(no subject)
so yeah...
i'm a lil pissed. ok alot pissed. so i talked to my mom more about getting tested to donate a kidney for grumpy. (that would be my grandfather) and my mom thinks that i shouldn't. she said that she talked to my brothers about it and they all think i shouldn't cause there's still the risk that i have lupus and if in the case that i do, its possible that it could attack my kidneys in the future and that they don't think i should take the risk. so....i dunno what to do. i mean, i really think that i should go get a second opinion. all the tests came back negative but its on the top 10 list of hardest diseases to diagnose. so now here i am all scared again that i might have lupus. and i really really wanted to do this for grumpy, so i'm very dissappointed.
i'm just so afraid. i don't know what to do. i think i'm more afraid of getting a second opinion and finding out that i do have it. i think thats why i've been putting it off. i've hidden it in the back of my mind, the fact that i should get re-tested i mean, but i am procrastinating really bad. i don't know if its better to find out i do have it and start treatment now or if its better to not find out at all and delay it for as long as i can.
so now here i am researching it all over again. and i look at some of the symptoms and shit and it fuckin pisses me off. cause now i'm looking at them and gettin fuckin more scared because i do have some of the symptoms and now i'm gonna be thinking about it for next few days until something takes my mind off of it. fuck the doctors and fuck lupus.
i'm spent.
i'm a lil pissed. ok alot pissed. so i talked to my mom more about getting tested to donate a kidney for grumpy. (that would be my grandfather) and my mom thinks that i shouldn't. she said that she talked to my brothers about it and they all think i shouldn't cause there's still the risk that i have lupus and if in the case that i do, its possible that it could attack my kidneys in the future and that they don't think i should take the risk. so....i dunno what to do. i mean, i really think that i should go get a second opinion. all the tests came back negative but its on the top 10 list of hardest diseases to diagnose. so now here i am all scared again that i might have lupus. and i really really wanted to do this for grumpy, so i'm very dissappointed.
i'm just so afraid. i don't know what to do. i think i'm more afraid of getting a second opinion and finding out that i do have it. i think thats why i've been putting it off. i've hidden it in the back of my mind, the fact that i should get re-tested i mean, but i am procrastinating really bad. i don't know if its better to find out i do have it and start treatment now or if its better to not find out at all and delay it for as long as i can.
so now here i am researching it all over again. and i look at some of the symptoms and shit and it fuckin pisses me off. cause now i'm looking at them and gettin fuckin more scared because i do have some of the symptoms and now i'm gonna be thinking about it for next few days until something takes my mind off of it. fuck the doctors and fuck lupus.
i'm spent.