[FOR GERALDINEDRAGON] how it's like to fall [2/5]
Part I
Yifan fidgeted a little as he stood outside the entrance to the private ward, rocking on his heels in hesitation, hands gripped around the bouquet in his arms.
Even without Song Qian's insistence, Yifan had planned on visiting the injured Lu Han at the hospital, as a show of gratitude for saving his wife, as well as an apology for not being able to prevent her from being hurt in the process. But while on his way to the hospital, Yifan had thought that it wasn't nice to show up empty-handed, that it didn't seem sincere enough, so he'd stopped by a florist and bought a small bouquet of flowers as a gift.
Right now, though, it didn't seem like a good idea. He didn't usually gift flowers to even Song Qian, so Yifan was very puzzled as to why he'd gone and bought some for Lu Han instead, when they couldn't even be considered as friends. They were acquaintances at best, and Yifan really had no idea if this was an appropriate social cue. Several more seconds of intense internal debate ensued, before Yifan sighed in resignation, his right hand poised to knock on the door. He figured that since he was already here, he might as well just stick through with his impulsive purchase.
Lu Han was seated on the bed when Yifan entered, her eyes fixed on the scenery outside the open window. Yifan winced a little at the sight of the bandage around her neck where she had sustained a small wound, and her left arm was strapped close to her body with an arm sling. The bandage on her shoulder didn't seem to be soaked, so at least that was a good sign.
When Yifan approached her, he could see the longing and the sadness in her eyes, which he really didn't understand. Yunho seemed like a good man and a good husband to her, so why did Lu Han appear as though she had a lot of regrets in life?
It wasn't his position to pry, though, so Yifan didn't. Instead, he mustered the brightest smile he could manage and cleared his throat. "Good morning, Miss Lu. I hope you're well?"
Lu Han jumped a little at the sudden noise in her otherwise quiet room, the monotony of soldiers marching below shattered by new words. Evidently she hadn't heard him knock earlier, and her cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink. "Oh, good morning to you too, Colonel Wu! I'm sorry that you should see me in such a dishevelled state. I was not expecting anyone to visit." She said, and made to stand.
Yifan closed the last of the distance separating them in two large steps, and stopped her from getting up from her bed with a gentle hand on her uninjured shoulder. "There is no need for formalities, Miss Lu." He reassured her, flashing another smile. "You are hurt; I would loathe to make you feel uncomfortable."
"O-oh." Lu Han flushed again, and Yifan thought that he might really get drunk from the mesmerising colour of her cheeks. "In that case, thank you."
They spent the next couple of moments in awkward silence, and Yifan remained standing for a long while more before he finally remembered about the bouquet of flowers he had bought. He cleared his throat once again, and handed the flowers to Lu Han. "I uhm- these are for you. I'm sorry I couldn't bring anything else."
"Oh, it is really kind of you." Lu Han exclaimed as she gathered them into her arms, sniffing the petals lightly before beaming up at him. "Asters? Do you know what they symbolise?"
Yifan rightfully blinked. "No, I'm afraid I don't. I merely picked them because I thought they were beautiful." He replied truthfully, but Lu Han's responding smile only grew wider, much to Yifan's confusion.
"Just as well," she quipped mysteriously, but said no more. "Why don't you have a seat, Colonel?"
Yifan found himself obliging, even though he had intended for his visit to be short. There was just something about Lu Han's request that he could not reject. "I hope your injuries aren't severe. I'm sorry for getting you hurt."
Lu Han gently touched the bandaged area and shook her head. The smile on her face was really making him breathless. "It is fine, Colonel. The doctors applied some sutures for it, and I am expected to go home by tomorrow, if all goes well." There was a short pause, before Lu Han spoke up again. "How is your wife?"
"In shock, but she will be fine with time. She isn't exactly someone who deals with such situations well." His words were wry, he was sure, but he really couldn't stop himself. Lu Han evidently echoed his thoughts, because her smile turned slightly wry, too.
"I can see that. I don't think any female would be used to such situations."
At this, Yifan raised an eyebrow at her. "You're different. You didn't seem afraid, even when you had a knife pressed against your throat." He said thoughtfully. Lu Han averted her gaze.
"It doesn't matter to me - being alive or dead, I mean." Her voice was quiet, none of the bashfulness from earlier could be heard, and Yifan's heart stuttered a little in his chest. During these trying times when war was raging and the people were suffering from both the direct and indirect consequences of it, everyone fought hard to live - including Yifan. It was basic instinct to want to survive, but here Lu Han was, telling him that she didn't care even if she died.
Before Yifan could delve further into the matter, though, another knock came from the direction of the door, and Yifan frowned at the sight of his subordinate standing in attention at the entrance, evidently expecting to speak to him. He excused himself politely to hear what his subordinate had to say, but his frown grew deeper instead.
He immediately took off after his subordinate for the operations office, but not after offering a quick apology to Lu Han for having to cut their meeting short.
Unbeknownst to Yifan, Lu Han picked up the forgotten bouquet of flowers once again when he'd left, smiling into its petals while humming a soft song to herself.
--
Private Jong was on the floor writhing in pain when Yifan walked into the interrogation room, his amputated lower limb making it impossible for him to make a run for it, and the handcuffs hooking his hands behind his back was making things worse, rendering him unable to parry any blows being dealt to him. Yifan could feel a headache coming on when he saw how Yunho was aiming kick after vicious kick at the man, showing absolutely no mercy.
While Yifan could empathise with his anger - Lu Han, his wife, did get injured because of Private Jong, and it was only by sheer luck that she wasn't killed - he also thought that Yunho was about to commit manslaughter if everyone else merely stood back and allowed Yunho to do whatever he pleased. Yifan rather took pity on the battered man, seeing streaks of his blood splattered across the floor from the various cuts and bruises littering his body, and he calmly stepped forward and grabbed hold of Yunho's raised arm when his second-in-command was about to embark on a fresh rain of fists after hurling a barrage of insults at Private Jong.
Yifan could feel the way Yunho's muscles tensed beneath his hold, as if wanting to pull away from Yifan, but they immediately went lax when Yunho finally turned around and realised that Yifan was here. He wanted to sigh when Yunho saluted him, not lost on the fact that Yunho was older than him in terms of age. Yifan knew it was military practice, but he still wasn't used to this.
"Enough," Yifan said, as firmly as he could. "You're going to end up killing him."
The look of pure disgust Yunho threw at Private Jong alarmed Yifan, but he said nothing. "He might as well be, for hurting my wife." Yunho spat, then remembered his place and hung his head again.
This time, Yifan couldn't hide his exasperation, so instead he turned to another guard and nodded once. Thankfully the guard was alert enough to understand what Yifan had meant, and together with his colleague, they quickly scooped Private Jong off the floor and hauled him towards the infirmary to get his wounds checked.
Once they were left alone, Yifan sighed again. "I know you're pissed, but it really isn't advisable to kill another of our men with our own hands." He told Yunho. "Cases like these are best left to the court-martial. Proper punishment will be dealt accordingly, even if it might not give you the personal satisfaction you would have otherwise had. You shouldn't jeopardise your own chances at getting promoted."
At this, Yunho snapped up to look at him, the surprise poorly disguised. "You... think I'm suited for a promotion?"
Yifan's expression was carefully blank as he replied, "You are my second-in-command, and if I ever become Lieutenant General, the position of Colonel will be left open, so-" He shrugged noncommittally. "-who knows, you might have a shot. Just don't ruin your own records."
Yifan could see that Yunho could no longer hide the glee on his face, grinning from ear to ear as he bowed at Yifan. "I am counting on you to put a good word in for me, sir!" And when he straightened himself up, there was a gleam in his eyes. "Can I be so bold as to invite you on a picnic trip this Sunday, on the hills, with my lovely wife and I? It would be a good opportunity for us to get to know each other better, since we are going to be working closely together from now on. I have not offered my thanks for saving my wife, either."
Yifan smiled softly. This was a first, having a subordinate who was eager to improve their working relationship from the get-go, albeit through more unconventional methods. Yifan and his previous lieutenant colonel had bonded through bullets and countless accounts of fighting back to back to save each other's hides, as did he with many other subordinates of his.
"That would be fine." He said, though Yifan tried hard to ignore the rising anticipation to see Lu Han again, focusing instead on the possibility of forging a close bond with Jung Yunho.
--
Despite the worrying weather forecast which had predicted that it would rain on the day their picnic was planned for, it turned out to be particularly sunny instead, to which Yifan was relieved to see and Song Qian, enthusiastic.
We haven't gone for a picnic in a very long while! Song Qian had exclaimed when Yifan had told her about Yunho's invitation, you're always away, and when you're back you'd rather stay a hermit at home. It's a mighty good thing Lieutenant Colonel Jung was nice enough to invite us along!
Yifan had wanted to say something about it, but decided to let the matter slide in the end. There wasn't a point in destroying everybody's good moods before the picnic itself, and it was a great opportunity for Yifan to enjoy a seemingly normal life for now, in any case.
When they finally arrived at the supposed picnic spot, Yifan was awash with the relief that he'd agreed to the invitation. Although the hills were within the army base itself, Yifan had never been here in person due to his various engagements - didn't even know of the existence of this area, with its scenery so picturesque it had him pausing in awe. Yifan had never expected the army base to look so beautiful from this vantage point, and it was a wonder how Yunho had managed to discover this place at all, when he'd come to the base much later than Yifan had.
But his awe over the scenery was soon replaced by mesmerisation when Lu Han came into full view. She was already seated in the backseat of the jeep when Yunho dropped by at Yifan's home to pick him and Song Qian up, nodding her head once in acknowledgement before she'd resumed to staring at her hands which were folded on her lap. Right now, standing next to Yunho in a powder pink dress which was a lot more conservative than her daring number at the Officers' Ball, she appeared so demure and sweet, her fingers gripping the handle of the picnic basket firmly, and the small smile she was wearing on her lips was devastating.
"Sir, after you." Yunho's voice broke his trance-like state just then, and Yifan cleared his throat in embarrassment, hoping he hadn't been staring too blatantly. It wasn't a good thing to get caught, especially when Song Qian was with him and Lu Han's husband was also around. Together with Yunho, Yifan laid out the blanket on the grass for them to sit, while the ladies waited by the side for them to be done.
Soon enough, they were all chatting like old friends would, though the conversation was mostly dominated by Yunho, while Song Qian chipped her thoughts in very frequently. There wasn't much Yifan could say, considering that the topic focused on him and his achievements, but Lu Han remained very silent as she diligently peeled some fruits for them to have.
Yifan knew the conversation was going to turn very awkward when Yunho began describing in length the things he's heard from the mouth of others, of Yifan's accomplishments while in Vietnam. He wasn't sure if Yunho knew that Song Qian was poorly tolerant of all things grisly, but his second-in-command was definitely extremely oblivious to the way Song Qian had turned greener by the second. By the time Yunho started describing about the way Yifan had decapitated their enemy's commander during his battalion's final skirmish in Vietnam prior to being sent back to South Korea, Song Qian reached her limit, her gloved hand flying up to cover her mouth.
"I am terribly sorry for disturbing your... story-telling-" Song Qian gagged a little at the imageries she must be seeing in her mind, and shakily made to stand, straightening her rumpled skirt to the best of her ability. "-but I simply must go get some fresh air."
Yifan had intended to follow after his wife, but Yunho was a step ahead of him, pushing Yifan back down with a firm hand on his shoulder and a reassuring grin on his face. "Worry not, sir. I will escort your beautiful wife here, for I think I am more well-versed with this locality than you." He said, and when Yifan looked to Song Qian, she merely pressed a thin-lipped smile and nodded in agreement, unable to muster the strength to object.
An awkward silence enveloped the two remaining persons at the picnic site once they've left, and out of nervous habit, Yifan pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and lighted it up, inhaling deeply so that he could calm his nerves with the help of nicotine. With only the two of them there, Yifan really couldn't help his eyes from gravitating towards Lu Han's very existence, like a moth is attracted to flames. Demure as Lu Han might seem on the outside, Yifan still believed that there was more to her than meets the eye. She was holding back, he knew, but he wanted to know what, and most importantly, why.
"Peaches are good for those who smoke, they say." Lu Han spoke up softly just then, her eyes never leaving the peach she was peeling.
Despite his attempts at maintaining a neutral expression, the corner of Yifan's lips quirked in amusement. "Who are 'they', may I ask?" He queried, even though he had heard of that saying before as well. It was an anecdote championed by the older generation, of which none of them could provide a satisfactory explanation as to why it was good.
He had a sense of personal satisfaction when Lu Han's composed exterior faltered just a little, pink dusting her cheeks from being flustered. "It is mere hearsay, Colonel." She replied, but at least it was more than enough to make her cut the peach into several slices in record speed, before she finally looked up at Yifan while handing the plate to him.
Yifan wondered if his smile was too broad, when he picked a slice up and slotted it into his mouth, only to feel the soreness in his jaw from grinning way too much. Either way, there was only Lu Han and him right now, so he could let himself go and take off his mask for a bit. No one else needed to know Yifan possessed a side that wasn't remotely stern.
And Yifan's mouth ran away on its own, when the words you're very beautiful today suddenly slipped from between his lips. Both him and Lu Han stilled at the same time, and Yifan chastised himself, wondering if he'd ruined the easy atmosphere which had just been there moments ago.
But then Lu Han beamed at him and nodded once in acknowledgement. "Thank you; very few people tell me that," she said, then, as if as an afterthought, added, "Not even my husband."
Yifan raised an eyebrow at the comment. "Why not?" He wondered aloud, puzzled. If he had a wife like Lu Han, he'd be peppering her with compliments every single morning.
"It's... complicated." Lu Han replied, and left it at that. Yifan didn't think it would be polite of him to pry either, so he didn't. It didn't mean Yifan wasn't going to file that question away for future use, though.
"The other day-" Yifan started again before the silence became too awkward to proceed. "-you said being alive or dead didn't faze you. Why is that?"
The question finally made Lu Han abandon all her efforts at peeling yet another fruit which would likely remain untouched, and she heaved a small sigh as she started playing with her fingers instead, seemingly distracted. Lu Han didn't really meet his gaze, and Yifan wondered if she was hiding yet something else. "We are living in a time of war, Colonel. Even if the war might be fought in a land distant from ours, there is no saying when we will be directly afflicted. Rather than spending our days in fear over something uncertain, would it not be better if we accepted our fate and faced it calmly?"
Yifan was left intrigued once again by Lu Han's statement. She sounded like someone who was very intelligent - a trait which was shunned by many, if found in a woman, because women were supposed to keep their mouths shut and be a home-maker - and well-read, but Yifan couldn't be sure. The sound of laughter coming from a distance just then, however, reminded Yifan with a start that they weren't alone that morning. Yunho and Song Qian were going to join them once again soon enough, so he decided to speak the last thing on his mind, before the opportunity slipped away.
"I want to get to know you better, Miss Lu. If you do not mind, that is."
Several tense, agonising seconds ticked past, before Lu Han finally relented and smiled invitingly. "I will commend you if you are able to get me to open up, Colonel."
It spoke of a concealed promise, one which Yifan will have to work hard for if he wanted to unravel the mysteries surrounding this doe-eyed beauty, and he was frankly up for the challenge. It made things all the more exciting, at the very least, and Yifan's mind was busy with the infinite possibilities of what he might discover in the near future on their short drive back to the army camp. He couldn't keep his eyes off Lu Han for the entirety of their journey, her side profile sharp and alluring even in the dusty rear-view mirror.
--
"I hope you made lots of progress with Wu Yifan." Yunho threw the words at her the moment they had dropped Yifan and Song Qian off at their home, voice smug. So that was what Yunho had in mind when he had offered to escort Song Qian around the hills for some fresh air. He must have known that Song Qian could not stomach grisly details.
Lu Han really wanted to gag. Jung Yunho was shameless.
"I do not know what you're talking about." Lu Han said instead, decidedly keeping her gaze on the scenery outside. She couldn't help herself from staring at Yifan's back, even as he disappeared through the door into his home, his hand firmly on the small of Song Qian's waist. Something akin to jealousy burned inside her, but here she was, stuck with the most disgusting man she ever had the luck of meeting.
"Don't play dumb with me." Yunho snapped impatiently, his foot pressing on the accelerator just a little harder and causing the jeep to lurch forward in a sickening motion, and Lu Han winced when the edge of the seatbelt dug into her flesh. He had always been terrible at controlling his temper in private, or perhaps it was just because Lu Han wouldn't hesitate to irk him every chance she had. His patience with her was running thin, Lu Han was sure. "He had his eyes on you for the entire drive. Don't tell me you haven't noticed."
Of course Lu Han had noticed. Her skin had been covered in pleasant tingles throughout the ride, and surely enough, whenever she dared look up, she would meet Yifan's eyes in the rear-view mirror. His gaze would always be so intense that it made her blush and lower her head immediately, but the cycle repeated itself countless times in the last forty minutes and still Lu Han found herself fighting the urge to glance at the mirror. There was a peculiar sort of magnetism which drew her in continuously, though she couldn't put a finger on the reason why.
She was mildly ashamed of that fact, if only because Song Qian had fallen asleep on her shoulder, and Lu Han was afraid that Yifan's wife might hear the rapid beating of her heart against her chest.
This was something Lu Han couldn't let Yunho know about, however. He'd definitely use it to his full advantage, and push and push Lu Han until she reached her breaking point. No, Yunho didn't have to find out that Lu Han was attracted to Wu Yifan. Instead, Lu Han did what she knew how to do best - put up an act. While it was true that they have been married for years, Yunho hadn't really bothered to get to know Lu Han at a deeper level, and thus was unable to tell when she was acting and when she was not.
Lu Han was keen on keeping it that way.
"I haven't." She remarked boldly, not caring if it'd invite Yunho's wrath. Lu Han knew Yunho wouldn't dare lay a hand on her. It was much too risky, especially with what he wanted her to do. They were supposed to appear as a happily-married pair; it wouldn't do for anyone to find any marks of abuse on her.
From her peripheral vision, Lu Han could see how Yunho's knuckles were turning white as they gripped the steering wheel hard, probably trying to channel his anger somewhere else. It gave her a personal sense of satisfaction to know that she could still rile Yunho up, juvenile as the thought might be. She was almost powerless against Yunho, especially when he was a well-trained military man. Who was a woman like her to actively fight against this man?
The next words which left Yunho's mouth were rushed through his teeth, his jaw tight from an attempt not to bark at her. "I don't care what you do. Speed things up. I can't wait forever."
Lu Han had absolutely no plans to follow his orders. Not this time.
--
Ever since Yifan had returned from Vietnam, he could count on one hand the number of times he had been truly left alone to sort out the mess in his head. Song Qian would occupy three-quarters of his time, dragging him here and there as company to every single social event imaginable on the base against his will. Yifan hadn't known that the army camp could be so lively, outside their regular marching and field practice, but he still found himself more exhausted than if he were to stick to his usual training routine. The other quarter of his time would be spent in the Operations Office, dealing with pile upon pile of paperwork. Seeing as they've lost a good number of soldiers in Vietnam, the government was actively searching for new recruits to take their place. It was unsavoury, having to look for replacements so soon after his comrades' deaths, but a job was a job, if Yifan would like to avoid landing himself in court-martial for shirking his responsibilities.
It was a lovely morning indeed. Yifan's sleep had been relatively uninterrupted, save for the brief moment where Song Qian had tapped him in the back, letting him know that she was on her way out for yet another of her Officers' Wives Club meeting - which, by now, Yifan had learnt was nothing more than a fancy term describing their gossip sessions over facials and hairdos and manicures. At least Song Qian hadn't resorted to dragging Yifan to those yet. He might lose what was left of his sanity even sooner.
When Yifan had finally managed to pry himself out of his warm sheets and hopped into the shower, it was already mid-morning, the early spring sun shining down upon the army camp yet not nearly hot enough. It was an ideal weather for a jog, so Yifan did just that, pulling on his tracksuit and taking full advantage of the rare moment of alone time he had.
Yifan couldn't even remember when he had last jogged around the base, though it must have been before his last skirmish in Vietnam. That had been almost a year ago. He felt happy like this, taking in the sights as he continued on his morning jog, occasionally responding to a salute or two from his subordinates who were on the same trail. There was an odd sense of liberation, something Yifan had sorely missed. The sweat cooling on his skin was also very much welcomed when he decided that it was enough for a day, after which Yifan opted to take a stroll back home instead, allowing his muscles ample time to cool down.
What Yifan didn't expect, though, was to bump into Lu Han on his way. Her expressions were pensive, her already small frame made to look even more petite by the lacy white dress she had on. It seemed as though they shared the same telepathy, however, for Lu Han glanced up with a bright smile just as Yifan made up his mind to speak to her, her small hand coming up to pin a loose strand of hair to the side of her face to avoid the breeze from blowing it into her eyes. Yifan stumbled a little from the sight, but quickly caught himself before he made a complete embarrassment of himself.
"Hi," Yifan greeted breathlessly when they met in the middle, though he wasn't sure if it was because he'd jogged the small distance they had between them, or if he was just exhilarated to see her. He decided on the former, not wanting to delve into what the latter might signify if he ever dared admit to it. "It's a nice surprise to see you here. Are you not supposed to be at the Officers' Wives Club meeting?"
For a moment, Lu Han appeared adorably confused, before she burst into peals of attractive laughter. "Is that what they call it? Their gossip session?"
Yifan rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly. He could imagine how weird the term must have sounded, coming from his lips, and his cheeks grew a little warmer. "Well, that is what Song Qian tells me. You know how they are, wanting everything to sound classy." He said wryly, then cleared his throat. "Anyway, what are you doing here alone?"
It was probably the wrong question to ask, because Lu Han's bright smile immediately turned wry. "I was not invited."
Yifan froze at her words. "But why?" He asked, unable to comprehend. Vicious as they might be with their words, Yifan hadn't known of instances of them shunning anyone out of their circle. Apparently there was a first for everything, though.
"They do not much like me. Have you really not noticed?" Lu Han said, her tone light even though her words were not. Yifan could sense that she felt excluded, from the way Lu Han lowered her head and started to walk down the dirt path in silence.
Yifan made it a point to keep astride with her, watching her expressions with concern. "I don't understand. Why would they not like you?" He, for one, liked her plenty.
"Because I'm different." Lu Han looked up and flashed a tight smile at him.
"Different?" He echoed, unable to comprehend. Yifan didn't think Lu Han was any different from the rest - prettier, perhaps, but nothing much out of the norm.
Lu Han exhaled, the soft noise packed with the burden she probably felt, and took a seat on the first bench in sight. Yifan joined her, though he kept a respectful distance between them. Others who walked on this path might stumble upon them, and Yifan honestly didn't want to invite any malicious gossip, more so on Lu Han's part instead of his.
"I don't suppose you've heard of the things they've been spreading about me." Lu Han said softly, and when Yifan merely shot her another look of confusion, took it upon herself to continue. "I was born a daughter to a pair of refugees from China. Life was extremely difficult for us, having no one to depend on, not nearly enough money to survive, and absolutely no knowledge of the language spoken here."
At this, her voice choked up with too many emotions threatening to swallow her whole, evidently too painful to reminiscent. "Things turned from bad to worse when my father fell ill. With no money to look for a cure or to get medications, my mother-" Another pause, a deep breath, yet Lu Han's voice still quivered when she spoke. "-she sold me off as a wife to Yunho. My family had no sons, you see, and women could not look for jobs. They've been calling me a comfort woman because of this."
Yifan shifted in his seat from shock, turning to face her. "But that's-" He swallowed convulsively, unable to believe what he was hearing. When he looked at Lu Han and Yunho, he'd thought they were married for love, not for the sake of convenience, but apparently he thought wrong. "That's terrible. Don't you resent her for doing that?"
Lu Han inhaled deeply again and glanced at Yifan, the tears brimming in her eyes. "I do - but what else could I have done?" She tried to smile bravely, though it only caused her tears to start falling down her face.
Out of impulse, Yifan reached up to cup her cheek, stroking it gently in hopes that it could at least alleviate her pain a little. Lu Han seemed surprised for a moment, but she ended up leaning into his palm, closing her eyes to savour his warmth. "I'm sorry this had to happen to you. If only I could do something-"
Lu Han shook her head and interrupted him. "No, it's not your fault. I only have my luck to blame." When she opened her eyes again, Yifan found his breath hitching from the intensity of her gaze. "But thank you. Thank you for not judging me." She said, her voice barely above a whisper yet loud in Yifan's ears at the same time, triumphing over the rush of blood in his senses.
"I don't-" Yifan started, though his words died on the tip of his tongue when he suddenly realised how close they had gotten, his palm against her cheek and their noses almost touching. If Yifan leaned in just a little more-
No. Yifan couldn't - mustn't - do this, even if he was gravely tempted to. They were both married, and doing this, following through with his impulses, was going to destroy them both, especially when Yifan didn't even know how Lu Han felt about him. He might very well ruin the friendship he's made with Lu Han, and Yifan wasn't sure if he was ready for that to happen. It was extremely clear to him that he was attracted to Lu Han, though it didn't mean that Lu Han reciprocated his feelings.
He quickly dropped his hand and cleared his throat as a poor attempt at covering up, but he wasn't sure if he had imagined the disappointment which flashed across Lu Han's features. Yifan refused to dwell upon it, so he said the most normal thing he could come up with at that particular moment: "Why are you willingly telling me all of this?"
"I'm not seeking for sympathy." Her voice was small, hesitant, as though she had expected Yifan to harbour such thoughts. But when Yifan merely stayed silent, the next smile Lu Han flashed at him was radiant. "Because I can sense that you have secrets you need to tell someone, too. By telling you mine, I want you to know that you can trust in me, that you can confide in me things that you can't let anyone else in on." She confessed, the light in her eyes earnest.
And Yifan merely found himself falling deeper and deeper for the existence that was Lu Han.
--
Yifan and Lu Han met up a lot more frequently after that fateful day. It wasn't at all difficult, considering how Song Qian was often preoccupied with administrative matters at the hospital, having been given the authority to preside over its running, and she still had frequent meetings with her clique.
Lu Han was almost always left to her own devices by Yunho, Yifan quickly learnt. There wasn't a point in spending large amounts of time in the presence of someone who was almost akin to a stranger, when it was a matrimony without love - these were Yunho's words, apparently, told to Yifan one day by Lu Han.
Yifan was, of course, more than glad to keep her company, when his own marriage was like a dying flame. Song Qian and him barely exchanged any words of affection, anyway, only talking about mundane topics at the end of the day, whenever they sat at the table for dinner. It's as usual were probably the most commonly used words under their roof these days, neither of them much too willing to share anything more.
While Yifan still had to oversee his troops, these sessions were mostly confined to the mornings. It was an arrangement made by his superiors, as a transitioning move to prepare him for a higher position in the army. His promotion to Lieutenant General was almost certain at this point of time, delayed only by some official procedures which they had to complete. Hence, in the afternoons when the shooting practices would usually take place, Yifan suddenly found himself with plenty of time on his hands, since Yunho would be the one overseeing their subordinates in his stead.
Yifan honestly couldn't find a cause for complaint. There wasn't anything better than to be greeted by Lu Han's bright smile whenever he dropped by at her home, taking little effort to coax her out of the house for a walk with him along their usual trail. They always kept a respectful distance, for fear of inviting malicious gossips, but Yifan wondered if he'd imagined the light in Lu Han's eyes, one which spoke of desire for something more whenever he gazed into them for a second longer.
He didn't dare hope for much, feeling content enough that she was willing to share her life stories with him. It didn't matter if she didn't reciprocate his feelings, Yifan thought, as long as he could see her smile.
It was then that Yifan realised he was already too far gone.
--
Part III