[FOR ANGELYE] Start Over
Title: Start Over
For: angelye
Rating: NC-17
Length: 4k
Warnings: Sex
Author's notes: I'm extremely sorry to my recipient for ruining her prompt T__T
Summary: Now that the wedding is nearing, Yifan doesn't think he is ready yet.
30
“I don’t feel like you want this anymore.”
Yifan folded down the newspaper and peered at his fiancé. Song Qian. After dating for two years, Yifan finally proposed her not so long ago. And now they are only a month away from the wedding.
“You are being ridiculous, Qian,” He said dismissively as he reaches for his coffee mug and looks at her with an almost flat expression. “We are already living together.”
“I am not being ridiculous. You..you don’t even seem excited about the wedding, Yifan.” She said softly as she set down her teacup on the table. “It’s only a month away and all you can think about is your business. Don’t deny it.”
Yifan sighed. As much as he would like to deny, he knew there was some truth in it. As the wedding day was approaching closer, it was getting difficult for him to accept the idea of being in such a real commitment. Yifan was all for being in a family, having kids. But suddenly it seemed too soon. Moreover, he couldn’t help but felt bothered at the myriad of differences they have. Sure he still loved her. He was just not sure if this was what he wanted at the moment- a family.
“Baby, please. Can we not have this conversation now?” he said, slightly exasperated. “You know how crazy it has been with the new project. And I know you will take care of the wedding. That’s why I am not meddling.”
“Right,” she mumbled. Even though she didn’t look convinced, she went quiet anyway.
Yifan didn’t finish his coffee. Instead he got up to go back to their bedroom to get his coat. When he came back he saw Qian at the table, still drinking her tea. Even though she didn’t bother looking at him, he knows she is expecting some kind of affection to emanate from him- probably a hug or a kiss. He contemplated for a moment before finally going toward her and patting her head. As Qian looked up to him, he mustered a gentle smile.
“I will come home after my meeting finishes, then we can go wherever you want to. Okay?” He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, summoning all the affection he could.
“Okay.”
29
“C’mon Yifan. I understand you are going to be a family man soon but that doesn’t mean you need to stop having fun.” Zitao, Yifan’s childhood friend and business partner, grabbed the nearly empty glass Yifan was holding and put it down on the bar top.
“Tao, I am seriously not in the mood to dance.” His eyes were focused on the person who just entered the dance floor. Tao glanced at the direction and snickered at first.
“Seriously, you are checking out a boy?” Zitao asked, smirking as he set his eyes on the said person, which was a mistake. He didn’t mean ogling. But for a whole he felt hypnotized by the beauty of the boy on the stage. He was just so drop dead gorgeous? The boy was looking at the audience with wariness through the bangs which fell perfectly across his forehead. Even though the boy looked timid and and his face was full of uncertainty and he looked a little too young to be here, there was a certain enticement that Zitao was suddenly feeling extremely aroused.
“He is very pretty,” Yifan mumbled unconsciously, breaking the spell Zitao was in. He widens his eyes as soon as he realized what he said and turned to look at Zitao. “Wait, I wasn’t checking out him. He is just too pretty for a guy,” he explains quickly, his cheeks turning the deepest shade of red.
“Chill. I am not judging.” Zitao said laughing. “My brother is gay, remember?”
Yifan just pursed his lips into a thin smile. “Right.”
“Probably, you should go and ask him to give you a special lap dance,” Zitao suddenly suggested, making him almost choked on his drink.
“What are you saying?”
“Just for fun. You are getting married soon. I doubt you will be even able to even hang out with your friends aka me,” Zitao rolled his eyes as he gulped down his drinks. “Its Qian you are getting married to.”
“That’s ridiculous. I can’t just go ask a guy to give me lap dance. I am straight,” says Yifan dismissively, trying to ignore the bubbled thought of being a controlled by Qian for the rest of his life.
“C’mon Yifan. There is nothing wrong with trying something new. He is a stripper here. So If anything even happens, it's going to be completely professional.”
“What do you mean by if anything happens?” Yifan narrowed his eyes.
Zitao shrugged. “When was the last time you had sex with Qian?”, he asked instead, blatantly
Yifan didn’t answer. He could understand what Zitao was trying to tell. He couldn’t remember the last time he had sex with Qian. Or the last time they had a proper talk not related to the wedding. Most importantly he couldn’t remember the last time he went out with Chanyeol and Zitao and had guys time. He sighed and subconsciously glanced over at the boy again who still looked slightly confused about what to do and was staring at the audience with his big doe eyes, lips shimmered in tinted balm were pursed in a slight pout. Yifan suddenly had to urge to kiss those lips. As soon as he realized what he thought about, he gaped his mouth open. He didn’t really remember having any sort attraction toward guys. He shook his head unconsciously, deciding it was just the effect of the alcohol.
Yeah!! Just the effect of the alcohol.
29
“Don’t tell me its your first time?” Kris scoffed, realizing the boy was a virgin. “What made you to agree to come here with me? Weren’t you scared?” Yifan felt a bit buzzed as he slowly extracted the little too clothes off the trembling boy. The boy was now laying flatly on his back on the bed in a luxurious hotel room Yifan brought him to. Yifan didn’t exactly remember how everything happened but Zitao somehow convinced him that getting a personal lap dance was what Yifan needed. But things got heated and all Yifan wanted to do was fuck him hard.
“Money!” The boy mumbled, matter of factly.
“I am sure people offered you more than what I did? What really had you convinced?” Yifan asked, his voice came much smoother than he wanted to sound. The boy was too dainty. And Yifan couldn’t help feel a little guilty for taking advantage of him. Well he wasn’t really taking advantage. He was paying him for the sex.
“Money! nothing more than that,” the boy retorted, making Yifan’s eyes snap on to his face. “Sorry! i didn’t mean to snap at you,” the boy quickly said, his face wide and anxious.
Yifan just shrugged, resigning. Who cared why the boy agreed really? He just needed to fuck the boy and release his sexual frustration, just like Zitao actually wanted him to.
Yifan smirked as he saw how the boy tried hard to ignore the feeling of his fingertips brushing the bare skin of his thigh, fumbling around, but it was useless. And Yifan felt extremely pleased at what his touch was doing to the boy. He dove at the boy and captured his pink lips, letting his hand trail down smaller chest and then to the tummy. He flattened his hand against it and rubbed it back and forth, then slowly travelled down to caress the boy’s cock, at which the boy shivered as small sounds from the back of his throat emitted.
Yifan would be lying if he denied how much he loved the sounds emitting from the boy.
It was better than Yifan ever had. He was amazed at everything about the boy- his tiny body, his small face, his lips, his timidness and how inexperienced the boy was actually. Yifan lost himself as he pounded inside the boy, rough and hard. After he spilled inside the boy, completely out of breath, Kris stopped moving and stayed inside of the smaller. Looking down he noticed that the other was biting his lower lip with teeth so hard that a white indent appeared around it. And Yifan found the boy’s attempt to not make any sound rather enticing as the tears which rolled down the boy’s eyes went unnoticed.
28
Yifan groaned inwardly as opened his eyes. His head felt heavy and fuzzy. The room kinda wobbled around him. Something was definitely off.
“Qian?” he called, blinking his sleepy eyes and draping his arm around the warm body which was pressed against his own. But his eyes met his partner’s face, the drowsiness disappeared. Yifan gasped as he pulled himself away. Its the boy from the last night. The boy who was nothing but a slut and had sex with him for money. Shit! Qian was going to kill him if she knew.
“Oh god! no! this can’t be happening,” Yifan cried as he got down from the bed, causing the smaller to wake up.
Yifan didn’t bother looking at the boy as he collected his clothes which were scattered on the floor.
“You and I never happened. Understood?” He growled, without even glancing over at the boy as he put on his clothes.
“I understand,” Yifan heard the boy mumbling in his frail voice.
“We never happened. You never saw me.” He added.
“I understand,” the boy repeated.
Yifan didn’t know why his chest clenched at how sad the boy sounded. He looked at the boy a quick second. The boy was sitting on the bed on his knees and looking at his folded hands. Looking away Yifan quickly put on his coat. “Its not like i am the only person you are going to sleep with. You are a whore who sleeps around for money.” Yifan wished he could stop himself before he could utter those disgusting words. But honestly he couldn’t care less. He was much more disturbed about the fact that he slept with a boy. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was straight and he was getting married soon.
Before he rushed out of the room, he took some bills out of his wallet and threw it on the bed. He didn’t bother looking back the boy for once before leaving.
21
Yifan couldn’t stop thinking about the boy. Its been a week since then. The boy wouldn’t leave his mind at all. He had been afraid Qian would come to know. But Zitao swore to keep his mouth closed. To erase that night from his mind, Yifan had been busying himself on the wedding planning. He had been even bothering to accompany Qian on bunch of shopping trips. Needless to say, Qian was very happy.
It was one of those days. He was almost nodding at everything Qian was asking his approval for.
“Which color do you like?”
“Both will look great on you, babe,” said Yifan, yet unable to prevent the moony look crossing his face.
“The least you can do is pretend you want to be here,” Qian said, faltering slightly. “I didn’t force you to come with me. What is going on with you lately?” She shot him a hard, unblinking look. “Do you not want to marry me anymore?”
Yifan sucked in a breath. “Of course i do,” He said quickly. He felt sorry. He truly did. “Its just.....”
I slept with a boy. And i can’t stop thinking about him.
He looked at Qian’s eyes who was fixed on him with a hard stare. “I... just have so many things going on at work. But i don’t want to disappoint you, baby. I am sorry for making you feel like that,” Yifan hurried to say to ease the worry lines on Qian’s face. Pulling her closer, he cupped her face and kissed her lightly.
She seemed to relaxed at that as she cracked a small smile and the frown disappeared from her forehead.
18
It didn’t help. Nothing helped. Yifan was going crazy. He couldn’t just stop thinking about the boy. He didn’t fathom why. May be it was because I said those horrible things to the boy and i can’t stop feeling guilty.
“You look terrible.” Yifan rolled his eyes as he heard the familiar voice. Looking up he saw Zitao standing by the door of his office.
“You finally have the decency to come meet me after putting me in such a situation?” Yifan complained.
“Oh What happened, My friend?” Zitao asked innocently as he walked in inside and sat comfortably on the couch.
Yifan narrowed his eyes at his friend.
The other man just laughed. “C’mon why are you still thinking about that incident? I told you Qian won’t know,” he said, smiling reassuringly.
“It’s not about her, Tao. I can’t stop thinking about the boy,” He groaned frustratingly.
Zitao’s eyes searched his face, and Yifan knew he was trying to decide if Yifan was kidding. And a second later when he realized he wasn’t kidding, Zitao widened his eyes. “Don’t tell me you fell for that boy?”
Yifan exhaled sharply. “Stop joking around. I am not in love with that boy. I can’t remember his face even,” he said tightly. Lie.
Zitao tsked. “Who can ever forget that beauty? Anyway i went back to the club few times after that day but didn’t see the boy anymore.”
Yifan furrowed his brow as he sat up straight.
Zitao continued. “Asked the bartender. He told me the boy quit the next day and also that day was his first day.”
He stared at Zitao, suddenly his head all swimmy and dizzy.
“You need to help me to find him, Zitao.”
16
“Who are you?”
Yifan stared at the pale, lanky teenage boy almost as tall as him. “Who are you?” the boy repeated.
Yifan coughed and cleared his throat. “Does Lu Han live here?”
“How do you know him?” the boy asked, looking somewhat wary.
“I am his..friend....” Yifan got cut off.
“I know all of gege’s friend.” The teenager rolled his eyes.
Yifan laughed weakly as he swallowed hard. “I have met him only recently.”
Even if the boy looked suspicious of him, Yifan managed to have the teenager agreed to let him come inside their little apartment. Lu Han was at work. Yifan learned his name was Shixun and he was Lu Han’s younger brother. What amused him was that Lu Han was twenty-one years old/ And all along he had been thinking luhan was merely legal to be able to dance at that club. Shixun also spilled that Lu Han worked in a supermarket and was working hard to send him to a good university. Yifan felt a tightness in his chest as he remembered the things he said to Lu Han. He was such a jerk to him.
i am stupid.
So fucking stupid.
“How did you become friends with him, ge?” Yifan’s breathed hitched as he looked up at the boy. He was staring at him looking curious as ever. “You look like a very expensive person. Gege only works in a supermarket. He never had any rich friend before.”
Even though Yifan wanted to laugh at being called a very expensive person, he was suddenly lost for a second. He didn’t really know what to say. “I..i met him......” he had barely formulated an answer in his head when the door was suddenly creaked open and a breathless Lu Han entered the tiny apartment. “Shixun, Why is the......” Lu Han stopped talking as his eyes fell on Yifan. Yifan didn’t failed to notice how Lu han suddenly looked terrified.
“You? What are you doing here?” the latter asked in a trembling voice as he quickly glanced over his baby brother. It was then Yifan realized Shixun didn’t know about Lu Han’s working in bar.
“Gege, you are home! Look who came to visit you,” Shixun said excitedly, oblivious of the tension between the two elders.
16
“I can’t believe you blackmailed me into this,” Lu Han murmured quietly as Yifan lead him into the restaurant. And Shixun. Yifan just grinned sheepishly as they walked to a table for three.
“Make yourself comfortable. Don’t feel shy,” Yifan told Shixun as the latter was looking around hesitantly.
“I have never come to such an expensive restaurant before,” Shixun mumbled as he took his seat.
“Well, now you did,” Yifan smiled affectionately at the younger, then looked at Lu Han who just frowned.
16
“Thanks Gege. I am glad you are friends with my gege.”
“Me too, Shixun. Me too.”
Yifan couldn’t keep the manic grin from him as Lu Han continued to stab his food with his fork. Angrily.
Shixun frowned. “Gege, don’t eat like that. People will call you weird,” He whispered as he nudged Lu Han’s leg with his.
“Shup up!”
14
“Can.you.stop.harassing.me?” Lu Han hissed, pouting and glaring at him simultaneously. “What do you want from me? It’s already midnight. Go home!”
Yifan laughed in amusement. He didn’t think Lu Han would turn out to be so cheeky. Lu Han! Lu Han! Lu Han! Lu Han was amazing. He was quirky and small. He made Yifan feel....alive. Last two days probably the most care free days he had ever spent. with Lu Han and Shixun. Shixun was a little shit and Yifan felt he already loved the teenager. Like a little brother, of course.
Lu Han loved his brother to death, Yifan knew already. Its amazing how Lu Han was so fucking nice and kind with everyone (except him). Yifan didn’t care. After what he did, he deserved a kick in his nut. Fortunately, Lu Han was too nice to do that. Even though Lu Han got angry seeing him for the third time showing up in his apartment, the poor boy couldn’t say anything in front of Shixun. Now that the teen went to bed, Luhan wouldn’t stop hissing at him and stop telling him to leave.
“I will. Once we’re done talking,” Yifan said as he lazed against couch and yawned.
“There is nothing to talk. As you told me, i forgot what happened,” Lu Han reminded him.
“I am sorry,” Yifan said quietly He really was. “I was a jerk to you. I...freaked out. But i swear i didn’t mean any of those things.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” The smaller boy croaked. Yifan looked him over with a skeptical frown, as he heard the voice cracking. Looking at those sad eyes did things to his heart, that he never felt before.There was so much more than sadness in those doe eyes, it made him feel horrible.
“I really am sorry, okay?” Yifan whispered. Not getting any sort of response, he looked up at the smaller who was just standing against the door, staring at nowhere.He looked very lonely. Yifan ignored the tugging feeling behind his chest.
“Why did you never ask me why i came?” Yifan asked instead.
Lu Han shrugged. “I knew why.”
“You knew?”
“You pitied me. You probably learned i quit the club,” he said, voice as soft as ever.
Yifan blinked his eyes. No i didn’t. No! No! I didn’t pity you.
Did he really not?
7
Lu Han came around eventually. He still acted all annoyed when Yifan came over. But that was all. Yifan loved spending time with him. Plus Shixun came free with him. The kid was a little weird but funny. It was because of him Yifan could spend time with the doe eyed.
Like other days Yifan was just sitting on the floor of the brothers’ living room and was accompanying Shixun playing the new version of COD Yifan bought for him while Lu Han prepared food.
“Ge, don’t you have work to go?” Shixun asked, his eyes glued to the tiny tv set.
“Nope. I am the boss there,” Yifan gave him a sidelong glance, wondering why the teenager was suddenly asking him about his work.
Shixun just hummed his acknowledgement as he focused back on his game.
There was a long pause until the teenager asked him another question.
“Are you in love with my gege?”
“I...”
“I think my gege likes you. Please, don’t lead him on if you don’t love him.”
Shixun was just seventeen, yet his words sent shivers through his spine.
3
“You gotta be fucking kidding me, Yifan. You are getting married in three fucking days!” Zitao yelled as Yifan continued doodling on a paper.
“Are you not going to answer me?”
Yifan sighed. What should he say? He didn’t know. He didn’t fucking know what was going on. This was crazy. He was going crazy. Since that day Shixun told him Lu Han liked him, he didn’t visit them. And it was driving him crazy. He missed Lu Han. He missed him too fucking much. And he didn’t know why.
“First you missed work for more than a week. Then you come back but you don’t do shit. All you do is fucking mope around and doodle on your files. Like What the fuck is going on?” Zitao was frustrated. He was angry. He didn’t know what had gotten to his friend and how could he help him. Because he needed to stop shitting or else Qian wouldn’t stop coming over to his house and threaten him for ruining her life.
“If you can’t do anything else, at least tell you wife to be stop bothering me,” Zitao sighed. It was pointless yelling at the other, wasn’t it?
Yifan was just a lost case now.
2
“You can’t do this, Yifan. You can’t do this to me,” Qian cried as she hit Yifan’s chest.
“I am sorry.”
“You have to marry me! goddamnit!!”
“I really am sorry. I..just don’t love you anymore..i can’t do this.”
“Are you in love with someone else?”
Yifan took a deep breath as he clenched his fist. He was not going to hide it. No. He just hoped it was not too late. And Lu han would forgive him.
“Yes!”
The slap came too fast. For a second Yifan saw blind in his eyes. But he deserved it.
2
“Yifan Ge?”
“Shixun?” Yifan’s eyes widened at the familiar voice. Why was Shixun calling him?
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Please find me gege,” Yifan felt his heart dropping as voice from the other side broke.
“I told him things. I am so stupid, Ge. I hurt him.” The teen cried.
“Shixun...where did he go?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything. He never came back last night. He didn’t even call me to tell me he was going to be late,” the boy sobbed. “I should have never said those horrible things to him.”
Yifan felt his stomach burning as he lost his breath. “What did you say? What did you say, Shixun?” He asked.
“My friend...my friend told me about seeing Gege in a hotel with a guy..doing things...few weeks ago. I couldn’t take it well and i....” The teen couldn’t continue as he started sobbing again.
“We will find him. We will find him Shixun. Stop crying.”
0
“He is severely malnourished and dehydrated. Other than that he will be okay. His fever also went down. We will let him go home by tonight.”
Yifan nodded as the doctor spoke.
“Take care of him.”
Lu Han was found unconscious in the garage of the supermarket he worked at. Luhan had been hiding there for two days. Yifan almost had a heart attack when they found him, his face was pale and lips were blue. Shixun couldn’t stop crying after seeing him.
1
“Can’t you forgive me?” Yifan asked, his voice laced with fear of rejection.
“I was never angry though.” Lu Han said softly.
“Then why won’t you go out with me?”
Lu Han’s eyes snapped shut and he took a long breath. “I..I don’t deserve you..I don’t belong in your society.”
“Stop! Don’t fucking say that!” Yifan yelled making Luhan startled.
Yifan cupped the small face with his two hands and directly looked at the those beautiful eyes, “you are most amazing person i have ever met. Its me who doesn't deserve you. But i still need you. Please, give me a chance.”
“Go out with me.”
For: angelye
Rating: NC-17
Length: 4k
Warnings: Sex
Author's notes: I'm extremely sorry to my recipient for ruining her prompt T__T
Summary: Now that the wedding is nearing, Yifan doesn't think he is ready yet.
30
“I don’t feel like you want this anymore.”
Yifan folded down the newspaper and peered at his fiancé. Song Qian. After dating for two years, Yifan finally proposed her not so long ago. And now they are only a month away from the wedding.
“You are being ridiculous, Qian,” He said dismissively as he reaches for his coffee mug and looks at her with an almost flat expression. “We are already living together.”
“I am not being ridiculous. You..you don’t even seem excited about the wedding, Yifan.” She said softly as she set down her teacup on the table. “It’s only a month away and all you can think about is your business. Don’t deny it.”
Yifan sighed. As much as he would like to deny, he knew there was some truth in it. As the wedding day was approaching closer, it was getting difficult for him to accept the idea of being in such a real commitment. Yifan was all for being in a family, having kids. But suddenly it seemed too soon. Moreover, he couldn’t help but felt bothered at the myriad of differences they have. Sure he still loved her. He was just not sure if this was what he wanted at the moment- a family.
“Baby, please. Can we not have this conversation now?” he said, slightly exasperated. “You know how crazy it has been with the new project. And I know you will take care of the wedding. That’s why I am not meddling.”
“Right,” she mumbled. Even though she didn’t look convinced, she went quiet anyway.
Yifan didn’t finish his coffee. Instead he got up to go back to their bedroom to get his coat. When he came back he saw Qian at the table, still drinking her tea. Even though she didn’t bother looking at him, he knows she is expecting some kind of affection to emanate from him- probably a hug or a kiss. He contemplated for a moment before finally going toward her and patting her head. As Qian looked up to him, he mustered a gentle smile.
“I will come home after my meeting finishes, then we can go wherever you want to. Okay?” He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, summoning all the affection he could.
“Okay.”
29
“C’mon Yifan. I understand you are going to be a family man soon but that doesn’t mean you need to stop having fun.” Zitao, Yifan’s childhood friend and business partner, grabbed the nearly empty glass Yifan was holding and put it down on the bar top.
“Tao, I am seriously not in the mood to dance.” His eyes were focused on the person who just entered the dance floor. Tao glanced at the direction and snickered at first.
“Seriously, you are checking out a boy?” Zitao asked, smirking as he set his eyes on the said person, which was a mistake. He didn’t mean ogling. But for a whole he felt hypnotized by the beauty of the boy on the stage. He was just so drop dead gorgeous? The boy was looking at the audience with wariness through the bangs which fell perfectly across his forehead. Even though the boy looked timid and and his face was full of uncertainty and he looked a little too young to be here, there was a certain enticement that Zitao was suddenly feeling extremely aroused.
“He is very pretty,” Yifan mumbled unconsciously, breaking the spell Zitao was in. He widens his eyes as soon as he realized what he said and turned to look at Zitao. “Wait, I wasn’t checking out him. He is just too pretty for a guy,” he explains quickly, his cheeks turning the deepest shade of red.
“Chill. I am not judging.” Zitao said laughing. “My brother is gay, remember?”
Yifan just pursed his lips into a thin smile. “Right.”
“Probably, you should go and ask him to give you a special lap dance,” Zitao suddenly suggested, making him almost choked on his drink.
“What are you saying?”
“Just for fun. You are getting married soon. I doubt you will be even able to even hang out with your friends aka me,” Zitao rolled his eyes as he gulped down his drinks. “Its Qian you are getting married to.”
“That’s ridiculous. I can’t just go ask a guy to give me lap dance. I am straight,” says Yifan dismissively, trying to ignore the bubbled thought of being a controlled by Qian for the rest of his life.
“C’mon Yifan. There is nothing wrong with trying something new. He is a stripper here. So If anything even happens, it's going to be completely professional.”
“What do you mean by if anything happens?” Yifan narrowed his eyes.
Zitao shrugged. “When was the last time you had sex with Qian?”, he asked instead, blatantly
Yifan didn’t answer. He could understand what Zitao was trying to tell. He couldn’t remember the last time he had sex with Qian. Or the last time they had a proper talk not related to the wedding. Most importantly he couldn’t remember the last time he went out with Chanyeol and Zitao and had guys time. He sighed and subconsciously glanced over at the boy again who still looked slightly confused about what to do and was staring at the audience with his big doe eyes, lips shimmered in tinted balm were pursed in a slight pout. Yifan suddenly had to urge to kiss those lips. As soon as he realized what he thought about, he gaped his mouth open. He didn’t really remember having any sort attraction toward guys. He shook his head unconsciously, deciding it was just the effect of the alcohol.
Yeah!! Just the effect of the alcohol.
29
“Don’t tell me its your first time?” Kris scoffed, realizing the boy was a virgin. “What made you to agree to come here with me? Weren’t you scared?” Yifan felt a bit buzzed as he slowly extracted the little too clothes off the trembling boy. The boy was now laying flatly on his back on the bed in a luxurious hotel room Yifan brought him to. Yifan didn’t exactly remember how everything happened but Zitao somehow convinced him that getting a personal lap dance was what Yifan needed. But things got heated and all Yifan wanted to do was fuck him hard.
“Money!” The boy mumbled, matter of factly.
“I am sure people offered you more than what I did? What really had you convinced?” Yifan asked, his voice came much smoother than he wanted to sound. The boy was too dainty. And Yifan couldn’t help feel a little guilty for taking advantage of him. Well he wasn’t really taking advantage. He was paying him for the sex.
“Money! nothing more than that,” the boy retorted, making Yifan’s eyes snap on to his face. “Sorry! i didn’t mean to snap at you,” the boy quickly said, his face wide and anxious.
Yifan just shrugged, resigning. Who cared why the boy agreed really? He just needed to fuck the boy and release his sexual frustration, just like Zitao actually wanted him to.
Yifan smirked as he saw how the boy tried hard to ignore the feeling of his fingertips brushing the bare skin of his thigh, fumbling around, but it was useless. And Yifan felt extremely pleased at what his touch was doing to the boy. He dove at the boy and captured his pink lips, letting his hand trail down smaller chest and then to the tummy. He flattened his hand against it and rubbed it back and forth, then slowly travelled down to caress the boy’s cock, at which the boy shivered as small sounds from the back of his throat emitted.
Yifan would be lying if he denied how much he loved the sounds emitting from the boy.
It was better than Yifan ever had. He was amazed at everything about the boy- his tiny body, his small face, his lips, his timidness and how inexperienced the boy was actually. Yifan lost himself as he pounded inside the boy, rough and hard. After he spilled inside the boy, completely out of breath, Kris stopped moving and stayed inside of the smaller. Looking down he noticed that the other was biting his lower lip with teeth so hard that a white indent appeared around it. And Yifan found the boy’s attempt to not make any sound rather enticing as the tears which rolled down the boy’s eyes went unnoticed.
28
Yifan groaned inwardly as opened his eyes. His head felt heavy and fuzzy. The room kinda wobbled around him. Something was definitely off.
“Qian?” he called, blinking his sleepy eyes and draping his arm around the warm body which was pressed against his own. But his eyes met his partner’s face, the drowsiness disappeared. Yifan gasped as he pulled himself away. Its the boy from the last night. The boy who was nothing but a slut and had sex with him for money. Shit! Qian was going to kill him if she knew.
“Oh god! no! this can’t be happening,” Yifan cried as he got down from the bed, causing the smaller to wake up.
Yifan didn’t bother looking at the boy as he collected his clothes which were scattered on the floor.
“You and I never happened. Understood?” He growled, without even glancing over at the boy as he put on his clothes.
“I understand,” Yifan heard the boy mumbling in his frail voice.
“We never happened. You never saw me.” He added.
“I understand,” the boy repeated.
Yifan didn’t know why his chest clenched at how sad the boy sounded. He looked at the boy a quick second. The boy was sitting on the bed on his knees and looking at his folded hands. Looking away Yifan quickly put on his coat. “Its not like i am the only person you are going to sleep with. You are a whore who sleeps around for money.” Yifan wished he could stop himself before he could utter those disgusting words. But honestly he couldn’t care less. He was much more disturbed about the fact that he slept with a boy. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was straight and he was getting married soon.
Before he rushed out of the room, he took some bills out of his wallet and threw it on the bed. He didn’t bother looking back the boy for once before leaving.
21
Yifan couldn’t stop thinking about the boy. Its been a week since then. The boy wouldn’t leave his mind at all. He had been afraid Qian would come to know. But Zitao swore to keep his mouth closed. To erase that night from his mind, Yifan had been busying himself on the wedding planning. He had been even bothering to accompany Qian on bunch of shopping trips. Needless to say, Qian was very happy.
It was one of those days. He was almost nodding at everything Qian was asking his approval for.
“Which color do you like?”
“Both will look great on you, babe,” said Yifan, yet unable to prevent the moony look crossing his face.
“The least you can do is pretend you want to be here,” Qian said, faltering slightly. “I didn’t force you to come with me. What is going on with you lately?” She shot him a hard, unblinking look. “Do you not want to marry me anymore?”
Yifan sucked in a breath. “Of course i do,” He said quickly. He felt sorry. He truly did. “Its just.....”
I slept with a boy. And i can’t stop thinking about him.
He looked at Qian’s eyes who was fixed on him with a hard stare. “I... just have so many things going on at work. But i don’t want to disappoint you, baby. I am sorry for making you feel like that,” Yifan hurried to say to ease the worry lines on Qian’s face. Pulling her closer, he cupped her face and kissed her lightly.
She seemed to relaxed at that as she cracked a small smile and the frown disappeared from her forehead.
18
It didn’t help. Nothing helped. Yifan was going crazy. He couldn’t just stop thinking about the boy. He didn’t fathom why. May be it was because I said those horrible things to the boy and i can’t stop feeling guilty.
“You look terrible.” Yifan rolled his eyes as he heard the familiar voice. Looking up he saw Zitao standing by the door of his office.
“You finally have the decency to come meet me after putting me in such a situation?” Yifan complained.
“Oh What happened, My friend?” Zitao asked innocently as he walked in inside and sat comfortably on the couch.
Yifan narrowed his eyes at his friend.
The other man just laughed. “C’mon why are you still thinking about that incident? I told you Qian won’t know,” he said, smiling reassuringly.
“It’s not about her, Tao. I can’t stop thinking about the boy,” He groaned frustratingly.
Zitao’s eyes searched his face, and Yifan knew he was trying to decide if Yifan was kidding. And a second later when he realized he wasn’t kidding, Zitao widened his eyes. “Don’t tell me you fell for that boy?”
Yifan exhaled sharply. “Stop joking around. I am not in love with that boy. I can’t remember his face even,” he said tightly. Lie.
Zitao tsked. “Who can ever forget that beauty? Anyway i went back to the club few times after that day but didn’t see the boy anymore.”
Yifan furrowed his brow as he sat up straight.
Zitao continued. “Asked the bartender. He told me the boy quit the next day and also that day was his first day.”
He stared at Zitao, suddenly his head all swimmy and dizzy.
“You need to help me to find him, Zitao.”
16
“Who are you?”
Yifan stared at the pale, lanky teenage boy almost as tall as him. “Who are you?” the boy repeated.
Yifan coughed and cleared his throat. “Does Lu Han live here?”
“How do you know him?” the boy asked, looking somewhat wary.
“I am his..friend....” Yifan got cut off.
“I know all of gege’s friend.” The teenager rolled his eyes.
Yifan laughed weakly as he swallowed hard. “I have met him only recently.”
Even if the boy looked suspicious of him, Yifan managed to have the teenager agreed to let him come inside their little apartment. Lu Han was at work. Yifan learned his name was Shixun and he was Lu Han’s younger brother. What amused him was that Lu Han was twenty-one years old/ And all along he had been thinking luhan was merely legal to be able to dance at that club. Shixun also spilled that Lu Han worked in a supermarket and was working hard to send him to a good university. Yifan felt a tightness in his chest as he remembered the things he said to Lu Han. He was such a jerk to him.
i am stupid.
So fucking stupid.
“How did you become friends with him, ge?” Yifan’s breathed hitched as he looked up at the boy. He was staring at him looking curious as ever. “You look like a very expensive person. Gege only works in a supermarket. He never had any rich friend before.”
Even though Yifan wanted to laugh at being called a very expensive person, he was suddenly lost for a second. He didn’t really know what to say. “I..i met him......” he had barely formulated an answer in his head when the door was suddenly creaked open and a breathless Lu Han entered the tiny apartment. “Shixun, Why is the......” Lu Han stopped talking as his eyes fell on Yifan. Yifan didn’t failed to notice how Lu han suddenly looked terrified.
“You? What are you doing here?” the latter asked in a trembling voice as he quickly glanced over his baby brother. It was then Yifan realized Shixun didn’t know about Lu Han’s working in bar.
“Gege, you are home! Look who came to visit you,” Shixun said excitedly, oblivious of the tension between the two elders.
16
“I can’t believe you blackmailed me into this,” Lu Han murmured quietly as Yifan lead him into the restaurant. And Shixun. Yifan just grinned sheepishly as they walked to a table for three.
“Make yourself comfortable. Don’t feel shy,” Yifan told Shixun as the latter was looking around hesitantly.
“I have never come to such an expensive restaurant before,” Shixun mumbled as he took his seat.
“Well, now you did,” Yifan smiled affectionately at the younger, then looked at Lu Han who just frowned.
16
“Thanks Gege. I am glad you are friends with my gege.”
“Me too, Shixun. Me too.”
Yifan couldn’t keep the manic grin from him as Lu Han continued to stab his food with his fork. Angrily.
Shixun frowned. “Gege, don’t eat like that. People will call you weird,” He whispered as he nudged Lu Han’s leg with his.
“Shup up!”
14
“Can.you.stop.harassing.me?” Lu Han hissed, pouting and glaring at him simultaneously. “What do you want from me? It’s already midnight. Go home!”
Yifan laughed in amusement. He didn’t think Lu Han would turn out to be so cheeky. Lu Han! Lu Han! Lu Han! Lu Han was amazing. He was quirky and small. He made Yifan feel....alive. Last two days probably the most care free days he had ever spent. with Lu Han and Shixun. Shixun was a little shit and Yifan felt he already loved the teenager. Like a little brother, of course.
Lu Han loved his brother to death, Yifan knew already. Its amazing how Lu Han was so fucking nice and kind with everyone (except him). Yifan didn’t care. After what he did, he deserved a kick in his nut. Fortunately, Lu Han was too nice to do that. Even though Lu Han got angry seeing him for the third time showing up in his apartment, the poor boy couldn’t say anything in front of Shixun. Now that the teen went to bed, Luhan wouldn’t stop hissing at him and stop telling him to leave.
“I will. Once we’re done talking,” Yifan said as he lazed against couch and yawned.
“There is nothing to talk. As you told me, i forgot what happened,” Lu Han reminded him.
“I am sorry,” Yifan said quietly He really was. “I was a jerk to you. I...freaked out. But i swear i didn’t mean any of those things.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” The smaller boy croaked. Yifan looked him over with a skeptical frown, as he heard the voice cracking. Looking at those sad eyes did things to his heart, that he never felt before.There was so much more than sadness in those doe eyes, it made him feel horrible.
“I really am sorry, okay?” Yifan whispered. Not getting any sort of response, he looked up at the smaller who was just standing against the door, staring at nowhere.He looked very lonely. Yifan ignored the tugging feeling behind his chest.
“Why did you never ask me why i came?” Yifan asked instead.
Lu Han shrugged. “I knew why.”
“You knew?”
“You pitied me. You probably learned i quit the club,” he said, voice as soft as ever.
Yifan blinked his eyes. No i didn’t. No! No! I didn’t pity you.
Did he really not?
7
Lu Han came around eventually. He still acted all annoyed when Yifan came over. But that was all. Yifan loved spending time with him. Plus Shixun came free with him. The kid was a little weird but funny. It was because of him Yifan could spend time with the doe eyed.
Like other days Yifan was just sitting on the floor of the brothers’ living room and was accompanying Shixun playing the new version of COD Yifan bought for him while Lu Han prepared food.
“Ge, don’t you have work to go?” Shixun asked, his eyes glued to the tiny tv set.
“Nope. I am the boss there,” Yifan gave him a sidelong glance, wondering why the teenager was suddenly asking him about his work.
Shixun just hummed his acknowledgement as he focused back on his game.
There was a long pause until the teenager asked him another question.
“Are you in love with my gege?”
“I...”
“I think my gege likes you. Please, don’t lead him on if you don’t love him.”
Shixun was just seventeen, yet his words sent shivers through his spine.
3
“You gotta be fucking kidding me, Yifan. You are getting married in three fucking days!” Zitao yelled as Yifan continued doodling on a paper.
“Are you not going to answer me?”
Yifan sighed. What should he say? He didn’t know. He didn’t fucking know what was going on. This was crazy. He was going crazy. Since that day Shixun told him Lu Han liked him, he didn’t visit them. And it was driving him crazy. He missed Lu Han. He missed him too fucking much. And he didn’t know why.
“First you missed work for more than a week. Then you come back but you don’t do shit. All you do is fucking mope around and doodle on your files. Like What the fuck is going on?” Zitao was frustrated. He was angry. He didn’t know what had gotten to his friend and how could he help him. Because he needed to stop shitting or else Qian wouldn’t stop coming over to his house and threaten him for ruining her life.
“If you can’t do anything else, at least tell you wife to be stop bothering me,” Zitao sighed. It was pointless yelling at the other, wasn’t it?
Yifan was just a lost case now.
2
“You can’t do this, Yifan. You can’t do this to me,” Qian cried as she hit Yifan’s chest.
“I am sorry.”
“You have to marry me! goddamnit!!”
“I really am sorry. I..just don’t love you anymore..i can’t do this.”
“Are you in love with someone else?”
Yifan took a deep breath as he clenched his fist. He was not going to hide it. No. He just hoped it was not too late. And Lu han would forgive him.
“Yes!”
The slap came too fast. For a second Yifan saw blind in his eyes. But he deserved it.
2
“Yifan Ge?”
“Shixun?” Yifan’s eyes widened at the familiar voice. Why was Shixun calling him?
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Please find me gege,” Yifan felt his heart dropping as voice from the other side broke.
“I told him things. I am so stupid, Ge. I hurt him.” The teen cried.
“Shixun...where did he go?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything. He never came back last night. He didn’t even call me to tell me he was going to be late,” the boy sobbed. “I should have never said those horrible things to him.”
Yifan felt his stomach burning as he lost his breath. “What did you say? What did you say, Shixun?” He asked.
“My friend...my friend told me about seeing Gege in a hotel with a guy..doing things...few weeks ago. I couldn’t take it well and i....” The teen couldn’t continue as he started sobbing again.
“We will find him. We will find him Shixun. Stop crying.”
0
“He is severely malnourished and dehydrated. Other than that he will be okay. His fever also went down. We will let him go home by tonight.”
Yifan nodded as the doctor spoke.
“Take care of him.”
Lu Han was found unconscious in the garage of the supermarket he worked at. Luhan had been hiding there for two days. Yifan almost had a heart attack when they found him, his face was pale and lips were blue. Shixun couldn’t stop crying after seeing him.
1
“Can’t you forgive me?” Yifan asked, his voice laced with fear of rejection.
“I was never angry though.” Lu Han said softly.
“Then why won’t you go out with me?”
Lu Han’s eyes snapped shut and he took a long breath. “I..I don’t deserve you..I don’t belong in your society.”
“Stop! Don’t fucking say that!” Yifan yelled making Luhan startled.
Yifan cupped the small face with his two hands and directly looked at the those beautiful eyes, “you are most amazing person i have ever met. Its me who doesn't deserve you. But i still need you. Please, give me a chance.”
“Go out with me.”