(no subject)
Ok.... This is stupid....
I expect nothing to be done about this, but I'm still gonna speak my mind. Take it for what it's worth...
I said, if Dave and bitch are gonna be together, then I'm gonna be gone. And I was gone. I don't expect anyone to understand why or how much I hate her. There's a lot of the story that's not being told, that's only getting one sided, that's none of your business. Obviously, I have my reasons why I would sever every friendship I have in this town to avoid her.
So she's out of that picture now. She's still around, yes, but so long as she's 400 miles away, things are fine. And I'm sorry if there's anyone out there that likes her, but to me, she is the lowest form of scum out there.
But the point of this entry isn't to talk about her. (and before anyone asks, the reason she's mentioned so much is because for some reason, i've connected any feelings of anger to her... any time i feel angry, doesn't matter what caused it, i think of her, and how much i hate her. call it a non-violent form of self-aggresion if you want)
No, the point of this is to ask.... What does it take to get forgiveness?
I've tried, on a couple occasions, to bury the hatchet. I mean fuck.....how do you think it feels to be living in a town where you feel like you're not wanted by people that until this little bitch came in to the picture you were good friends with?
So once I heard that it was over, the question became... When would things smooth over? Obviously, not right off the bat. I mean, the general line of thought would be "oh, don't tell kris cause he's just gonna be all "i told you so"." Which is completely untrue. While I would be glad Dave was rid of her, it would still suck.
I made a comment on Dave's LJ once.... Someone ripped into me. Saying all I was doing was starting shit, looking for drama, etc. I'm the bad guy for wanting to stop the foolishness?? Tell me how that makes sense...
So, the party tonight. I said if I was welcomed, I would go. That if he wanted to talk about it first, I'm here.
No response. I guess that's a pretty big no.
People are too quick to judge, too slow to forgive.
No, I'm not posting this to try to get sympathy or have a pity party. "Waah...they're off partying without me..." If I haven't cared in the last year and a half, why would I care now?
I'm 24.....almost 25 now.... I'm too old to be doing this stupid high school drama cliq bullshit. Everything I said/did, I did out of hatred of her. But people took it personally, when it wasn't even directed at them.
I fucked up. Yes, I'm admitting that. Now I seek reacceptance before it's too late. I don't want to leave Chicago on bitter terms.... (more on that in the other journal later)
I know things will never be like what they were.... Too much has happened.
But what do I have to do to kill whatever there is between us.
Is that too much to ask?
Ball's in your court. I can't think of anything else here....
I expect nothing to be done about this, but I'm still gonna speak my mind. Take it for what it's worth...
I said, if Dave and bitch are gonna be together, then I'm gonna be gone. And I was gone. I don't expect anyone to understand why or how much I hate her. There's a lot of the story that's not being told, that's only getting one sided, that's none of your business. Obviously, I have my reasons why I would sever every friendship I have in this town to avoid her.
So she's out of that picture now. She's still around, yes, but so long as she's 400 miles away, things are fine. And I'm sorry if there's anyone out there that likes her, but to me, she is the lowest form of scum out there.
But the point of this entry isn't to talk about her. (and before anyone asks, the reason she's mentioned so much is because for some reason, i've connected any feelings of anger to her... any time i feel angry, doesn't matter what caused it, i think of her, and how much i hate her. call it a non-violent form of self-aggresion if you want)
No, the point of this is to ask.... What does it take to get forgiveness?
I've tried, on a couple occasions, to bury the hatchet. I mean fuck.....how do you think it feels to be living in a town where you feel like you're not wanted by people that until this little bitch came in to the picture you were good friends with?
So once I heard that it was over, the question became... When would things smooth over? Obviously, not right off the bat. I mean, the general line of thought would be "oh, don't tell kris cause he's just gonna be all "i told you so"." Which is completely untrue. While I would be glad Dave was rid of her, it would still suck.
I made a comment on Dave's LJ once.... Someone ripped into me. Saying all I was doing was starting shit, looking for drama, etc. I'm the bad guy for wanting to stop the foolishness?? Tell me how that makes sense...
So, the party tonight. I said if I was welcomed, I would go. That if he wanted to talk about it first, I'm here.
No response. I guess that's a pretty big no.
People are too quick to judge, too slow to forgive.
No, I'm not posting this to try to get sympathy or have a pity party. "Waah...they're off partying without me..." If I haven't cared in the last year and a half, why would I care now?
I'm 24.....almost 25 now.... I'm too old to be doing this stupid high school drama cliq bullshit. Everything I said/did, I did out of hatred of her. But people took it personally, when it wasn't even directed at them.
I fucked up. Yes, I'm admitting that. Now I seek reacceptance before it's too late. I don't want to leave Chicago on bitter terms.... (more on that in the other journal later)
I know things will never be like what they were.... Too much has happened.
But what do I have to do to kill whatever there is between us.
Is that too much to ask?
Ball's in your court. I can't think of anything else here....