Sometimes...
I might end up in Washington, DC this summer. It's taking up time, seeing as I've been dusting off my resume for this possible exhibition.
I'm trying to juggle family, work, school, savoring time with friends that I know I won't get to see much of after college, keeping in touch with old friends, boys, training and maintaining my sanity.
Sometimes I wish I could have all the answers in front of me ahead of time. Then again, maybe things wouldn't be fun anymore if I knew how it all was going to turn out. Still, having a couple spoilers would be nice.
Last night I ended up staying home from Royal Oak because there was a snowstorm coming. Drank a little at the bar for the basketball games with Matzi instead, then I sobered up and went to a party with Laura and Sarah. I was so tired by the time we got there that I just wanted to go to sleep, so I went in my friend Chaz's room and napped in his bed until my friends were ready to go home. Everyone thought I had passed out from drinking, but really I was just so exhausted, all at once with everything in my life. The only thing I could do was sleep.
When we were walking home Laura and Sarah were totally wasted and making me laugh. I just looked at them and all of the snow on the trees and I realized how completely unique my life is.
"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."