(no subject)
There's some LJ drama on the LJ of a friend of mine and I wanted to make a post reguarding it.
Right so here's the situation: (names changed for privacy.)
Jack is(or was) dating Jane who is straightedge. Jack used to drink and smoke but he gave it up for Jane and then did it anyway and lied to here about it. Jane wants to be with someone who is also straightedge and now there's this huge fight between Jack's friends and Jane about whether or not she is controlling Jack. I don't think many of you know Jack/Jane, and i'm not even that close to them, but there is a point to me posting all of this.
I'm sure my opinion on this doesn't matter in the least but I feel like I'm sorta removed from the situation and I can say what I want to say without badgering either side. Jack, you need to figure yourself out dude. You either want to drink and smoke, or you don't and you can be with Jane. Asking a significant other to change for you is a HUGE thing to expect, and if Jane doesn't realise that then she should, however it does sound like she's given you a few chances.
I've seen my fair share of relationships with a prereq., and it often just messes up both parties. I think the problem here is that you wanted to change so you can be with Jane, instead of changing first and THEN being with Jane. When many of your friends drink and smoke you should have though of the reprocussions of giving that up. OF course everyone else is still going to drink and smoke, and of course they're going to want you to as well and it would be emmensely difficult. You need to know yourself and who you are before you can be with anyone else. Now there's a huge mess and everyone's mad at everyone else.
Jane, I'm sure you have your own issues, and its been said before, so does everyone else. My advice to you is don't try to change people. It never works out. Find someone who you can love just as they are.
Jack, I offer you similar advice. Find someone who loves you for you. Trying to change for a boyfriend/girlfriend ESPECIALLY during college is damn near impossible.
That's all I have to say on this matter. hope I didn't offend anyone with anything I said, but if I did, the truth hurts.
Okay, there that is. I guess I just felt compelled to respond to my own comment on my own journal. I just think what I said is really true, for myself anyway. I think its important to know who you are before you try to be yourself with someone else, you know? Its possible to grow up with someone else (meaning dating someone else) but I think it can cloud your view of yourself. Has anyone ever come out of highschool going "Why did I waste so much time with him/her?" I know if I was in a serious relationship in highschool it would have made my entire experience different.
But this isn't highschool anymore. Its time for real life. 4 short years in college and then everyone's expected to grow up, get a carreer and buy a house to start making babies. Doesn't that seem like a hole lotta change in a short amount of time?? Sometimes I fear change. Sometimes I think its the only think that keeps me going from day to day, the hope that maybe if I change enough things in my life I might find what I'm looking for. :-/
Right so here's the situation: (names changed for privacy.)
Jack is(or was) dating Jane who is straightedge. Jack used to drink and smoke but he gave it up for Jane and then did it anyway and lied to here about it. Jane wants to be with someone who is also straightedge and now there's this huge fight between Jack's friends and Jane about whether or not she is controlling Jack. I don't think many of you know Jack/Jane, and i'm not even that close to them, but there is a point to me posting all of this.
I'm sure my opinion on this doesn't matter in the least but I feel like I'm sorta removed from the situation and I can say what I want to say without badgering either side. Jack, you need to figure yourself out dude. You either want to drink and smoke, or you don't and you can be with Jane. Asking a significant other to change for you is a HUGE thing to expect, and if Jane doesn't realise that then she should, however it does sound like she's given you a few chances.
I've seen my fair share of relationships with a prereq., and it often just messes up both parties. I think the problem here is that you wanted to change so you can be with Jane, instead of changing first and THEN being with Jane. When many of your friends drink and smoke you should have though of the reprocussions of giving that up. OF course everyone else is still going to drink and smoke, and of course they're going to want you to as well and it would be emmensely difficult. You need to know yourself and who you are before you can be with anyone else. Now there's a huge mess and everyone's mad at everyone else.
Jane, I'm sure you have your own issues, and its been said before, so does everyone else. My advice to you is don't try to change people. It never works out. Find someone who you can love just as they are.
Jack, I offer you similar advice. Find someone who loves you for you. Trying to change for a boyfriend/girlfriend ESPECIALLY during college is damn near impossible.
That's all I have to say on this matter. hope I didn't offend anyone with anything I said, but if I did, the truth hurts.
Okay, there that is. I guess I just felt compelled to respond to my own comment on my own journal. I just think what I said is really true, for myself anyway. I think its important to know who you are before you try to be yourself with someone else, you know? Its possible to grow up with someone else (meaning dating someone else) but I think it can cloud your view of yourself. Has anyone ever come out of highschool going "Why did I waste so much time with him/her?" I know if I was in a serious relationship in highschool it would have made my entire experience different.
But this isn't highschool anymore. Its time for real life. 4 short years in college and then everyone's expected to grow up, get a carreer and buy a house to start making babies. Doesn't that seem like a hole lotta change in a short amount of time?? Sometimes I fear change. Sometimes I think its the only think that keeps me going from day to day, the hope that maybe if I change enough things in my life I might find what I'm looking for. :-/