:YAWN:
So damn tired..i feel asleep in Geo today..and my teacher slapped my desk..i was like WHAT?!?!?! really loud i had drool on my cheek..i cant fall asleep at night..i think about alot of shit while im sitting there talking to myself..and listening to music..sometimes..i catch myself holding a knife ready to cut but then i think about a promise i made to Derek..and i cant force myself to do it..i think about that promise which makes me cry more..and..i NEVER WANT TO HURT DEREK! i dont want to hurt him EVER I want him to trust me..i know i keep repeating myself but its true!!! I DONT WANNA LOOSE HIS TRUST OR HIS FRIENDSHIP OR HIM!!! AND I WILL NEVER HURT HIM.i dont want to loose him because right now i can tell you he is one of the only few people who are keeping me from killing myself...shelley bri and alyssa are helping..but DEREK..it's almost like i fucking live for him...you ppl might think that im bullshitting this to you..but these feelings are totally true..and i cant help it..my heart has never felt this heavy b4! I have never felt this way b4! i gotta go deal with all this shit..byebyes