability---our childhood comfort is upset. We're free-falling. We're grasping at anything to help us. We turn to a variety of things---some positive, some not---to help us reorganize our life.
We are an adaptable species. We can get used to just about anything. Humanity is awesome. And awful at the same time.
So, once we've found something to grasp at, we hang on tight. We have to find a balance again, and until we can, we're going to hang on to whatever we've clung to with all the strength we have. And we can take things to the extremes. But the next step, after you've found some sort of rope to get you out of the free-fall, is to pull yourself back up to solid ground. We aren't meant to stay swinging for our lives. We aren't meant to clutch onto one thing, and nothing else. We're meant to adapt. To move forward. To pull ourselves up.
And friends, man, I love friends. Friends are there to give you a hand up when you need it. But the thing about friends is, they can reach out to you, they can help pull you up, but they can't do that if you don't reach your hand out. If you don't put your faith in yourself, and the people that want to help you. If you clutch too tightly to whatever your given crutch is (and how appropriate is the word 'crutch' for this kind of situation?) and refuse to do what you need to do to take their hand...well, friends can't do it all, can they?
So, that brings me to the point of, taking a long look of what's in front of you. Is whatever you leaning on actually a crutch or a cure? If you're in pain (or masking it), then the answer should be clear. A lot of people like to play off crutches as no big deal.
Relationships seem to be one of the biggest things that people can pass off as no big deal. Humans...we, man, we love affection, as a species. We crave it; crave love and attention. We need it in our lives, so, we're willing to do damned near anything to keep it. Even if it's not the most positive experience for us. People that use relationships as a crutch, even if they aren't realizing that's what is happening, will let shit happen to them that they swear would never be allowed, had you asked them...a year, hell, a month before it started. And yet, they get caught up in it. They love, and let themselves believe they're being loved in return. But that's not the case. Relationships need to move two directions. It's like ballroom dancing. If only one partner is dancing, can you really call it a ballroom dance? Or...they take a few steps---the fancier ones, flashy to wow the audience, but can't do the simple ones. So, the partner who's trying their best to make up for it does twice the work, and will take scraps from the other. And that isn't fair. We're not meant to cow ourselves. We're not meant as sacrifices on the altar of love.
So, to wrap myself back around to my original point. We need to understand what it means to value ourselves. We can't really understand how to respect others until we respect ourselves first. There's a reason why "You can't love others until you love yourself" is a cliche. Because it's true. Until we're willing to put ourselves, our health, happiness, and welfare first, we can't do right by anyone else. We can lean on each other, because that's what love is. Love, at it's basic core, is a completely equal flowing movement. It shouldn't be one sided, and we should love freely and abundantly, but we need to love ourselves first. We need to protect ourselves first. And trust people that are looking out for you. Take the offered hand.
And remember. I'll always offer my hand to you. Will you take it?
Will you offer one back?