Let it....Rain?
Well it most definetely has been strange weather wise this winter. Very little snow...lots and lots of rain. But that's ok, I don't mind the rain so very much. It does bring me down a little, but this morning it was kind of nice, just to sit out in it, and let it pour down around me, with nothing but the sound of the rain on the pavement and on my jacket, all around me. So I just sat there in the dark, with the morning light barely showing on the horizon just listening and wondering. Pondering who the fuck I am, and what have I become, as well as what I will become. I looked at a picture of me as a baby and thought, wow was that really me. I could have become anything in the world at that point, but as it is I was then and am now just me. Take it or leave it. But I find myself worrying a lot lately. About bills, about things I shouldn't worry about, and things that I should. When did money start to take over my life? I don't know, but it's starting to drive me up the wall. It's like I'm never going to catch up. Ugh. But I guess things will work out how they will.
I sit around sometimes and think about Noah. I think about how I want to be there for him always, and I wonder what he will become, and then I wonder will I ever be there to see it. I mean I'm missing things everyday, and as much as I miss him and want to be around him, I don't want to be at home. I hate that my mom puts stipulations on things. Why does it matter that I have piercings? Does that really change who I am? If my parent's are to dumb to know who I am by know and are going to judge me by that then what is the point. If they are going to take away my right to see my brother over something like that, then why bother. They aren't going to like or accept who I really am. That bothers me, but currently I'm at a loss over what to do about it. I have to much to worry about already. Oh well. That to will work out how it is supposed to. It's Ka I suppose.
Well I do suppose I will take Miss L to work and then just relax until she gets home, then I shall go and try to get the mighty list of to do things done, and then have a nap from 12-3:30. Sounds like a plan, for now anyway. Ok then, Until Laters dear readers.
I sit around sometimes and think about Noah. I think about how I want to be there for him always, and I wonder what he will become, and then I wonder will I ever be there to see it. I mean I'm missing things everyday, and as much as I miss him and want to be around him, I don't want to be at home. I hate that my mom puts stipulations on things. Why does it matter that I have piercings? Does that really change who I am? If my parent's are to dumb to know who I am by know and are going to judge me by that then what is the point. If they are going to take away my right to see my brother over something like that, then why bother. They aren't going to like or accept who I really am. That bothers me, but currently I'm at a loss over what to do about it. I have to much to worry about already. Oh well. That to will work out how it is supposed to. It's Ka I suppose.
Well I do suppose I will take Miss L to work and then just relax until she gets home, then I shall go and try to get the mighty list of to do things done, and then have a nap from 12-3:30. Sounds like a plan, for now anyway. Ok then, Until Laters dear readers.