2020
So, 2020 in a nutshell sucks, it's like something out of a space novel/ drama. 2020 has started with Covid, so first we all had to start wearing masks, and then we were qurantine, and then we were told to wear masks again, 6 ft distance, and our numbers keep climbing. I have never washed my hands so much, used so much hand sanitizer or worried aobut so much until covid, and i am a clean person. Of course covid has affected so much, businesses, people, lives, etc, and it doesnt look like it is going anywhere soon.
Then, on top of all this, my mom ended up in the hospital which normally not a big deal BUT now she's been diagnosed with dementia which i suspected before my dad died, yet still it takes it's toll on your heart. I wouldnt want anyone to leave this earth not remembering who they are, or who their family is. I am her only family at the moment. Due to Covid, no one can visit, and honestly, i dont know if they could visit, who would. My brother has written us off the page, so the future will be interesting. She's closer to the severe stage, so truly dont know what to exlpect
and if all that wasnt enough, my poor sweet kara is sick. She has 2 different types of cancer. Bone cancer is one, the other is a mammular cancer. The b one cancer is bad, it has rotted away part of her leg, and she has it in her mouth as well. The bone cancer attacked her immune system, and she cant heal. She cant walk, i dont know if it's part of the bone cancer or hip issues, but right now she's been in the house the last 2 days, She cant get up to go to the bathroom, and to be honest i think she jst incontinent. She just go where she is, poor baby. She still eats and drinks, and lights up when you see her, but you can see in her poor eyes, she's tired. so today, at 12:30 , me and my girls will venture off to to do one of the hardest things ever, we will watch her as she takes her last breath. I am dreading this, i know it's the right thing, the humane thing, but a little part of me is scared to think that maybe i should have tried harder. She is beyond repair, so the logic part of me gets it, but my heart hurts so much. i cant beleive i wont see her goofy smile, or hear her bark that rattles the walls, or hear the clickety clack of her nails as she pounces up to the patio door. She has lived a good 12 years, and gotten lots of love, and given us so much. I will miss her tremendously, and trying hard to stay strong for my girls. We as a family unit will be with her, and will grieve our cute little puppy.
So 2020, you suck...you have given more than a person should bear, and i dont like you, i hate you for being cruel, for all that you have dealt this year, and im sure your not done....
Kara, my love, mommy loves you, will always love you! You and your mommy have a deep impression on my heart, my tears will always shed for the pair that gave me so much love..