done. - Jesus called, he said he loves you for reading my journal
at times like this, i can have a very short attention span. i can be very short tempered. amazing how ... all the drama likes to come during the last few weeks of school, and it ALWAYS has to involve YOU. well ... you know what ? i demand a divorce. keep all the shit, just stay out of my fucking life. i know who my real friends are, and its obvious your not one of them. i have two options. be friends with you again, and deal with your bullshit you love to feed me. or i can shut you out, say good luck to you in highschool and move on with my life. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. funny cause my horoscope told me not to give advice right away .. just be there to listen to. its too late now, ive been helping you with this for like the past three months. just when i think things are gonna get better this explodes right infront of me, and there's no other way either than walking over the fire. so what do we do? we walk around the fire, acting like nothing happened .. acting like the fire will just go out in a few minutes. WRONG. the fire builds and builds ... if we dont try to fix this or put it out, the fire just grows to the extent where .. we're all dead. im unbelieveably stressed. why is it that i can never really ... give up on a person? once i help a person, that person becomes my child. i now know it feels to be an unappreciated mother. you give and give and give .. expecting NOTHING. and in the end, all you get is ... taunting, the blame and a never-ending pile of shit. selfishness is the perfect word for the way you treat me. i let it slide before, but now ... its to the point where i actually dont give a shit anymore. odd .. i do that to my mom all the time. karma ? i told myself, i wouldnt let people walk all over me anymore. i told myself that i should actually be that strong independent person that people think i am. i told myself that i wouldnt let this happen to me again. but uh .. all of you should know.. i dont listen to myself. for some reason, people listen to my advice .. and yet, i can never listen to it.
in the book we call life, it is important that we include self reflection in our story ... to take a breath .. and realize whats going on. making decisions is not related to this ... im talking about comprehending the past events that made your life, YOUR life. during these personal assessments, i can really be open-minded. usually, ill clean up my friend's list ... choosing who i dont need, looking at the people who claim they "need" me. or that they "love" me. ill ... look at the decisions ive made, and if theyre wrong then hey i guess i gotta pay for it, right? wouldnt it be great if my life was some ... stolen book .. and that my real life was some copyrighted perfect fairytale. HA. fuck the happy endings. i shouldve paid attention when i read my horoscope.
in the book we call life, it is important that we include self reflection in our story ... to take a breath .. and realize whats going on. making decisions is not related to this ... im talking about comprehending the past events that made your life, YOUR life. during these personal assessments, i can really be open-minded. usually, ill clean up my friend's list ... choosing who i dont need, looking at the people who claim they "need" me. or that they "love" me. ill ... look at the decisions ive made, and if theyre wrong then hey i guess i gotta pay for it, right? wouldnt it be great if my life was some ... stolen book .. and that my real life was some copyrighted perfect fairytale. HA. fuck the happy endings. i shouldve paid attention when i read my horoscope.