Doy you ever...
...have a moment where you're just smacked in the face with the sheer privilege of being you? I don't mean yay to be me, I am personally so awesome, I mean the sheer luck of being who I am in the time I am in. I live in a first-world country, I am not poor, I am reasonably well educated, my life is full of friends and family and comfort and the latest consumer technology.
I was walking back from dropping A at daycare and watching everyone around me head to the train to go off to their jobs, and for a minute I was overwhelmed with jealousy and guilt. I was wishing I too was off to do something useful with my time (overlooking of course that while not in the same vein, all the work I plan to do at home today is not without use, and I will have freelance work in the very very near future), feeling like I didn't even deserve to have daycare for my child when I'm not working to earn it. But after a couple minutes of envying these strangers' lives, I thought "Hold on, what the hell is my problem?" Seriously, we are able to afford part-time daycare when I'm not even yet working. I had swung by the overpriced hipster grocery and picked up a cheese Danish and an iced chai, and I didn't have to think about whether or not this fit into my week's budget. When T and I were kids, both our families were very budget-conscious, so this is a privilege neither or us quite knows what to do with or feel about sometimes. I got to come home to a nice, safe house and surf the web while I enjoyed my ridiculous breakfast. Yes, I have made some career-based sacrifices in the past few years, but they've been so that we can live and travel abroad and later so we could have a child. I'm allowed to envy others a little, and of course there are less awesome things happening to us, too, but I've got to remember that my life is lucky and amazing.
I was walking back from dropping A at daycare and watching everyone around me head to the train to go off to their jobs, and for a minute I was overwhelmed with jealousy and guilt. I was wishing I too was off to do something useful with my time (overlooking of course that while not in the same vein, all the work I plan to do at home today is not without use, and I will have freelance work in the very very near future), feeling like I didn't even deserve to have daycare for my child when I'm not working to earn it. But after a couple minutes of envying these strangers' lives, I thought "Hold on, what the hell is my problem?" Seriously, we are able to afford part-time daycare when I'm not even yet working. I had swung by the overpriced hipster grocery and picked up a cheese Danish and an iced chai, and I didn't have to think about whether or not this fit into my week's budget. When T and I were kids, both our families were very budget-conscious, so this is a privilege neither or us quite knows what to do with or feel about sometimes. I got to come home to a nice, safe house and surf the web while I enjoyed my ridiculous breakfast. Yes, I have made some career-based sacrifices in the past few years, but they've been so that we can live and travel abroad and later so we could have a child. I'm allowed to envy others a little, and of course there are less awesome things happening to us, too, but I've got to remember that my life is lucky and amazing.