Emily
So my latest update in life is that I have finally found my little sister. I've waited for so long and thought so many things about all of that. I thought that when I was 13 and 15 that I had blown my chances of ever meeting her and and knowing her and loving her. But I was wrong. I found her through myspace.com. I just happened aponst her site one night this past week when I couldn't sleep, and decided to search her name, and there it was. I don't know what I expected to happen when I finally found her. I still don't know what I expect. I know that she probably isn't anything like me, and that's fine. She's my sister, and I'll like her and love her for who she is. I'm writing this in LJ, but pondering about posting it on my myspace. I told my mamaw about finding her first, and she was excited. Then I told my mom, not knowing what reaction I would get. But everyone always seems to ask the same question first...what does she look like. There is a resembalence there, sutle things. But she is her own person, as I am my own person. She gave me her phone number, but I'm to chicken to call. I feel so many things about this right now. I'm excited, and happy, and scared and nervous. I mean what if she ends up hating me, that would be my worst nightmare. Of course she's only 14, and I'm 22. I remember what it was like when I was 14, so I can only imagine what this means to her. I really want to be a good influence, and a good example. I really want to be able to make this change in both of our lives, one for the better. I guess I'm still kinda in shock. Everyone asks me how I feel, and I guess I feel the same as before, just with a new person in my life. I don't think it will hit me that all of this is real until I actually see her for the first time. I'm feeling kinda self concious about all of it. Like what if I'm not good enough. I don't even know what I mean by that. I was going to IM her today, but I didn't want to seem over bearing and forceful. I guess I should just let this relationship progress as it will. I guess in the end I just want her to know that even though I haven't met her yet, that she is my sister, and that I'll love her and be there for her no matter what. Some of my friends are like, how can you love her that much when she's a stranger, but I have loved her since the first time I saw her pictures laid out on our Granny's bed. I was about 7 then, and they still welcomed me into their home. They showed me videos of her crawling around, and little snapshots as time went on, and then it was gone. They no longer spoke to me, and I could only wonder about who she was and what she was becoming. But it didn't matter. I have a sister that I have missed and loved for 14 years. So why am I so terrified. I don't know, but I guess I'll wait and see. But anything is better than not knowing at all.