spectre spectrum

Sep 01, 2013 22:26

spectre spectrum
chanyeol/kai, pg-13, au, ~1,300 words
we are all made of stardust. jongin realized before everybody else.



(71)

"hey jongin, remember chanyeol?"

jongin swirls his straw in his coffee, trying to prevent it from hitting the ice cubes.

"you know he died in a car accident five days ago?"

jongin's arm tenses up and his eyes look up to meet sehun's. "yeah..." he manages to croak out.

sehun's mind is already far away. his mouth moves, but jongin can't hear him. there's an eerie fascination in sehun's eyes. it comes as no surprise to jongin since sehun has always been a fan of misfortune. except this time, jongin is sure that sehun is not musing over chanyeol’s misfortune.

"...sucks for you, jongin."

the straw hits the ice cubes with too much force and the clinking sound rings in jongin's ear.

(66)

chanyeol's silence has become a form of eloquence. he used to speak with his body: hands waving in the air with a contagious grin meant, "i'm glad to see you," and body hunched over with one hand on his stomach meant "feed me."

but when he's silent like this, standing in the corner of jongin's room, it's his eyes that are expressive. they've lost the fire of life, but are now replaced with a calm ocean, one that can swallow jongin whole if he stares at them for too long.

jongin thinks those eyes will haunt him for a lifetime.

(35)

"fuck." jongin trips over a pile of unwashed clothes when the lights flicker on. "did you break into my house, chanyeol?"

chanyeol stands with downcast eyes in the corner next to jongin's bed. jongin doesn't notice the drop in temperature as he shoves past his dirty laundry on the floor.

"i asked you a question, park chanyeol. did you know it's illegal to trespass?"

jongin's patience wears thin when he hears no reply, so he reaches for chanyeol's shoulder. but when his hands passes through, jongin chokes on his next breath.

(46)

jongin sleeps with the lights on and pulls the covers over his head, body trained not to suffocate. it is only when he is lying awake stretched out in his bed that jongin's thoughts flow freely.

the night always returns what the day had taken.

"you like me, don't you?" jongin presses himself against chanyeol, breath reeking of alcohol.

"you're drunk."

"don't you?" jongin inches closer despite chanyeol's steady hand on his chest.

(3)

when jongin bumps into chanyeol early in the morning, he has to cling on to the taller boy's sleeves to regain balance. jongin sees the world through half-lidded eyes, always too sleepy for his own good. so, he mutters his apology and tries his best to shake the sleep out of his eyes. before chanyeol could turn around, jongin is already in front of him, pretending to pay attention to sehun.

if chanyeol could put his feelings into words, well, he really can't. when jongin's fingers had brushed chanyeol's exposed skin, chanyeol found himself holding his breath, and when he finally could breathe again, he was left with the lingering scent of jongin's shampoo.

(72)

"you're still here, chanyeol? it's been five days already." jongin walks over to the other boy, studying his features for the first time since he had shown up. "i heard about your death today from sehun. scared me more than your ghostly self."

chanyeol stands as if he were still alive, because there is nothing different except for his lifeless eyes.

"close your mouth, why are you gaping at me like a fish? or are you trying to breathe?" jongin can't bring himself to laugh at his own joke so he brings his hand up to chanyeol's chin to close his mouth.

jongin's hand is met with nothing and he's reminded once again that the boy standing in front of him is a ghost.

(48)

when the room is illuminated by shafts of morning light pouring in from between the blinds, jongin looks for him through tired eyes. his recent dreams are tinkering with his sense of time. they're divorcing him from reality, turning ghosts into people. only when he wakes and sees chanyeol still standing in the corner, almost hidden in the absence of light, does he remember.

jongin doesn't sleep with his back turned towards him.

(73)

"are you haunting me, chanyeol? are you mad at me?" jongin begins to raise his voice. "even if you are, you were the one who wanted it!"

chanyeol's mouth moves.

"you don't have to do this. at least say something."

jongin doesn't notice chanyeol move.

"say anything..."

(29)

"so what if i like you? what are you going to do about it?"

jongin likes challenges and by chanyeol's tone, his words certainly sounded like a challenge. he unbuckles chanyeol's belt and chanyeol's already regretting his words.

"wait, jongin. wait." too late, because jongin's mouth is already around chanyeol's cock.

the heat of jongin’s mouth and the softness of jongin's hair curled around his fingers causes chanyeol to come too quickly. jongin half chokes and half swallows, waking from his drunken stupor only to realize what he had done.

chanyeol can't read jongin's eyes because right now there's a fine line between pleasure and disgust. "i'm sorry," chanyeol says before pushing jongin off. he fumbles with his zipper and hurries out the room, leaving jongin confused and out of breath.

(74)

jongin! jongin! jongin jerks up his head to meet chanyeol's eyes. "why are your words not in sync with your mouth?"

what do i do? why am i like this? there's panic and desperation in chanyeol's eyes and all jongin wants to do is to hold him in his arms.

jongin reaches out for chanyeol but he turns into stardust and fades away in his hands.

(41)

chanyeol counts the spaces between jongin's breathe to make sure that he's asleep. when chanyeol is sure, he moves over to the bedside and bends over to bury his face into jongin's brown hair. it's a strange feeling how his body dissipates when met with something physical, something real. it almost makes chanyeol want to cry but he can't even produce tears.

close never felt so far.

(75)

can you hear me, jongin? what should i do? did i just die?

wait, don't go! can't you hear me, jongin?

you can't, can't you?

oh, welcome back, jongin. sorry for scaring you. even i don't know how i ended up here.

no, i'm sorry. it's because i wanted to see you again.

hey where do you think i'll go? i think i've been a good person, so maybe heaven?

what if heaven doesn't exist... what happens to me from now on?

maybe i'll land on a star and watch over you. i'm a sagittarius , so i guess rukbat is where i'll go to. not the brightest but...

did you know that rukbat is about 200 light years from earth. that's far.

i hope i'm not the only one there...it will be lonely.

i guess you really can。t hear me, huh?

i'm sorry.

ah wait! i think my voice just caught up with you!

jongin, can you hear me? i really loved you. i’m sorr-

chanyeol's coarse voice resonates throughout jongin's head as it reaches out to him light years away. the sudden silence weighs heavily down on him.

200 light years is a gap impossible to bridge.

what if it's not about the right time and the right place? what if it's about life. what if it's not in this life?

then are we able to meet again in the next one?

像结束时那样
明知道你没有错
还硬要我原谅

---
* rukbat is not the brightest star in the sagittarius constellation, but burns twice as hot as the sun.
+ inspired by this bl manga
+ thanks for beta-ing downpour

p: chanyeol/kai, !oneshot

Previous post
Up
[]