Who's to say..
Well I think I updated a little bit ago, but here we go again. I am sitting at my grandma's right now kind of doing homework and kind of getting ready for bed. I worked tonight..yayay..lol..or not. Anyway, I get to go observe again tomorrow, and then I get to work tomorrow night. Oh what a glamerous life I lead. I chose it to be this way, so I can't or won't complain. I got to go to the most wonderfullest chocolate place in the whole world last night..lol. Ok, so if you actually travel the world, the aforementioned may be a lie..lol, but I love that place. There are all these cool shaped chocolates, and they are sooo good. The one shaped like a little banana split was the most amazing of all! I was like a kid in a candy store..literally..lol. So..last night..it was an interesting night in my life. I think it is one I may remember forever. I don't know. I still think about all of it, and I am confused out of my mind. Words..simple words can mean so much. One conversation can make a whole world of thought come about. I heard words last night that make me think of things so differently, but at the same time so much the same. My heart does hurt a little or maybe even a lot. I cannot say it doesn't and be telling the truth. I am confused a lot about myself too. I feel like I shouldn't be, but it is all so much to take in. I kind of lose reality a little when I think about it all too much. I don't want to right now. I just don't. That may be the easy way out, but I just don't know how to think about it all. I am sounding selfish, but I don't know how else to think or feel in this time. I just don't know. what I am supposed to do. Am I supposed to do anything? Am I supposed to do something? I have so many questions, and I feel like I have no one to answer them. I have no one to even ask the questions. Oh well. I guess that is life. I try to not think I have things to deal with, but seriously, when did I get to be a kid. When did I not have to think about all of this stuff. This isn't the only thing that has come up in my life that has totally thrown me for a loop and made me have to grow up even more. I mean yeah, I am 20, but still. I feel like I have been constantly given all these major things since I was young. I don't want to think about any of this anymore, but yet, all of these things that have come and gone..they all stay right where I can think about them all the time. I am happy. I am sooo happy with life right now. I really am. I couldn't be any happier right now with almost everything I have going for me. I just..I don't know there are those things that are always going to be there waiting for me to decide what I am supposed to do. I don't know if this even makes sense anymore, but I just want to go back and be a kid. I want to do that. I want all the adults before to realize I was young..I didn't need to know all the things I knew. I want all of that so that maybe now when I have yet another adult and I consider serious thing to deal with..just maybe I would be able to look right at it and say yes..that is what I am supposed to do. Ok..well this post is getting amazingly too long and confusing. I just need a place for words. I am not always good with them, but it is nice to put them out there, but yet protect everything and not have to say anything specific. I feel maybe a little better. I don't know. I guess I am going to go read a magazine. That is all..no more thinking about the real world..or the unreal world.
~Krissi
~Krissi