[FOR WOAHSEHUN] Papier Mâché [2/2]

[krishanthemods]

Part I

“Don’t play with fire.”

Lu Han recognises the voice but makes a show of looking up before he snorts in reply. “Hush, you.”

The unicorn frowns. “I’m serious.”

“Chanyeol’s no fun,” Lu Han scrunches up his nose. He doesn’t like that comparison-they’ll never be on par. Lu Han is more toned down. He doesn’t have Chanyeol’s excessive energy. “Actually, he’s a little too much.”

“Well… Chanyeol is,” Yixing frowns. He cannot find the right words for this predicament. “If you know that, don’t go there.”

Chanyeol is different. Brave and strong may be the better description. He’s fighting Zitao and samsāra and he has no intentions of backing down. Lu Han might want to, but he doesn’t have that fearless nature. The words from Yixing are a warning. Yixing is a little different from Lu Han. His place hadn’t always been this one. Long ago, Yixing had done many good things and ended up in the Realm of Gods. After his grace had run out and he had died, he had been reborn into the Realm of Demi-Gods. Lu Han knows that Yixing’s words of wisdom are valuable, but application wise, it’s not as easy as Yixing makes it sound.

“Well,” Lu Han pouts, cheeks puffed up for show. “He’s having all sorts of fun with that human.”

“The two plains are very different,” Yixing ignores his argument and chides with his lips turned upside down. “Even if we’re knowledgeable about it, we never know what will actually happen. Lu Han-”

Noticing that Lu Han isn’t paying attention, Yixing takes the chance and peers down at the subject of Lu Han’s interest. The one on Earth is a mere child; one full of fear. He will be easy to take over if his resolve wavers. Lu Han shuffles over a little and turns to stare at the side of Yixing’s profile. A second passes before Lu Han gets his hands on Yixing’s thoughts. Snorting, he flicks Yixing’s forehead and rids him of any intentions of interfering. Despite being exceptionally blank, they’ve been together for so long that Lu Han just knows.

“Don’t you go breaking any rules either,” Lu Han warns in return. “The repercussions don’t come cheap.”

Lu Han knows that these words can be used against him. He has seen these warnings before. They have been told to those who have gone and then from those who have returned. The only ones that haven’t fallen victim to such words are Minseok and Jongdae. Those two, are an exception. One is disinterested in the world and the other lives without a care, no intentions of being attached. Minseok is at peace as long as he’s got room for himself and an endless supply of human coffee. As for Jongdae, so long as he can create trouble for others, he will not create any for himself.

“Some people are just more sensitive to spiritual energy than others,” Yixing reminds him. “Don’t mistake that for something special, Han.”

Lu Han faces Yixing and laughs, bristly. Lu Han has never felt a need to explain it to Yixing. However, he does contemplate the day that Yixing finds this kind of spark. Yixing won’t be able to repeat his words and he will probably come to dislike himself for a long time. Lu Han is not waiting for that day-he knows how painful it can be-but sometimes, the spite gets to him and he ends up thinking before he can stop it.

“You should try persuading Jongdae instead.”

Yixing actually gives thought to that and Lu Han chuckles into his hands. It will be good if this works out because that will mean having Yixing off his back. Jongdae and Minseok are friends and they care greatly, but they don’t intervene when it comes to Lu Han’s human. Adding Yixing to that group will make things so much easier-especially on his conscience. Lu Han doesn’t need the constant reminder of what he’s doing wrong.

“Stop bad mouthing me,” Jongdae cuts in as he floats down and settles next to Lu Han. He leans in closer and smirks against the shell of Lu Han’s ear. “I know all of your secrets, Lu Han.”

It’s not so much bad mouthing that Lu Han worries about when it comes to Jongdae. They’ve been together for the longest. There are no secrets but Lu Han nods solemnly and zips up his mouth with a small hand gesture. For the most part, he does it to satisfy Jongdae’s need to control the situation. Lu Han doesn’t really think that Jongdae will tell. If Jongdae holds Lu Han’s secrets, then Lu Han holds his. The terrifying person is Minseok, who is quiet but is still soaking the information in. And of course, there’s time, who holds the key to everything.

Yixing narrows his eyes. “Don’t encourage him, Jongdae.”

Jongdae flashes a grin that has Yixing frowning in an instant. “Then should I strike him dead and make more work for you?”

Lu Han frowns at them both and makes a swift escape for Minseok’s haven. Knowing them, it is likely that he’ll come out with injuries. Once they engage in competition, they forget about him and stop listening to his opinions. Lu Han has learnt much over the years. When caught in the crossfire between Jongdae and Yixing there’s nowhere safer than the soft and gentle Minseok.

Lu Han stares down at him, eyes glowing with confusion, despite his understanding of humanity's fragility. They simply aren’t made to last. It’s so obvious and so usual that Lu Han doesn’t even flinch from where he is perched and is looking down at Yifan. Actually, it looks kind of good, haggard breathing, eyes darting with uncertainty and heart racing, almost as if Yifan is still trying to escape. There’s fight left in him and that’s mesmerizing. Yifan has escaped death more than once, especially in his line of work but it’s always a sight to see. Despite knowing that time will chase, Yifan uses every means to hold on.

“You’re going to die.”

Yifan stares up the starry sky and scoffs. “About time.”

He hadn’t died then but he knew that it was coming. Lu Han peers down at him, this time in his deer form. It’s been rare that he takes on the spiritual form these days. From the time that Yifan managed to solidify his skills Lu Han only shows up in human form, so it’s nice to see the pure white. Now, with a closer look and eyes clearer than ever, Yifan notices that it hadn’t been a hollow black at all. When he was five, young and clueless, everything had been a trick of lighting and at ten, it was because of dark times. Those deep and dark eyes had always been brown, sweet like honey.

“Where will I go?”

Lu Han shrugs. Asking him such a question is pointless. No one knows the answer. People travel, but where they go, even the spirits have no idea. They’re not supposed to entertain that thought, not to interfere. There are six possible realms that he can be reborn but it doesn’t look like Yifan is on his way up. That’s not exactly good news and Lu Han doesn’t feel a need to tell him that.

“Guess you don’t know everything that we question,” Yifan replies, still somewhat amused.

Lu Han wonders how he finds all situations of the same nature so amusing. Perhaps it’s been one too many times, with too many chances. Yifan always smile with a tilt when he’s faced with time termination. It’s like he wants to go and see his mother whom he had left alone when he was ten, but at the same time, he doesn’t because Lu Han is here and Lu Han makes everything possible.

“Hm,” Lu Han hums. “Do you want to live?”

Lu Han has always wanted to know Yifan’s reason for surviving. He cannot go so far as to say that Yifan is ‘living’ because that’s not what Yifan is doing. Ever since his mother passed, Yifan had gone around without purpose. Then, he fell into the job, hoping to be reunited with her. Lu Han witnessed it and tagged along because sin, will eat away his grace. However, Yifan continued on, despite his lack of relations; family, friends and potential lovers. He’s said that something is missing but he’s never said what. Without the answer, Lu Han’s interest in him lingers.

Yifan throws him a look, brows knotted; wondering if that is even a question. Yifan’s always been full of fears but dying hasn’t been one of them. Ever since he was ten, life was just something to pass time by. However, there is a reason that he wants to continue on the line. There’s a little mystery that he hasn’t been able to solve so he holds on.

“Of course I do,” Yifan shoots back.

“But why?” Lu Han presses.

Yifan closes his eyes and breathes but the moment that he opens them, they are drawn to Lu Han’s. There’s something there that he has always seen but hasn’t managed to figure out. There’s a little something missing in the centre of his heart and he has a feeling it has something to do with Lu Han, but he cannot be sure. Lu Han is always familiar, but that might just be a trick of memory. Even if Lu Han wants an answer, Yifan has nothing solid to offer. He cannot put it into words. It is like something he has buried and will recognise once the time is right.

“There’s… just something, ‘right?” Yifan spits at him. “If you’re so curious, search my conscience, like you said you could.”

Lu Han glares at him. Of course he can’t do that, unless he has the intention to eat away at Yifan’s soul and possess his body. Right now, that’s an impossible feat. The thing that Yifan fears the most isn’t Lu Han. The ability to possess doesn’t work unless Lu Han is in control and unfortunately, it seems that his era of control had been long over once Yifan had figured out how to summon him without exerting any effort. The only other thing that Lu Han can offer him at this point is a compromise. The price he’s asking Yifan to pay will never match what Lu Han will have to give up but he can worry about that later.

“A date,” Lu Han bargains. “I want one. As a human.”

“Ha?” Yifan’s mouth drops, “You want me to let you possess someone?”

“It’s not you, so what’s the problem?”

He manages to hold a stare. Yifan’s never been good at dealing with Lu Han. At whatever point it is that he’s forced to face Lu Han, Yifan has a hard time because he either finds Lu Han endearing or just downright fears him. He’d like to think that he hides it well. He’s wrong and Lu Han uses it to his advantages. Lu Han doesn’t chew him out on it because he thinks that it’s fun and interesting to observe. Yifan takes his time thinking, hoping that maybe as he losses bits and pieces of his functioning, that he’ll deny the bloody deer of his unreasonable request.

“So, what do you say?” Lu Han smiles. His eyes crinkle and though it is small, the gesture still manages to stir Yifan’s usually dormant heart. “A date. That’s all it’ll be.”

Yifan stares Lu Han down, trying to figure out his intentions, but there is nothing there but clear eyes that tell nothing but the truth. Even if they are scary when the light makes them appear hollow and black, they’re also clean and clear. There is no hesitation or flash of fear that Yifan can catch. A date. That’s not much at all for the price of a few extended years-hell, it might be a few hours if Lu Han’s pulling his leg, but it doesn’t sound too bad. There are lots of things he can accomplish if he is given a few more hours.

“Fine,” Yifan sighs.

The tension in Lu Han’s features dissipates the moment that Yifan agrees. Lu Han’s doe eyes sparkle and he thinks he sees a hint of a smile, but the spirit closes in on him and everything fades to black. Yifan never finds out what Lu Han sacrifices to extend his years.

Years down the track, when time smugly claims his victory, Lu Han scowls at Zitao and reminds him of all the offerings he’d made but nothing changes. There’s nothing else that he can do now and he has to learn to accept it all over again. Learning the same thing over and over seems to be ineffective. Lu Han always falls into the same pattern. Eventually, the pain of loss smooths away into nothing. Time passes as promised and everything repeats.

“Stop sulking,” Yixing looks at him, eyes downcast. “I told you you were going to run out of things to offer him.”

Lu Han makes a face but no voiced retort comes. There’s no point in arguing when he knows that he’ll lose-especially if it’s Yixing’s argument. Yixing doesn’t have Jongdae’s sharp bite nor Minseok’s silence consolation, but his pity is evident in everything-his gesture, his expression, his voice and his soft touch. Lu Han hates him for it because Yixing reminds him of how weak and powerless he is. Lu Han can beat everything in the world, but he’ll still lose to time.

As soon as the summoning stops, Lu Han is forced to go back into routine. It’s another two hundred years of waiting and survival. Lu Han’s full life is more than double the minor sixty that he gets to spend with Yifan, but it feels like nothing at all. On the contrary, Lu Han feels like he’s the one that has been left alone to wither away. Day in and out, he’s stuck with Minseok’s never ending calm, Yixing’s consolation and Jongdae’s random role playing.

Today, Jongdae plays the informant, a tip in his smile, “Your little human left you something.”

“Jongdae!” Yixing scolds.

Lu Han raises a brow and from the corner of his eyes, catches Jongdae quirking his lips up further. Trust Jongdae to sound condescending and sincere all at once. Sighing, he turns and shoots Zitao a look that goes ignored. Time escapes and only droplets of soft white snow leave him clues. Lu Han scoffs a little at Minseok’s efforts, but he’s obtained a tip and the support from Jongdae so he will as well go. In this case it’s three to one, not counting Zitao because he’s staying on the fence.

“You’re really going?” Yixing asks, frowning.

Lu Han pokes his tongue out and turns away with a huff.

“Take your time.” Jongdae chirps with flashes of bright light. “I’ll call in a favour for you.”

Jongdae refuses to face him. It’s the same picture that he sees every two hundred years or so. Every time it happens, Jongdae promises to call in a favour. Despite knowing that the cycle will repeat itself, Jongdae is kind enough to comfort and Minseok is happy enough to play along. This is a first for Yixing, but he will become accustomed to it. Lu Han stares at Jongdae’s back for a moment before he advances, squeezes Jongdae’s shoulder with his gratitude and then leaves. Minseok leads the way and eventually, Yixing chases, reminding him to be careful.

The path is covered in white and Lu Han chases it. Being alone on the human plain is odd and quite cold. Lu Han isn’t used to it but he advances with will. Against the heat, the litter of snowdrops melt, but Minseok covers the ground quickly enough so that Lu Han doesn’t lose his path. Lu Han isn’t quite sure where this is meant to lead him, until the familiar building comes into view. He’s only been there once, but he won’t forget it. It was here that he had been summoned before Yifan for the first time.

The house is empty, as he expects. Ever since the fire, no one has occupied that space. There are still some pillars supporting the building but everything else is reduced to dust. Lu Han had done a good job so he’s slightly confused until he remembers that Minseok is the one leading the way. Minseok is not the misleading type. He’s straightforward and sweet like his little snowflakes. There must be something here. Lu Han hasn’t been back, but maybe he should have come earlier.

Lu Han looks up at the sky and smiles to convey his gratitude before he continues on. He follows the droplets of snow through the house until he finds a broken door with a burnt wood piece that only has ‘凡’ left on it and stops. It must have been Yifan’s room. The droplets of snow are concentrated here so Lu Han slips through the door. Once inside, Minseok leads him further in and he finds ice falling over a black umbrella. This is the final stop and Minseok continues to indicate to the umbrella for as long as Lu Han hesitates.

There’s a sealing circle scrawled beneath his feet but it has faded over time. He can enter it now. Swallowing the nerves, Lu Han takes a tentative step and heaves a sigh of relief when nothing banishes him from the building. Once he calms down with deep breathes, Lu Han reaches his trembling hands out and pushes the umbrella out of the way with a gush of wind. Then he stops, the breath caught in his chest when the item hiding underneath comes into view.

In the middle Yifan’s gloomy room, sits a carefully crafted deer made of papier mâché. Upon close inspection, the details shout out. Lu Han realises that the paper used had taken from the small paper manikins that Yifan had often drawn the summoning circle on to conjure him. He stares at it, until laughter cracks in his form and the sound bubbles over as he curses Jongdae. Lu Han wishes that he can carry the deer home, but he still passes through it. All he can do now is to wait for time to turn once more.

Lu Han cracks with broken laughter until there’s nothing left. Once the moment passes, he drops his head out of exhaustion. Then there’s a prompt scream from the sky. Lu Han doesn’t get an audience. Instead, the house remains empty and barren. In the vacant space, Lu Han crouches down by box that cradles the papier mâché deer and sobs loudly, allowing the sounds of nature to drown him out. Jongdae's favour is big. There's nothing on thunder and lightning bolts that summon rain, followed by hail.

The whole date thing goes pretty well. An amusement park is a standard human thing. Yifan hopes that the experience, will quell most of Lu Han’s curiosity. Lu Han wants a human experience and so Yifan plans to give him one. He doesn’t think of anything extravagant because that’s unrealistic, unless of course, Lu Han intends to keep the body and meet someone insanely rich. Right from the start, Lu Han has fun. His smile is enough to have Yifan lower is guard.

However, Lu Han not paying attention when Yifan tugs at his sleeves and pulls him into the cart so he follows without a fight. That’s when the problem begins. The lights are coming up after sunset and they will be fascinating. Yifan just wants Lu Han to experience everything that he can. The fireworks are coming up and the Ferris wheel will give them a good view. If Lu Han likes light, this will be something to remember. However, as the object rotates higher and higher, Lu Han’s eyes grow wide and he attempts to will the machinery to stop. It doesn’t bend to his will and that causes his fears to heighten.

“Fuck,” Lu Han curses, “Wu Yifan, what the hell is this?”

Although relaxed with the height, Yifan grows confused in seconds. Yifan likes the height. It takes him away from the world and that is something that he can appreciate. He sees nothing wrong with it, but Lu Han clutches onto the bar until his knuckles turn white. Upon closer inspection, Yifan notices that Lu Han’s shaking is beyond his control. Soon, he hides away his beautiful glowing eyes and curls into himself, mimicking a cocoon of safety.

“You’re afraid of heights,” Yifan states, still baffled.

Do deities have fears? He’s never seen Lu Han with fear before. It’s fascinating because now the position is in reverse. Lu Han seems like he’s human. It’s an anomaly. Lu Han instils fear. He does it all the time because that’s his job. This contrasting image is not something that Yifan is used to seeing and he can’t tear his eyes away from it. The trembling and the clattering teeth are gestures so human, Yifan feels like he’s observing others for the very first time. He actually feels pity for the deer that’s often nearly killed him with fear alone.

“I’m a deer,” Lu Han hisses at him. “My natural habitat is the ground you dumbass.”

Yifan lets the information sink in and sighs because that’s logical enough. He hadn’t thought of it that way but Lu Han cannot die. There have been instances where Lu Han has come close to it but it has never happened. He neither ages nor suffers any long lasting injuries. Yifan doesn’t see the need to fear, but perhaps, there are special cases. Now that he’s listening, he can hear feel Lu Han’s fear. Thanks to their connection, fright in Lu Han is drumming through him. Like this, it doesn’t feel like Lu Han is cold or empty.

“You should have told me,” Yifan grumbles.

He feels pretty horrible, but thinking about on all the scares that he’s gotten from Lu Han in the past alongside his stubborn sense of pride, Yifan’s apology goes unsaid.

“You should have figured,” Lu Han bites back, ears red and eyes squeezed shut. “I didn’t know this thing rotates while going up. What’s wrong with you humans?”

Yifan doesn't have an answer for that. He has learnt not to generalise. Humans are creatures that seek thrill out of boredom, but at the same time, fear the outcome of it, if it is too risky. Amusement parks are a little taste with safety lined up. Though they are dying day by day, humans often put up an act as they attempt run from fear and death. Yifan is the same. Thrill is a momentary pleasure that they seek, though the Ferris wheel wouldn’t fall into the category of thrill.

“Do you want me to sit over there with you?”

“And disrupt the balance?” Lu Han scoffs, trying not to imagine the tip. “We’ll die.”

Yifan frowns, like he would at a pouting child, “You can’t.”

Don’t be ridiculous, runs underneath his tone.

“I might,” Lu Han argues without missing a beat. He doesn’t have it in him to snap even though Yifan’s words have his brows and mouth twitching with annoyance. “You don’t know that for sure.”

Yifan frowns. The apology still refuses to become words, but Yifan offers something else. He leans forward and holds out his hands. Lu Han’s hands probably don’t hurt but with the force that he's exerting, it might become troublesome. Anymore than that and the metal bar might break and then they will go down if Lu Han panics. Yifan doesn't want anymore alarm, though he’ll probably start panicking too if the metal begins to bend. Lu Han’s abilities are to be feared and they didn’t do a test before coming to the park, so Yifan isn’t sure what Lu Han is capable of in this form. Still, now he’ll have to try and it’s better to be safe than sorry. Falling from a Ferris wheel while in the care of a deity would be a pretty lame way to die.

“Lu Han, let go of the pole and hold onto my hands.”

“What the actual fuck,” Lu Han hisses, gripping tighter. “Are you crazy?”

“You don’t have to open your eyes,” Yifan tells him, hands still outstretched. “Just bring your hands forward and I’ll find you.”

Lu Han’s bite disappears with a flinch and he curls further into himself, dejected. His fear is still there, but there’s a bit of calm to their link. The thudding in Yifan’s ears has stopped but it’s not a nice calm. This moment of peace is dark and murky, spoiling Yifan’s stomach but he can only be grateful that he still has some of Lu Han’s trust to kick the bit of the fear away.

Yifan tries again, gently to coax him, “Han, come on. You can trust me. How many years do you think it’s been?”

The answer surfaces to the tip of his tongue but Lu Han holds it back. It’s not the time to be distracted by old memories and nostalgia. The deer shoots his eyes open to glare momentarily before he squeezes them shut again. Why are they still up so high? The world spins and the retort stuck in his throat is swallowed down with his fear. He hasn’t been able to say it all this time, there’s no way he’ll say it in a moment of weakness. He can picture his friends laughing and Lu Han not going to let that happen.

“Lu Han,” Yifan frowns in his voice and Lu Han furrows his brows further. He doesn’t like that tone. “If you keep holding on like that,” Yifan pauses again, trying to be gentle, but his words are not reassuring, “You’ll break it. If it breaks-”

Lu Han stiffens. If he lets his powers go out of control, they’ll definitely be in trouble. This is also true of the other realm, so he knows the consequences. Yifan continues to urge him gently, so he takes one hand from the pole and tries to find his way to Yifan’s hand. Lu Han pulls his right hand away first and reaches out tentatively only to draw back when he feels Yifan stepping forward. He snaps and Yifan retreats with a sigh. It takes five tries to get his right hand into Yifan’s but from then, it’s a little easier. Hand in hand, they sit on opposite side, Lu Han at peace with his eyes closed and Yifan, calm and collected once again.

Now that he pays attention, Lu Han can feel the device stopping for an interval of about two minutes each. He squeezes Yifan’s hands for an explanation and Yifan sighs as he tells Lu Han that the machine stops for each carriage at the top so that the passengers can enjoy the view. Hearing this, Lu Han squeezes his hands to hurt, what is wrong with humans? Yifan keeps his silence, as to not agitate Lu Han any further but explosions in the background make Lu Han jump.

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s just fireworks,” Yifan replies, sighing with regret. “I’m holding onto you so you can open your eyes to look… if you’re up to it.”

Lu Han huffs and turns away. He doesn’t dignify the question with an answer. They keep silence for the rest of the ride and Yifan knows better than to offer anything else. As soon as they set feet on the ground, Lu Han slouches over and hugs himself. He’s never been happier to be on the ground. As soon as he manages to get air into his system the dizzy spell fades. The borrowed legs feel like jelly, but they’re coming back with proper feeling.

“So, something else then?” Yifan forces a smile. “Like, closer to ground for you.”

Yifan’s not mocking, but an amusement park isn’t the best place to stay grounded. Most of the rides here are made for exhilaration. Two men like them, are not going to fit well in the children’s rides. Yifan enjoys the adrenaline rush. He didn’t think that he’d have a problem with Lu Han so this is a complication outside of his calculations. Thinking about it Yifan also wonders, that if this goes off as an unsatisfactory date, will Lu Han cancel the deal and leave him for dead?

“One second,” Lu Han replies, pulling Yifan to one of the benches.

Yifan allows Lu Han to sit down and quell the sickness in his stomach away.

“I’ll grab you something to drink,” Yifan offers, though he’s not sure Lu Han can even drink. “Don’t go anywhere okay?”

Lu Han nods so he assumes that it is possible. Yifan walks a few steps and then backtracks. He pulls out one of his extra phones and drops it onto Lu Han’s lap. This hasn’t happened before but it’s best to be careful. Even though he’s not too sure how well a phone will work in Lu Han’s hands, they will just have to make do. Or Lu Han can try and charm strangers into helping them. That picture works and is rather clear in Yifan’s mind.

“Just in case you do go somewhere.”

Lu Han picks it up and pokes at it, not looking as Yifan goes off on his own. He’s always been a little interested in the development of mobile phones. They were bricks at first and now they’re supposedly ‘smart’. Lu Han plays with the screen, jabbing at it with his fingers and then smiling in delight when the apps pop up with a flash of colour. Then he settles on the so called camera application and messes around in curiosity. That’s the only one he sticks to once he figures that he can see and capture himself in it. Zitao has taught him well.

“Having fun?” Yifan questions, tone filled with teasing intentions. He presses the cold drink to Lu Han’s cheek, but there’s no response to the cold. There’s truth in his inability to feel the weather. “What are you doing?”

Lu Han laughs and pulls Yifan forward, “Smile!”

He snaps a photo and then bursts out laughing, upon seeing Yifan’s mouth wide open and face blurry. That’s good enough.

“What-”

Lu Han’s eyes twinkle, “A ‘selfie’!”

Yifan frowns and then takes the phone out of Lu Han’s hand. He takes a look, scrutinising the shot. Yifan ends up frowning at the awkward angle and the blurry finish. The deer needs practice. Yifan clicks his tongue and goes back to the camera application. Lu Han whines in protest, but Yifan slips an arm around his waist and stills him. He pulls Lu Han as close as he can get and then rests his cheek against Lu Han’s head.

“Let’s try it again,” Yifan suggests. He doesn’t make a comment on Lu Han’s short arms holds the phone above them. “And this time, smile, okay?”

End.