i month to 2008.
in twenty minutes, it will be december 1st. one more month until 2008. i thought i would never see the day. literally, i didnt think i would make it this year. as wierd and as melodramatic it sounds, its true. the first six months of this year were the worst i have ever lived in my entire life. i dont even know where im at now in the progress of things. its all at a stand still. and i dont feel bad but i definitly dont feel as good as id like to. im lost. uncomfortable. stuck. i need change.
i want to move out of my house really bad. i dont even really know why. i dont know if its the lack of privacy, my need for more personal living space, or what. i was talking to a girl i work at cheese with the other day and she was telling me how when she got her liscense at 16, she loaded up her car and just left her house. she moved to florida and then she lived in a few different states. i was so envious of her. i want to be that free. i want to be confident enough on my own to just go. i feel like i dont appreciate my freedom enough. i give in to my self imposed restraints and i get myself "stuck".
i guess its not as easy as im making it sound. ive tried to stop things that drag me down before and it gets me nowhere. nothing works. ignoring problems doesnt work, tackling them aggressively doesnt work, talking doesnt work, medicine doesnt work, time doesnt work.
so what can i do for now? im trying to keep a smile on my face, my work high-quality, and my schedule tight. working a lot is a great distraction.
i want to move out of my house really bad. i dont even really know why. i dont know if its the lack of privacy, my need for more personal living space, or what. i was talking to a girl i work at cheese with the other day and she was telling me how when she got her liscense at 16, she loaded up her car and just left her house. she moved to florida and then she lived in a few different states. i was so envious of her. i want to be that free. i want to be confident enough on my own to just go. i feel like i dont appreciate my freedom enough. i give in to my self imposed restraints and i get myself "stuck".
i guess its not as easy as im making it sound. ive tried to stop things that drag me down before and it gets me nowhere. nothing works. ignoring problems doesnt work, tackling them aggressively doesnt work, talking doesnt work, medicine doesnt work, time doesnt work.
so what can i do for now? im trying to keep a smile on my face, my work high-quality, and my schedule tight. working a lot is a great distraction.