#73 Curiosity
Prompt Number: #73
Author: writersstudy
Title: Curiosity
Words: 2104 words
Rating: R
Warnings: mentions of/thoughts of suicide and suicidal actions, past/broken!Kris/Lay
Summary: Yifan saves lives. Baekhyun wants to end his.
Yifan almost feels guilty about snooping through the file of a patient that isn't his, but he's heard so many rumors about Byun Baekhyun. The nurses always talk about how gorgeous he could be if he wanted to, but he doesn't, because he wants to die instead. Baekhyun ends up in their ER at least once a week, but always checks himself out as soon as he can. Yifan’s never met him - Baekhyun is twenty two and Yifan is a pediatric surgeon - but the rumors are enough to make him want to do something. He had pulled up Baekhyun’s file during a break and copied down his address. And now here he stands, pot of Chinese dumpling soup in hand, knocking on Byun Baekhyun’s door.
“He's not going to answer it,” a voice says from behind him and Yifan nearly jumps out of his skin. The man is standing in the doorway of the apartment across the hall with a baby sleeping fitfully on his shoulder. He bounces as he walks, hand digging a key out of his pocket. The lock clicks and the man’s attention turns back to the infant, hand soothing down his back.
“Baekhyun’s probably in bed. If you'll excuse me, I have to get him down for his nap before my partner gets home.” Yifan nods in thanks and steps inside the apartment.
“He's colicky,” the man raises an eyebrow, “the baby. May I?” The infant changes hands and Yifan balances him facedown on his forearm, tiny head cupped in his palm.
“The bouncing is good, but the position just puts him in more pain. This helps get the grassiness
out. A warm bath, too. How old is he? Is he being breastfed?”
“Nine weeks. And no,” the man says, arms now crossed. Yifan hums.
“You might want to consider changing his formula brand if he's still colicky this late. If he has symptoms for more than another three weeks, take him in for a checkup.” The man takes the baby back and steps into his own apartment, leaving Yifan to find Baekhyun. He puts the soup on the stove to warm up, then walks toward the back of the apartment.
There's a bathroom, an open guest room, and a closed door leading to what must be the master bedroom. Yifan knocks softly, calling Baekhyun’s name. He receives a soft grunt and figures it's safe to go in.
“Baekhyun-ssi?” no response, “my name is Wu Yifan; I'm a surgeon at the hospital. I know you've been having some personal trouble lately, so I brought you some soup. Do you want to get out of bed to eat it or do you want me to bring a bowl in here?”
“So what, did the psych people send you?” a gruff voice replies, “I'm not a charity case.” Yifan leans against the doorframe as he watches Baekhyun fight against the sheets on the bed.
“No, I work in the pediatrics department, although I do have a history with psychology. One of my OR nurses was talking about you a few days ago and mentioned how no one ever comes to get you or visit you when you're at the hospital. I figured that maybe the first step to helping you feel better would be giving you a friend. I can leave if you'd like me to, but I will come back.” There’s a pause and then a tuft of hair pops up from the mass on the bed.
“What...what kind of soup?” Yifan smiles and flicks on the lamp, making Baekhyun hiss.
“Pork dumpling. My mother’s. C’mon, it should be warm by now.” Yifan leaves the room, letting Baekhyun follow on his own terms. When he finally sees the younger man, he’s shocked by how small and gaunt he is. Yifan just smiles and sets two bowls on the rickety kitchen table.
“I didn’t put much in there, because I’m not sure how long ago you ate.” Baekhyun laughs hollowly and drops into a chair.
“Neither am I,” he says quietly, nimble fingers gripping the chopsticks shakily. Yifan nudges the bowl closer to him before picking up his own chopsticks and digging in. After a minute, Baekhyun follows suit. Yifan doesn't miss the way that he has to force himself to swallow around the dumpling, but, to his surprise, Baekhyun eats everything in the bowl. The older man takes both bowls off the table and washes them before putting the rest of the soup in Baekhyun’s fridge.
“Okay, now be honest. Why are you really here? Did Minseok call you from that psych ward he was talking about last week?” Yifan pulls out his wallet and slides his hospital ID over the table. It clearly lists his name and position as the head of pediatric surgery. Baekhyun huffs and drops back into the chair, wincing when his bony shoulders hit the wood.
“So it was Kyungsoo then. He works in your ER; he could've easily put you up to it. Whatever. It doesn't matter. You’ll stop trying in a few weeks anyway, and then I can die in peace.” Yifan sucks in a sharp breath, trying not to think of when Yixing said the same thing to him. It doesn't work very well.
“I'll give you space then. I have a double shift tomorrow, but I'll come to see you on Thursday. We can talk more then.” The surgeon grabs his coat and nods to Baekhyun before taking his leave.
True to his word, Yifan continues visiting Baekhyun whenever he can over the next few weeks. Slowly, the boy gains weight and stops hissing in pain whenever the lights are on. He still won’t eat anything other than soup and absolutely no carbs, but it’s progress nonetheless.
“Why are you so adamant about this?” Baekhyun asks during Yifan’s fourth week of visits. The older man sighs and pauses the movie they’re watching. He supposes that Baekhyun does deserve to know just what his motivation for starting all this was.
“There was a person I was with near the end of med school. He was...an amazing person. I knew that he had a lot of issues with depression, anxiety, a lot of the same things that you’re facing, and I did the best that I could to be there for him, and we thought it was working, that he was getting better,” Yifan takes a deep breath and looks at his hands, “I knew he took a dip, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until he was already gone. He’s the reason I left psychology for surgery. It was too raw at the time. I heard about you, about how you were in the hospital every other week, and it just got to me. No one deserves to feel like they shouldn’t exist, no matter who they are. You didn’t have anyone to show you that, so I wanted to be that person for you.” When Yifan finally looks up at Baekhyun, the younger man’s face is closed off.
“I think you should leave now,” he says coldly, tugging the remote out of the surgeon’s grip and replacing it with his jacket.
“I - Baekhyun - I think you misunderstood,” Yifan protests as he’s pushed toward the door.
“I understood perfectly.” The door slams in Yifan’s face. He stands in the hallway, stunned, and thinks that he can hear sobbing through the heavy wood.
“Baekhyun, c’mon, open up! Let me explain!” he pleads. Baekhyun screams a muffled curse and Yifan can feel the slam of a door. He hopes it’s the bedroom and not the bathroom.
“Is everything alright?” Yifan turns to see Minseok and his partner Kyungsoo, holding baby Sehun, in their doorway. Yifan suddenly feels bed for the yelling when he sees how fussy the three month old is.
“I hope so,” he says forlornly, “I said something that made him upset and he kicked me out.” Kyungsoo sighs and gently hands the baby off to Minseok.
“Go get some sleep, Dr. Wu,” he says, stepping forward and digging the key out of his pocket, “I’ll keep an eye on Baekhyunnie.” Yifan frowns, but he knows it’s the best course of action, so he thanks the couple and takes his leave, promising himself that he’ll call in the morning (and buy Minseok and Kyungsoo breakfast one of these days).
It takes two weeks for Baekhyun to answer his door. Yifan had given up calling after the third day of rejected calls, and had taken to knocking instead. More than once, he heard Baekhyun behind the wood, but it took an entire fortnight for it to unlock.
“I’m not a charity case,” the younger says as soon as they’re sitting on the couch.
“No, you’re not,” Yifan agrees immediately. He’s pleased to see that Baekhyun doesn’t look any thinner than he had the last time. In fact, he almost looks a bit healthier. Kyungsoo must have been forcing him to eat. Yifan is glad.
“I didn’t tell you about Yixing to make you feel like a charity case or an obligation. Yes, I started helping you because I didn’t want you to leave like he did, but it was never a case of projection. I don’t know if you realize it, but the nurses and staff at the ER love you. It’s been over a month since you’ve been in there and they’re so happy that they haven’t seen you because it means that you’re doing better. After Yixing...I told myself I would help anyone through this stuff that I could. I feel like I gave you the wrong impression by saying that, but I need you to trust me when I say that I want you here for you, not for Yixing.” Baekhyun’s lip is trembling and he sets his tea down on the table.
“Even if it’s not for me,” he starts, taking a deep breath, “even if you're saving me for him...I've never had someone who wanted me here so much.” He falls into Yifan’s chest and the surgeon hugs him tightly.
“Would you like to meet him?” he hears himself ask, and there's not even a pause before Baekhyun nods.
As soon as they've both calmed down, Yifan leads Baekhyun down to his car. He’s fairly certain it's the first time the boy has properly seen sunlight in years. The cemetery where Yixing is buried is nearly an hour away. Baekhyun sits with his head turned away, staring out the window.
“I threw everything away,” he says after a while, “the razors and pills and stuff. And I put a lock on my cabinet of cleaning supplies that only Minseok has the code to. He never comes over so it’s fine.”
“Do you know why he doesn't?”
“No. Kyungsoo wouldn't tell me. Do you?” Yifan hums in assent.
“He told me a few weeks ago, when I treated Sehun for extended colic. Minseok found his younger brother drowned in a bathtub about two years ago, and then the two of them walked in on you bloody and unconscious less than a week later. They never told you because they didn't want to trigger you, but Kyungsoo doesn't let Minseok come over unless he's positive you're okay because he doesn't think hyung could handle it a third time.” Baekhyun doesn’t respond. A few minutes later, Yifan pulls over near some small shops and alights. He tells Baekhyun to stay in the car and returns just a few minutes later with a bouquet of astilbe flowers. The cemetery is just another few miles away and it isn’t until they’re actually at the gravesite that Baekhyun speaks again.
“I never knew,” he says quietly, “I never knew hyung had a brother.” Yifan smiles tightly and leads the way.
Yixing’s buried in the far back corner of a Catholic cemetery. It’s the only place that would let them bury him in a cemetery, and that’s all down to Yifan’s coworker, Jongdae. There’s an old picture frame leaning against the headstone and Yifan places the bouquet next to it. Baekhyun crouches down, gently picking up the frame.
“He was stunning.” Yifan hums in agreement.
“He would’ve loved to have known you,” he says quietly. He sniffles then and Yifan glances over to see tears filling the younger man’s eyes.
“I didn’t think about this part when I made all the attempts. It’s just a stone and a picture frame a-and it’s so fucking sad.” A few tears slide down Baekhyun’s cheeks and he allows himself to be tucked into Yifan’s side.
“We’ll help you,” Yifan promises, “we’ll help you.”
End of the Fic Author’s Note: Minseok’s brother is Joonmyeon.
Author: writersstudy
Title: Curiosity
Words: 2104 words
Rating: R
Warnings: mentions of/thoughts of suicide and suicidal actions, past/broken!Kris/Lay
Summary: Yifan saves lives. Baekhyun wants to end his.
Yifan almost feels guilty about snooping through the file of a patient that isn't his, but he's heard so many rumors about Byun Baekhyun. The nurses always talk about how gorgeous he could be if he wanted to, but he doesn't, because he wants to die instead. Baekhyun ends up in their ER at least once a week, but always checks himself out as soon as he can. Yifan’s never met him - Baekhyun is twenty two and Yifan is a pediatric surgeon - but the rumors are enough to make him want to do something. He had pulled up Baekhyun’s file during a break and copied down his address. And now here he stands, pot of Chinese dumpling soup in hand, knocking on Byun Baekhyun’s door.
“He's not going to answer it,” a voice says from behind him and Yifan nearly jumps out of his skin. The man is standing in the doorway of the apartment across the hall with a baby sleeping fitfully on his shoulder. He bounces as he walks, hand digging a key out of his pocket. The lock clicks and the man’s attention turns back to the infant, hand soothing down his back.
“Baekhyun’s probably in bed. If you'll excuse me, I have to get him down for his nap before my partner gets home.” Yifan nods in thanks and steps inside the apartment.
“He's colicky,” the man raises an eyebrow, “the baby. May I?” The infant changes hands and Yifan balances him facedown on his forearm, tiny head cupped in his palm.
“The bouncing is good, but the position just puts him in more pain. This helps get the grassiness
out. A warm bath, too. How old is he? Is he being breastfed?”
“Nine weeks. And no,” the man says, arms now crossed. Yifan hums.
“You might want to consider changing his formula brand if he's still colicky this late. If he has symptoms for more than another three weeks, take him in for a checkup.” The man takes the baby back and steps into his own apartment, leaving Yifan to find Baekhyun. He puts the soup on the stove to warm up, then walks toward the back of the apartment.
There's a bathroom, an open guest room, and a closed door leading to what must be the master bedroom. Yifan knocks softly, calling Baekhyun’s name. He receives a soft grunt and figures it's safe to go in.
“Baekhyun-ssi?” no response, “my name is Wu Yifan; I'm a surgeon at the hospital. I know you've been having some personal trouble lately, so I brought you some soup. Do you want to get out of bed to eat it or do you want me to bring a bowl in here?”
“So what, did the psych people send you?” a gruff voice replies, “I'm not a charity case.” Yifan leans against the doorframe as he watches Baekhyun fight against the sheets on the bed.
“No, I work in the pediatrics department, although I do have a history with psychology. One of my OR nurses was talking about you a few days ago and mentioned how no one ever comes to get you or visit you when you're at the hospital. I figured that maybe the first step to helping you feel better would be giving you a friend. I can leave if you'd like me to, but I will come back.” There’s a pause and then a tuft of hair pops up from the mass on the bed.
“What...what kind of soup?” Yifan smiles and flicks on the lamp, making Baekhyun hiss.
“Pork dumpling. My mother’s. C’mon, it should be warm by now.” Yifan leaves the room, letting Baekhyun follow on his own terms. When he finally sees the younger man, he’s shocked by how small and gaunt he is. Yifan just smiles and sets two bowls on the rickety kitchen table.
“I didn’t put much in there, because I’m not sure how long ago you ate.” Baekhyun laughs hollowly and drops into a chair.
“Neither am I,” he says quietly, nimble fingers gripping the chopsticks shakily. Yifan nudges the bowl closer to him before picking up his own chopsticks and digging in. After a minute, Baekhyun follows suit. Yifan doesn't miss the way that he has to force himself to swallow around the dumpling, but, to his surprise, Baekhyun eats everything in the bowl. The older man takes both bowls off the table and washes them before putting the rest of the soup in Baekhyun’s fridge.
“Okay, now be honest. Why are you really here? Did Minseok call you from that psych ward he was talking about last week?” Yifan pulls out his wallet and slides his hospital ID over the table. It clearly lists his name and position as the head of pediatric surgery. Baekhyun huffs and drops back into the chair, wincing when his bony shoulders hit the wood.
“So it was Kyungsoo then. He works in your ER; he could've easily put you up to it. Whatever. It doesn't matter. You’ll stop trying in a few weeks anyway, and then I can die in peace.” Yifan sucks in a sharp breath, trying not to think of when Yixing said the same thing to him. It doesn't work very well.
“I'll give you space then. I have a double shift tomorrow, but I'll come to see you on Thursday. We can talk more then.” The surgeon grabs his coat and nods to Baekhyun before taking his leave.
True to his word, Yifan continues visiting Baekhyun whenever he can over the next few weeks. Slowly, the boy gains weight and stops hissing in pain whenever the lights are on. He still won’t eat anything other than soup and absolutely no carbs, but it’s progress nonetheless.
“Why are you so adamant about this?” Baekhyun asks during Yifan’s fourth week of visits. The older man sighs and pauses the movie they’re watching. He supposes that Baekhyun does deserve to know just what his motivation for starting all this was.
“There was a person I was with near the end of med school. He was...an amazing person. I knew that he had a lot of issues with depression, anxiety, a lot of the same things that you’re facing, and I did the best that I could to be there for him, and we thought it was working, that he was getting better,” Yifan takes a deep breath and looks at his hands, “I knew he took a dip, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until he was already gone. He’s the reason I left psychology for surgery. It was too raw at the time. I heard about you, about how you were in the hospital every other week, and it just got to me. No one deserves to feel like they shouldn’t exist, no matter who they are. You didn’t have anyone to show you that, so I wanted to be that person for you.” When Yifan finally looks up at Baekhyun, the younger man’s face is closed off.
“I think you should leave now,” he says coldly, tugging the remote out of the surgeon’s grip and replacing it with his jacket.
“I - Baekhyun - I think you misunderstood,” Yifan protests as he’s pushed toward the door.
“I understood perfectly.” The door slams in Yifan’s face. He stands in the hallway, stunned, and thinks that he can hear sobbing through the heavy wood.
“Baekhyun, c’mon, open up! Let me explain!” he pleads. Baekhyun screams a muffled curse and Yifan can feel the slam of a door. He hopes it’s the bedroom and not the bathroom.
“Is everything alright?” Yifan turns to see Minseok and his partner Kyungsoo, holding baby Sehun, in their doorway. Yifan suddenly feels bed for the yelling when he sees how fussy the three month old is.
“I hope so,” he says forlornly, “I said something that made him upset and he kicked me out.” Kyungsoo sighs and gently hands the baby off to Minseok.
“Go get some sleep, Dr. Wu,” he says, stepping forward and digging the key out of his pocket, “I’ll keep an eye on Baekhyunnie.” Yifan frowns, but he knows it’s the best course of action, so he thanks the couple and takes his leave, promising himself that he’ll call in the morning (and buy Minseok and Kyungsoo breakfast one of these days).
It takes two weeks for Baekhyun to answer his door. Yifan had given up calling after the third day of rejected calls, and had taken to knocking instead. More than once, he heard Baekhyun behind the wood, but it took an entire fortnight for it to unlock.
“I’m not a charity case,” the younger says as soon as they’re sitting on the couch.
“No, you’re not,” Yifan agrees immediately. He’s pleased to see that Baekhyun doesn’t look any thinner than he had the last time. In fact, he almost looks a bit healthier. Kyungsoo must have been forcing him to eat. Yifan is glad.
“I didn’t tell you about Yixing to make you feel like a charity case or an obligation. Yes, I started helping you because I didn’t want you to leave like he did, but it was never a case of projection. I don’t know if you realize it, but the nurses and staff at the ER love you. It’s been over a month since you’ve been in there and they’re so happy that they haven’t seen you because it means that you’re doing better. After Yixing...I told myself I would help anyone through this stuff that I could. I feel like I gave you the wrong impression by saying that, but I need you to trust me when I say that I want you here for you, not for Yixing.” Baekhyun’s lip is trembling and he sets his tea down on the table.
“Even if it’s not for me,” he starts, taking a deep breath, “even if you're saving me for him...I've never had someone who wanted me here so much.” He falls into Yifan’s chest and the surgeon hugs him tightly.
“Would you like to meet him?” he hears himself ask, and there's not even a pause before Baekhyun nods.
As soon as they've both calmed down, Yifan leads Baekhyun down to his car. He’s fairly certain it's the first time the boy has properly seen sunlight in years. The cemetery where Yixing is buried is nearly an hour away. Baekhyun sits with his head turned away, staring out the window.
“I threw everything away,” he says after a while, “the razors and pills and stuff. And I put a lock on my cabinet of cleaning supplies that only Minseok has the code to. He never comes over so it’s fine.”
“Do you know why he doesn't?”
“No. Kyungsoo wouldn't tell me. Do you?” Yifan hums in assent.
“He told me a few weeks ago, when I treated Sehun for extended colic. Minseok found his younger brother drowned in a bathtub about two years ago, and then the two of them walked in on you bloody and unconscious less than a week later. They never told you because they didn't want to trigger you, but Kyungsoo doesn't let Minseok come over unless he's positive you're okay because he doesn't think hyung could handle it a third time.” Baekhyun doesn’t respond. A few minutes later, Yifan pulls over near some small shops and alights. He tells Baekhyun to stay in the car and returns just a few minutes later with a bouquet of astilbe flowers. The cemetery is just another few miles away and it isn’t until they’re actually at the gravesite that Baekhyun speaks again.
“I never knew,” he says quietly, “I never knew hyung had a brother.” Yifan smiles tightly and leads the way.
Yixing’s buried in the far back corner of a Catholic cemetery. It’s the only place that would let them bury him in a cemetery, and that’s all down to Yifan’s coworker, Jongdae. There’s an old picture frame leaning against the headstone and Yifan places the bouquet next to it. Baekhyun crouches down, gently picking up the frame.
“He was stunning.” Yifan hums in agreement.
“He would’ve loved to have known you,” he says quietly. He sniffles then and Yifan glances over to see tears filling the younger man’s eyes.
“I didn’t think about this part when I made all the attempts. It’s just a stone and a picture frame a-and it’s so fucking sad.” A few tears slide down Baekhyun’s cheeks and he allows himself to be tucked into Yifan’s side.
“We’ll help you,” Yifan promises, “we’ll help you.”
End of the Fic Author’s Note: Minseok’s brother is Joonmyeon.