#106 With a Silent Hug
Prompt Number: #106
Author: shinealightrose
Title With a Silent Hug
Words: 7,050 words
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kris would do anything to pretend he’s just a normal guy looking for love. His career as a singer, actor, model though seems to get in the way.
Author’s Note: Thank you to whoever prompted this for it really inspired me to write Krisbaek like this. Also, a huge thanks to the mods for being so patient with me! Title is from Kris’ song Somewhere Only We Know.
I can see, your eyes are looking towards the sky
On a street without anybody, with a silent hug, love is quietly going ablaze
"Stop, here, please." Kris yawned as he asked the cab driver to pull over. The man squinted at him through the rear view mirror in surprise. Before he could ask, Kris told him again, "Yes, here is good, thank you."
The vehicle pulled over to the side, a darkened street, rundown and shady. In the daylight Kris would not be caught dead here, not coming as he usually dressed and looked. But tonight, he had forgone the designer clothes and shoes. With no makeup and unstyled hair, he pulled a snapback down low over his forehead, tugged a modest, nondescript leather-like jacket around his body and hunched his shoulders as he stepped out.
The cab sped off, and Kris was alone. He knew these back alleys. He knew them well. Or rather, he knew one path in particular that was a well-traveled haunt for whenever he came. About once every two or three weeks.
No one would recognize him here. Kris Wu, actor, model, singer, was no more. Tonight, he was just Wu Yifan, a man on a mission.
Three blocks straight, one turn to the right, a swerving curve to the left, past another block, and under the awning of a dilapidated looking storefront. He passed through the building, waved and received a wave from the friendly auntie who let him use the back door of her building. The storeroom gave way to a long, lowly lit hallway. Kris passed the bathrooms with a hand covering his mouth, then pushed into another room with a slightly better atmosphere.
Immediately the smell of food assaulted his senses. Kris sighed in relief, and his stomach rumbled. He stuck his head into the restaurant kitchen, and waited. It was a bustle of activity as cooks and their assistants crawled everywhere through the row of stovetops and counters, nearly a dozen employees once you counted the waiters running in and through the circus picking up plates and trays and carrying them away.
Less than a minute later, one of the cooks turned around and grinned.
"Kris! You made it," said the man.
Kris gave a crooked smile in return. "My table available?"
"For you? Always. Make yourself at home, I'll send you one of our most discreet waiters pronto." The man winked, and Kris got one quick look at that dimpled face before thanking him and stalking off through the restaurant.
It was his favorite place, of course. On Thursday nights whenever he was free, he came here to relax, to sit in one of the smaller dining areas with more than enough privacy and anonymity and eat a plate or two of one of Zhang Yixing's most famous dishes.
He found his table now, a quiet two-seater in a room behind partial curtains with only three small tables beside his. Two of them were occupied now. An elderly pair of ladies sat together over a pot of tea. A single older gentleman sat at the other table slurping a bowl of noodles.
Kris smiled. Always, the restaurant made sure to seat in here only people who would be unlikely to recognize him. He stared warily at the third, available table, but shrugged and decided Yixing would have seen to it already. He took a seat, pulled off his snapback, mussed his uncombed hair and opened the menu.
"Hello, sir, my name is Baekhyun. Can I get you a drink or an appetizer tonight?"
Through his lashes, Kris dared to look up, his face otherwise pointing down. Even at that angle, a stunning male vision of smooth skin, high cheekbones and a glorious smile beamed down at him. Baekhyun, as this waiter said his name, was chipper, gorgeous, but also very very young. Not exactly a fetus, but compared with the average customer age in the room currently, much too young. The kind of young Kris usually associated with the normal age of his crazed fans, the kind who would recognize someone like Kris, and that’s exactly why he didn’t go to restaurants on his own except the ones he felt comfortable in.
“Sir? A drink for you?”
Kris cleared his throat, still refusing to look up in case the man hadn’t yet recognized him. “I’m sorry, but would it be possible for me to speak to Zhang Yixing?”
“C-Chef?” Baekhyun startled. “I… of course, sir, I’ll bring him right away.”
The waiter bounded off with a little less spring and Kris breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed he hadn’t yet been recognized. Lucky he’d caught this so soon else this spot may have been ruined for life. He continued to read through the menu, eyeballing the same three dishes he always alternated ordering. In less than a minute Yixing was by his side, mercifully alone. He knelt down to put their heads on the same level and whispered.
“Kris? Is something the matter?”
“Yes,” Kris whispered back. “The waiter. I thought you promised me discretion when I came in this place.”
Yixing blinked, confused. “I’m so so sorry, Kris. Did he do or say anything? Baekhyun can be a little chatty to be sure, but I never thought he’d go so far to upset a customer-”
“It’s not that. He said nothing wrong,” Kris carefully explained. “It’s just, him… Yixing, I appreciate the older crowd you’ve put in here with me, but the waiter is young enough to know who I am. Yixing?”
The chef had begun to laugh, softly, with his hand covering his mouth.
“Uhhh?” Kris cocked his head to the right.
“Oh, Kris, you have nothing to worry about. Baekhyun’s not from around here, and he is honestly the most clueless person you’ll ever know when it comes to entertainment. Doesn’t know a thing about celebrities born in at least the last four decades. He’s a workaholic exchange student and never goes out. Last week a coworker asked him what he thought about the latest Fan Bingbing movie, and he’d never even heard of her. Kris, I think you’re safe.”
Yixing’s words reassured him only a little bit, but he allowed Yixing to leave and let Baekhyun come back to take his order. The waiter approached differently this time, as if worrying he did or said something wrong, and not because he recognized Kris. With that, Kris let himself be pacified and tried to smile. Baekhyun’s tentative return smile was shy but cute. Apart from curt discussions about the food, they did not converse. Still, Kris left a sizable tip on the table when he was done. He barely heard the waiter squawk at the amount before he was exiting the restaurant in the same direction in which he had come. Feeling mildly better about things, he went home straight away and after a small glass of wine, fell quickly to sleep. In that brief fluttering between wakefulness and the dead, he wondered-startling himself as he thought it-if he would dream about that waiter tonight.
He didn’t.
Two weeks passed before Kris found time to return to the restaurant. This time, as always, he was seated in his favorite backroom alcove. And this time, just like his most recent visit, Baekhyun was there.
“We meet again,” said the waiter with obvious favor.
Kris eyed him covertly from beneath the snapback he refused to remove from his head. It seemed almost like a trap. Wasn’t that how fans typically cornered him? Acting polite and dazed, and then suddenly they turned rabid? Baekhyun, however, was merely smiling. With his crisp white shirt and black pants, a black apron tied around around his waist, he waited with all the patience of a server and Kris had to remind himself to calm down and act normal. This is just Baekhyun, the waiter Yixing assured Kris wouldn’t even recognize his name.
“Uhh, yes,” he grumbled loudly.
Baekhyun blinked. A few seconds later, when Baekhyun had not responded other than to look slightly affronted, Kris flashed him the barest glimmers of a smile. That seemed to do the trick.
“Well then, welcome back. What can I get you to drink?”
For years, Kris had been mentally trained to second-guess any question asked of him. Simple orders like what he wanted to drink could mean something else entirely. Like, where do you live and can I come home with you? Aren’t you a famous celebrity and can I sleep with you tonight?
Okay, perhaps that was a little too advanced for the average occasion, but it had happened before.
“Water, thank you.”
Even Kris had to grimace at how bland he was making himself sound. Outwardly though, his answer didn’t appear to faze the waiter. Baekhyun grinned and promised to return shortly, turned delicately on his heels and he scurried away. It was an accident that Kris just happened to be staring after him, in the general vicinity of the waiter’s ass, when the man, hearing his named called out by another server, turned to check, and also caught Kris staring.
Immediately, Kris resumed staring at the table, menu before him like nothing was wrong. How stupid, how ridiculously, pitifully stupid! A trick of the light perhaps, that was it. Kris wasn’t suspect at all. He just… couldn’t help stare for those few precious seconds.
Because damn, Baekhyun had a very fine ass. And legs. And and smile.
Kris could barely dare to even look at his shoes for the rest of his meal. Pretending everything was normal, and refusing to answer questions whether something was wrong with his food, Kris ate fast and left another enormous tip. Then, like all good would-be perverts feeling guilty about their thoughts, he ran for his life.
“You’re distracted,” said his friend one evening, barely a week later.
“What? I’m sorry, what did you say?”
Kyungsoo sighed. “Exactly. See, you aren’t even listening.”
Personally, Kris thought that was a semi-unfair statement. It had nothing to do with Kyungsoo whatever. In fact, Kris had spent the last two days pondering on whether or not he should accept a new role in a movie that his agency just put past his head. Acting, and the thought of acting, always took some time for Kris to warm up to. It was an important decision.
“I’m… thinking,” Kris uttered, stalling for time. He was supposed to be giving quality time to his longtime best friend, but honestly, this restaurant Kyungsoo picked out for them to quietly grab a bite to eat, wasn’t doing the trick.
“About?” Kyungsoo prodded. A sly smile crept up on his face, side-lined by a smirk, a particular Kyungsoo trademark. “What, have you met somebody and are too shy to tell me?”
“Huh? Oh. Of course, not,” he said a few seconds too late.
It was true. Totally, one hundred percent true.
“Really?”
“Really,” Kris insisted. True in the manner that no, in the previous seconds he hadn’t been thinking about anybody interesting. He really had been thinking about the potential movie part. So why then, did the sudden image of a pretty smile and shapely butt come into his mind…
He shook his head and fully intended to cross that thought out of his mind. If only he could also forget about this bland tasting food. His stomach, in that moment, craved another restaurant’s menu.
“You know, it wouldn’t be a bad thing,” said Kyungsoo after several more minutes, and several failed conversations, had passed.
“What wouldn’t be a bad thing?”
“If you started dating again.” Kyungsoo shrugged at Kris’ immediate look of confusion. “I’m just saying. It’s been, what, five years since you successfully had someone?”
“It hasn’t been that long-” Kris interjected scornfully.
Kyungsoo laughed, before pausing to take a long swig of his drink, then adding another bite of food to his mouth. He’d barely swallowed before continuing on, as if Kris wasn’t already pleading him to desist. “The odd hookup doesn’t count, Kris. I’m talking about settling down, getting all cozy and domestic.”
“You want me to get married?” Kris deadpanned.
Again, Kyungsoo laughed. “Well no, not right away. That would be weird.”
Kris nodded, content that this conversation was coming to an end. Kyungsoo had other ideas.
“But Kris, come on. You’re totally that kind of guy.”
Kris’ eyebrows went up. “‘That kind of guy,’” he quoted back to him.
Kyungsoo actually rolled his eyes. “You now what I’m talking about. You like the normal things. You like having somebody. I know it’s been five years and you haven’t gotten yourself a boy-” Kris automatically hissed and looked quickly around the restaurant. Kyungsoo sighed, then lowered his voice a whisper. “-a boyfriend because you’ve been so busy with your career. But lots of actors do actually find the time to have regular relationships, even outside of the public eye.”
“But…”
Kris was suddenly at a loss on how to continue protesting. Whatever he had to say, Kyungsoo knew it all anyways. He and Kyungsoo, like most of Kris’ current good friends, met years before when they were still fledgling rookie actors. Back during the days when they had no popularity to speak of, befriending people-dating people-wasn’t that hard. You met a person. You either liked them or you didn’t, and life moved on from there. Back then, Kris never had to worry if people cozied up to him just because he was famous. Too many relationships in the entertainment world worked like that, and the lack of genuine feelings had moved Kris many times to sickness. A ‘friend’ suddenly asking for favors, a ‘crush’ mentioning how cool it would be if Kris might… incidentally introduce him to someone important.
The number of people Kris had met and gotten close to in the intervening years was small. Kyungsoo, Yixing, and the last boy Kris had been in a serious relationship with, all came from before. Since then… Kris only had acquaintances, people whose company he enjoyed, but he never really let them into his life. Not into the personal, private part of it anyways.
Kyungsoo was still looking at him. Oh sure, he could manage to nonchalantly eat his dinner, but his eyes still roved too and fro and every time they landed on Kris’ face, Kris felt his thoughts.
“I know what you mean…” he conceded finally. “It’s just, hard, okay?”
His last hookup had been a celebrity. The one before that had been a stylist already in the industry. Both were men who could be trusted to maintain Kris’ privacy, but the problem is that Kris didn’t actually feel anything for them. He trusted them to enough to have a quick lay, but not when it came to his heart.
He missed having a boyfriend. What Kyungsoo said was true.
“You don’t really know anyone you like? Even halfway like?” Kyungsoo asked.
“Not really. I guess, no.” Even as he said, Kris’ mind was imagining someone else. An impossible dream though, surely.
“Not even one, huh?” said Kyungsoo with half of a smirk.
Kris didn’t bother responding.
He did, however, show up again at the restaurant the following Thursday, his usual night.
Yixing met him coming on his way down the back entrance hallway. Kris almost felt guilty for giving him the usual friendly smile, as if he wasn’t here to dine for a more… self-serving reason.
“Back so soon?” his friend quipped.
Kris hung his head, grateful for the shadows in this part of the restaurant that kept his reddening cheeks, hopefully, from showing.
“Guess so.”
He was here later than usual actually. The restaurant would be open barely an hour more. And that in itself wasn’t so usual, for Kris’ schedule was hectic and sporadic, and it shouldn’t give Yixing pause, except today, Kris’ old friend seemed to stop and judge him just a little longer than necessary.
“You should have called ahead of time.”
“What? Why?” Kris’ heart immediately began to pulse. “Is Baekhyun not here today?”
Internally, he groaned. That was not what he meant to say, damnit.
“Is Baekhyun…?” Yixing couldn’t even repeat his question all the way through before he started to laugh.
“I meant, is my table occupied or something?” Kris tried to mend his slip.
Still, Yixing laughed. His chuckle was soft and full of merriment, something Kris couldn’t be annoyed about, other than the fact he’d made a major goof and now risked being seen right through like glass.
His friend finally stopped, a hand massaging his own throat, like that would stifle his laughter, a large grin still on his face. “Your table’s fine. The host knows to never seat anywhere there on a Thursday night, just in case you show up. I meant to say, if I had known you were coming today definitely, I’d have let that poor boy know ahead of time so he could prepare.”
“Huh?”
Kris felt his eyebrows go through the roof.
“Baekhyun, yeah. I swear he’s got something of a crush on you. Keeps asking me who that mysterious diner is-”
“You don’t think he suspects?” Kris quickly asked, his heart rate beginning to race again for a different reason this time.
“No, no. Course he doesn’t,” Yixing reassured him. “Like I said, the kid’s got no clue. But Kris,” he lowers his voice conspiratorially, “it’s kind of obvious…”
“What is?” Kris whispered back, the two of them leaning towards the other in the middle of the hallway.
“That he finds you exceedingly hot.”
Yixing righted himself and then laughed, long and hard. Kris wanted to take offense to his tone. Yixing was working as a waiter in a different restaurant long before Kris was famous and Yixing got a better job. In all that time, Kris’ looks had been a subject for Yixing’s jokes.
‘You clean up good, Kris. Shame how your fans will never know what an actual slob you are when you’re not behind the cameras.’
Kris scowled and made to walk away before Yixing could tackle him about his made-up good looks. The downfall to having long term best friends, like Yixing, like Kyungsoo, is that they know all your weaknesses, old and new. Like how much time Kris has to put into his daily skin care routine, how his hair, without treatment, is naturally too oily, and how he’d never dress nicely without a housekeeper who comes in twice a week to wash and press his clothes. Perhaps there was something, after all, to meeting new people who had yet to experience Kris in his natural habitat.
Baekhyun met Kris promptly at his usual table. They exchanged menus, Kris ordered his meal. He stared extra hard at the tabletop when Baekhyun walked away, challenging himself not to be crude and start staring again. It seemed most of his efforts were put to good use, for this time Kris managed to relax and not worry about whether his waiter or the restaurant’s fellow patrons would recognize him. He also spent a great deal of time observing different paintings in the room, art he suspected had always been there but he’d never truly looked at before. Something with ducks… flying. Another with ducks swimming over a pond. Scintillating material painted with… who knows what, from an art style Kris of course could not name, but…. if he accidentally from time to time considered Baekhyun to be quite above any of that artwork, and probably better suited to be appreciated than ducks, it wasn’t intentional. Almost.
Because he couldn’t help noticing, however much he tried, was how Baekhyun seemed to treat him. Although Kris spoke to the waiter with nothing more than polite courtesy, and received thus in return, there was still a palpable tension in the air. Perhaps it was Yixing putting thoughts into his imagination. If Baekhyun thought Kris was ‘exceedingly hot’ he didn’t show it with words or even looks. He was the picture of professionalism, and yet… Kris was not immune to the strange presence between them, no doubt brought on by his own knowledge of a secret confession he should not have known.
Baekhyun’s voice, lulling Kris into order a dessert had taken on an almost magical quality before Kris even realized what he was doing.
“Is there time? Isn’t the restaurant about to close?”
The waiter chuckled politely, his hands clasped loosely in front of his apron. “Oh, I’m sure there is. The kitchen will be open for-” Baekhyun started to drone on, just as Kris stopped him.
Offering an unusually forward smile, tight-lipped but genuine, Kris leaned back in his chair and stared straight into Baekhyun’s eyes. The response was immediate. The waiter’s lips froze mid-sentence. “For… for…” Then he shut his mouth entirely and his eyes blinked furiously a couple times.
“The kitchen closes in five minutes, doesn’t it?” Kris offered.
Baekhyun, suddenly pliant, nodded to confirm.
“And you get off in five minutes.” This time, Kris did not phrase it as a question.
There was more hesitation this time, but Baekhyun nodded again before quickly offering an apologetic smile. “I…” he began. Like before he could not finish his sentence, not under the full weight of Kris’s stare.
Kris had been told more than once about his movie-style good looks and charm. Not for nothing was he one of China’s biggest rising stars. With all the modeling jobs, movie roles and a mini-album-the single of which was still being played on the radios, on television, and in department stores across the country-it was amazing anyone of Baekhyun’s age would truly not know who he was. In another person that might have bruises Kris’ burgeoning ego, but here he found it refreshing.
He also found himself thinking about Kyungsoo’s suggestion that he just get out in the world, and date.
“I’d hate to be disloyal to the restaurant,” Kris considered his words slowly, carefully, “but aren’t there some late-night cafes open in the area? Would you… would you like to go… to one… with me?”
They went out the back entrance of course. Kris waited in the dark hallway outside the employee changing room for Baekhyun to clock out and reemerge in regular clothes. Baekhyun, now in jeans and a bland, overlarge sweatshirt, ran a hand sheepishly through his hair when Kris saw him, a shy smile blooming on this face.
“So…” his voice was just short of warbling.
“After you,” said Kris, his hand leading the way. As Baekhyun stepped forward, he touched his other hand gently to the back of Baekhyun’s shoulders. The shorter man flinched almost imperceptibly, and Kris dropped his arm.
“Do you know where you want to go?” asked Baekhyun, when they stood out on the street looking almost nervous. Whether because of the alleyway they stood in or because they were sort of on a date, Kris didn’t know, but he lead them quickly towards one of the brighter streets to put Baekhyun at ease. Just to be safe though, he tipped his snapback lower over his forehead in the hopes it would disguise his face.
“Some place that serves coffee or dessert?”
Baekhyun quickly pointed to a cafe that fit the description. Inside the lights were blaring strong, the whole front a wall of glass windows. Even at this hour of the night it was half-packed.
“Uhhh, how about somewhere a little less… busy?” Kris murmured.
Baekhyun laughed, the first sound that suggested he may actually have a sense of humor. “Less busy. Okay, I know a place on the next block that should fit the description. Although I have to warn you, if you’re looking for a place with private booths and dark alcoves just to make out in, I’ll tell you now, I don’t put out until at least the second date.”
He flashed Kris a smile as they walked, briskly against the wind, his arms wrapped around his middle.
“Second date?” Kris puzzled, amused.
“Or the tenth. I’m picky like that.”
“The tenth, huh?”
“Yeah.” They exchanged a quick smile and continued walking. Though they shared the sidewalk with a few other couples, Kris saw no one take a good glance at him. He was still relieved when they reached the cafe Baekhyun had chosen and it was indeed less packed, and just a bit dim. Keeping his head down he hunched over the glass case by the register as they picked out what to eat. He ordered coffee, and Baekhyun tea. By the time they sat down, Kris with his back to most of the cafe, he sighed.
Baekhyun sat down and gave him a funny smile.
“You’re a little weird, you know that?” The way he said it though sounded like he didn’t mind.
“Weird how?”
“I don’t know. The way you walk, I guess. Do you always go around with your head down? I mean, I’ve met some people who are really tall and for some reason they try to make themselves smaller by doing that.”
“I-I do that?” Kris feigned innocence.
Baekhyun grinned. “It’s alright. It’s kind of cute.”
Kris met his eyes at the same time Baekhyun blushed a delicate shade of pink. Thankfully breaking the awkwardness, the barista behind the counter chose that moment to announce the completion of their drinks.
“I’ll get them!” Baekhyun immediately shot up. Kris minded himself for the few seconds he was gone, hoping his own cheeks were not as red as they felt. As far as first dates went, this was pretty decent so far. He checked his watch. It had been only ten minutes since they left the restaurant. Fifteen since he’d technically asked Baekhyun out. Plenty of more time for this night to go wrong, and they still hadn’t crossed that hurdle of what Kris did for a living. Somehow, if Kris answered with ‘minor celebrity’ that might beg the question and lead to more details. On the other hand, though Kris really didn’t want to lie, he was also enjoying the fact that Baekhyun had no idea who he was, no preconceptions about Kris or his lifestyle. It had been years since he had gotten to enjoy having something like this. A few more dates wouldn’t hurt anything, right?
Several days later, it seemed Kyungsoo didn’t agree.
“You told him you were still in school?!”
Kris hadn’t hung his head more since his and Baekhyun’s first date whenever they walked under a lamppost.
“It’s kind of true…” Kris was partially enrolled in one of the city colleges taking a course on live drama to improve his acting skills. His agency had insisted. Even though he rarely attended in person, he could still tune in to the live simulcasts and show up on the rare days when he was required to act.
That didn’t make his omission any less of a lie. Next time, Kris thought. Next time, there would definitely be an opportunity to talk about it. After all, he and Baekhyun had just met. What if they decided after a few more dates that they were incompatible after all and then what would be the point of Kris having ever said something?
Except that Kris didn’t tell him on the second date. Nor did he mention it on the third.
Baekhyun, true to what Yixing had hinted at, barely had time to spend large swaths of time with Kris. Their dates were usually late at night after Baekhyun was done with his shift at the restaurant. Sometimes Kris met him on a dark street corner outside the second job Baekhyun worked at the supermarket. They walked the streets together and talked over cups of hot drinks or pastries, Kris throwing his diet to the wind because this… this was nice.
“God… I’ve been dying for something sweet,” said Baekhyun, nearly drooling over a French dessert, half of it falling off the little plastic fork he was using to shovel it into his mouth.
Kris beamed unabashedly at him, probably with little hearts streaming out of his eyes. It was hard not to look at Baekhyun with anything less than wonder.
“I take it you like it?” Kris had brought them to a place he knew, trusting in the late hour so the place was nearly deserted.
“Yesss,” mumbled Baekhyun, food in his mouth. Even like this, he managed to close his lips around the dessert and smile across the table.
They couldn’t stay out late because Baekhyun had an early morning class the next day. Kris had yet to find out where Baekhyun lived since they always parted midway, but that didn’t bother him. This dating thing, taking their sweet time, was starting to grow on him. Everything Kyungsoo had said about Kris enjoying the ‘normal life’, it was true. But getting to date normally, getting to date a man so casually, wasn’t something Kris would take for granted.
“I had a feeling you’d like this place.”
“Four dates, Kris, and you already know me so well. I think I’ll keep you if you don’t mind.”
Kris smiled even wider. It didn’t seem necessary to use words to communicate his assent, for Baekhyun did not require them. Outside of his role as a waiter, he was chatty and personable. He filled the blanks between Kris’ awkward statements-and the holes in Kris’ background-with an ease Kris hadn’t known possible. He was filled with smiles, and while not overly clingy, he possessed all the traits of a potential, touchy boyfriend, which Kris liked.
The way he leaned across the table now and let his fingers graze across the back of Kris’ hand was one such sign. It wasn’t demonstrative, and it wasn’t showy. In the company of other patrons or passers-by on the street, Baekhyun did not try to touch him at all. But there were little moments like this which Kris was beginning to cherish.
He had such lovely hands. Kris’ gaze was drawn to them, the soft pads of Baekhyun’s fingers over the rough back of his hand. His hand twitched, and Baekhyun looked down too. Kris flexed his hand, fingers elongating just as Baekhyun wedged his finger tips in between Kris’ knuckles.
Baekhyun chuckled, and Kris blushed.
“Wanna walk me home today?” Baekhyun asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I’ll even let you kiss me goodnight if you want.”
Of course it wasn’t going to last. Kyungsoo had warned him time and time again. Yixing had been so bold as to ask one night if Kris was ever going to tell him. Kris waved off both of their concerns away with a promise of soon, soon. For a celebrity like him to be caught dating, and caught dating a man, would be big news. It was a precarious situation which didn’t technically hinge around Baekhyun knowing who Kris was, but still Kris was hesitant. Would Baekhyun look at him differently if he knew? What if something happened and people found out, would Baekhyun’s life suddenly change?
Interestingly, Kris worried almost less about himself facing the consequences of their relationship, and more about Baekhyun’s perceptions moving forward. The one bonus to the media catching wind of them, a male-male couple, was that Kris could always play it off as platonic friendship. He knew, however, from gay acquaintances in the industry, that that explanation didn’t automatically fly well with the other party. And by date night number nine, Kris was starting to worry that his opportunity for sharing the truth had long since passed.
“You look tired,” said Baekhyun. His characteristic smile was faded with concern. Like all their dates, it was late at night. The light drizzle that hung over the city had given way to a strong burst of showers. They huddled together under an awning in front of a bookstore waiting for it to pass.
“A little,” said Kris, yawning. He’d started the read-throughs for his next movie role today, and the meeting with the cast and writers had gone late. Kris almost canceled their dinner date, but after two months together he could not bare the idea of not seeing Baekhyun that night.
Baekhyun shuffled even further into Kris’ side. They had but one umbrella between them, which did little to keep their clothes from being splattered. Kris didn’t mind the closeness.
“I think it’s letting up,” said Baekhyun.
“Is it? I don’t know….” Kris intentionally wavered. He used the opportunity to draw his arm around Baekhyun’s back to hold them together, confident that there was no one on the street but the random car, and no one in the store front window behind them to see. He heard Baekhyun’s muffled laughter in the crook of his arm. Then the small man shifted until they were facing each other, slipped his back arm around Yifan’s waist and used his front hand to pull down their umbrella.
“Kiss me while we wait?” he whispered huskily into Kris’ ear.
And just like that, the rain coming down, hidden by their umbrella, Baekhyun’s sweet breath dusting the skin of Kris’ lips, Kris tightened his hold and kissed him hard. Baekhyun was never so pliant under such attention. He was silent, but his body spoke for him. With eyes shut, he kissed back whatever Kris gave to him, a rough dance of tongues they’d been perfecting for weeks. He tasted like tea and the last dessert they shared.
“Kris,” Baekhyun gasped when they parted for barely a moment. Then Baekhyun drew their lips together once more, this time emboldened to place his hand along jaw and chin, driving the motion of Kris’ head to his whims.
When they broke apart, Kris obviously flustered, Baekhyun looking pleased, they didn’t move the umbrella. Instead, Baekhyun stared over Kris’ face with a gleam in his eyes. “You kiss like a dream, you know that?”
“Do I?” asked Kris as he tried to summon his trademark glamor. Most of the time it fell just short of hot, bordering on cheesy instead. Whatever his success this time, Baekhyun did not seem to mind.
“Y-yeah.”
As if he were embarrassed, Baekhyun shoved his head into Yifan’s coat, burying his face and nuzzling in. It was perfect. They were so perfect together. They could converse, they could kiss, they routinely made time to see the other. Two months may not be long on the lifetime spectrum, but it was a better start than Kris had ever hoped to have again.
“Hey, Baekhyun?”
“Hmm?” came a small whimper from the folds of his jacket. Baekhyun refused to look up. Instead he turned his head around to face the window, safe from whatever teasing look Kris wanted to give.
Kris laughed. He could have giggled at this right amount of perfection and cuteness that was the guy he was dating, Baekhyun.
But then Baekhyun’s head shifted a few more inches to the back, and Kris saw something that made his heart stammer and give out.
Baekhyun froze in his hold, soft chuckles gone, perfectly silent as he stared at the store window. There, on the showcase magazine racks of the bookstore was Kris’ face. And not just his face, but his name as well, emblazoned on the front cover of China’s Vogue magazine.
Slowly, as if Kris’ world was not suddenly crashing down, Baekhyun straightened his body, pulled the remaining fractious inches away from Kris, and stared at the magazine.
“I… what…?” he said softly.
Kris closed his eyes and bit his lip, heartbreak already settling in. Guilt already overpowering that.
“That’s your face,” Baekhyun stated matter-of-factly. “That’s your face… that’s you.”
Kris peeked, but Baekhyun was still not looking at him directly. “I, do some modeling.”
“You do some modeling,” Baekhyun repeated blankly. “That’s Vogue magazine. How do you just do some modeling. I thought you were a student.”
Kris swallowed heavily before answering, “I am kind of… but, that’s… that’s secondary I guess to-”
“To what? Modeling? So, what, you’re a renowned model, so good that you made the cover of Vogue magazine? Why didn’t you tell me? We’ve been seeing each other for two months. Anytime in those two months you could have been like, ‘Hey, Baekhyun, why are you so stupid as to not know my face. I’m Kris Wu, sexy-as-fuck model’. What the fuck, Kris, why didn’t you tell me?” He was looking at him now, full on incredulous and moving towards pissed.
A whole host of scenarios ran through Kris’ mind, most of them worse than the one before. ‘I didn’t think it was important.’ ‘I kind of hoped you’d never find out.’ ‘I liked you being innocent of who I am.’ The knowledge, however, that Baekhyun would hate every one of those answers, and also that Kyungsoo would kill him for them later, made him stop.
He said instead, “I’m an actor too.”
Baekhyun’s pupils, unbelievably, grew larger against his eyes.
“And a singer.”
“A singer…”
“I have a mini album. And I’m filming a movie right now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I… I’m not accustomed to people not recognizing who I am, and when I met you, Yixing said you probably wouldn’t know who I was and that was just so astounding and exciting because for years I’ve had people following me around, stalkers, etcetera, but you were different and-”
“Hang on, hang on, hang on.” Baekhyun threw out his hands, jaw crooked on his face as he took this in. “You’re a celebrity. An actual celebrity, and Yixing knew, but neither of you said anything?! You just played me and-Fuck, Kris, I thought you were just a friend of Yixing’s who didn’t like crowded restaurants and that’s why he saved you your favorite table. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?!”
“I…”
“It’s been two months!”
“I know.”
“So what, you know. What am I supposed to think now?”
He moved to take a step away. Instinctively, Kris stepped forward to keep him close, but Baekhyun threw out his arms again, practically flailing. It was still raining, not as hard as before, but Baekhyun’s clothes started to gather the fallen raindrops, bolstered by the wind. Kris moved his umbrella to block most of it. Instead, Baekhyun’s arm hit the handle, the umbrella slipped from Kris’ grasp and fell to the ground.
It only took that little thing to make Baekhyun stop and pause. He stared at the fallen umbrella with sallow eyes and a sinking expression. Kris’ hands itched to touch him, but for once he did not dare. He deserved this moment, every little bit of it, so much that he refused to make a move until it seemed like Baekhyun was ready to listen.
“Were you going to tell me?” asked Baekhyun after a few more minutes. His voice had gone soft, the fight in him was gone. He sounded as weary as he looked.
“I was. I really was, but.” He could not finish that thought, his voice catching in his throat.
“Are you even allowed to see someone like me? Like, don’t you have rules you’re supposed to follow?”
“I’m not an idol. I don’t have dating restrictions.”
“But you have fans, right? That’s why you only go with me to certain places, because you’re hiding the fact that you’re… that we’re together?
“I’m hiding the fact that we like each other because it’s no one’s business except ours!” He was unable to keep the desperation out of his tone. Baekhyun, momentarily chastised, took another step back. But he did not run away. He blinked his eyes furiously and ran a hand through his bangs, which were steadily growing damp. A few droplets clung to his cheek and he rubbed those away too. They looked like tears, except that Baekhyun’s eyes were dry. He was more stunned than anything else. Hurt, obviously, but shocked to the point where he’d almost run out of words.
“You should have told me…”
Kris heaved a great breath, closed his eyes, and slowly let it out. “Baekhyun, I can explain, really I can. I wasn’t playing you. I just, wasn’t ready to share you with the world yet. I wanted us to get to know each other first. I wanted you to learn about me, first, and not person everyone else just thinks I am. Baekhyun, I’m so sorry. Truly, I am.”
“You don’t have to apol--” Baekhyun spoke softly before stopping. Then he restarted with greater deliberation. “I mean, what am I saying? You do have to apologize. You should definitely apologize. But I get it, I think, what you’re saying. I just… need a minute to think things through.”
“I’ll give you all the time you need,” said Kris hastily. “All the time for you for to accept my apologize and forgive me, just please… don’t shut me out?”
Baekhyun could not give him an answer that evening. He could in fact barely look at Kris in the eye. Instead, Kris let him stand on the sidewalk, then after retrieving the umbrella, held it over his head, and he let the rain do the rest of the talking while Baekhyun mulled over what he’d just learned.
“I’ll… call you in a few days, okay?” he told Kris.
It wasn’t what Kris wanted to hear, but he would have to accept that.
He went around in a slump for the next few days. He barely answered Kyungsoo’s calls, telling him only that Kyungsoo had been right, but after listening to his friend rant then try to calm him down, he refused all efforts to be placated. Every time he looked at his phone, there were no new messages, no missed calls. Once, he walked by the restaurant where Baekhyun worked. He turned around quickly before he could be tempted.
Two days stretched into three, then four, then five. Still Baekhyun did not call him.
On the sixth day though, it happened.
“Meet me at the usual corner?” asked Baekhyun with a small voice. “10 o’clock?”
It would have been their tenth date. And no, after the events of the week, Baekhyun still did not put out. But his smile when Kris saw him standing there was pretty, and his wave was gentle. And the silent hug Baekhyun greeted him with, melting into Kris’ front like he’d never been anywhere else… that spoke volumes.
Author: shinealightrose
Title With a Silent Hug
Words: 7,050 words
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kris would do anything to pretend he’s just a normal guy looking for love. His career as a singer, actor, model though seems to get in the way.
Author’s Note: Thank you to whoever prompted this for it really inspired me to write Krisbaek like this. Also, a huge thanks to the mods for being so patient with me! Title is from Kris’ song Somewhere Only We Know.
I can see, your eyes are looking towards the sky
On a street without anybody, with a silent hug, love is quietly going ablaze
"Stop, here, please." Kris yawned as he asked the cab driver to pull over. The man squinted at him through the rear view mirror in surprise. Before he could ask, Kris told him again, "Yes, here is good, thank you."
The vehicle pulled over to the side, a darkened street, rundown and shady. In the daylight Kris would not be caught dead here, not coming as he usually dressed and looked. But tonight, he had forgone the designer clothes and shoes. With no makeup and unstyled hair, he pulled a snapback down low over his forehead, tugged a modest, nondescript leather-like jacket around his body and hunched his shoulders as he stepped out.
The cab sped off, and Kris was alone. He knew these back alleys. He knew them well. Or rather, he knew one path in particular that was a well-traveled haunt for whenever he came. About once every two or three weeks.
No one would recognize him here. Kris Wu, actor, model, singer, was no more. Tonight, he was just Wu Yifan, a man on a mission.
Three blocks straight, one turn to the right, a swerving curve to the left, past another block, and under the awning of a dilapidated looking storefront. He passed through the building, waved and received a wave from the friendly auntie who let him use the back door of her building. The storeroom gave way to a long, lowly lit hallway. Kris passed the bathrooms with a hand covering his mouth, then pushed into another room with a slightly better atmosphere.
Immediately the smell of food assaulted his senses. Kris sighed in relief, and his stomach rumbled. He stuck his head into the restaurant kitchen, and waited. It was a bustle of activity as cooks and their assistants crawled everywhere through the row of stovetops and counters, nearly a dozen employees once you counted the waiters running in and through the circus picking up plates and trays and carrying them away.
Less than a minute later, one of the cooks turned around and grinned.
"Kris! You made it," said the man.
Kris gave a crooked smile in return. "My table available?"
"For you? Always. Make yourself at home, I'll send you one of our most discreet waiters pronto." The man winked, and Kris got one quick look at that dimpled face before thanking him and stalking off through the restaurant.
It was his favorite place, of course. On Thursday nights whenever he was free, he came here to relax, to sit in one of the smaller dining areas with more than enough privacy and anonymity and eat a plate or two of one of Zhang Yixing's most famous dishes.
He found his table now, a quiet two-seater in a room behind partial curtains with only three small tables beside his. Two of them were occupied now. An elderly pair of ladies sat together over a pot of tea. A single older gentleman sat at the other table slurping a bowl of noodles.
Kris smiled. Always, the restaurant made sure to seat in here only people who would be unlikely to recognize him. He stared warily at the third, available table, but shrugged and decided Yixing would have seen to it already. He took a seat, pulled off his snapback, mussed his uncombed hair and opened the menu.
"Hello, sir, my name is Baekhyun. Can I get you a drink or an appetizer tonight?"
Through his lashes, Kris dared to look up, his face otherwise pointing down. Even at that angle, a stunning male vision of smooth skin, high cheekbones and a glorious smile beamed down at him. Baekhyun, as this waiter said his name, was chipper, gorgeous, but also very very young. Not exactly a fetus, but compared with the average customer age in the room currently, much too young. The kind of young Kris usually associated with the normal age of his crazed fans, the kind who would recognize someone like Kris, and that’s exactly why he didn’t go to restaurants on his own except the ones he felt comfortable in.
“Sir? A drink for you?”
Kris cleared his throat, still refusing to look up in case the man hadn’t yet recognized him. “I’m sorry, but would it be possible for me to speak to Zhang Yixing?”
“C-Chef?” Baekhyun startled. “I… of course, sir, I’ll bring him right away.”
The waiter bounded off with a little less spring and Kris breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed he hadn’t yet been recognized. Lucky he’d caught this so soon else this spot may have been ruined for life. He continued to read through the menu, eyeballing the same three dishes he always alternated ordering. In less than a minute Yixing was by his side, mercifully alone. He knelt down to put their heads on the same level and whispered.
“Kris? Is something the matter?”
“Yes,” Kris whispered back. “The waiter. I thought you promised me discretion when I came in this place.”
Yixing blinked, confused. “I’m so so sorry, Kris. Did he do or say anything? Baekhyun can be a little chatty to be sure, but I never thought he’d go so far to upset a customer-”
“It’s not that. He said nothing wrong,” Kris carefully explained. “It’s just, him… Yixing, I appreciate the older crowd you’ve put in here with me, but the waiter is young enough to know who I am. Yixing?”
The chef had begun to laugh, softly, with his hand covering his mouth.
“Uhhh?” Kris cocked his head to the right.
“Oh, Kris, you have nothing to worry about. Baekhyun’s not from around here, and he is honestly the most clueless person you’ll ever know when it comes to entertainment. Doesn’t know a thing about celebrities born in at least the last four decades. He’s a workaholic exchange student and never goes out. Last week a coworker asked him what he thought about the latest Fan Bingbing movie, and he’d never even heard of her. Kris, I think you’re safe.”
Yixing’s words reassured him only a little bit, but he allowed Yixing to leave and let Baekhyun come back to take his order. The waiter approached differently this time, as if worrying he did or said something wrong, and not because he recognized Kris. With that, Kris let himself be pacified and tried to smile. Baekhyun’s tentative return smile was shy but cute. Apart from curt discussions about the food, they did not converse. Still, Kris left a sizable tip on the table when he was done. He barely heard the waiter squawk at the amount before he was exiting the restaurant in the same direction in which he had come. Feeling mildly better about things, he went home straight away and after a small glass of wine, fell quickly to sleep. In that brief fluttering between wakefulness and the dead, he wondered-startling himself as he thought it-if he would dream about that waiter tonight.
He didn’t.
Two weeks passed before Kris found time to return to the restaurant. This time, as always, he was seated in his favorite backroom alcove. And this time, just like his most recent visit, Baekhyun was there.
“We meet again,” said the waiter with obvious favor.
Kris eyed him covertly from beneath the snapback he refused to remove from his head. It seemed almost like a trap. Wasn’t that how fans typically cornered him? Acting polite and dazed, and then suddenly they turned rabid? Baekhyun, however, was merely smiling. With his crisp white shirt and black pants, a black apron tied around around his waist, he waited with all the patience of a server and Kris had to remind himself to calm down and act normal. This is just Baekhyun, the waiter Yixing assured Kris wouldn’t even recognize his name.
“Uhh, yes,” he grumbled loudly.
Baekhyun blinked. A few seconds later, when Baekhyun had not responded other than to look slightly affronted, Kris flashed him the barest glimmers of a smile. That seemed to do the trick.
“Well then, welcome back. What can I get you to drink?”
For years, Kris had been mentally trained to second-guess any question asked of him. Simple orders like what he wanted to drink could mean something else entirely. Like, where do you live and can I come home with you? Aren’t you a famous celebrity and can I sleep with you tonight?
Okay, perhaps that was a little too advanced for the average occasion, but it had happened before.
“Water, thank you.”
Even Kris had to grimace at how bland he was making himself sound. Outwardly though, his answer didn’t appear to faze the waiter. Baekhyun grinned and promised to return shortly, turned delicately on his heels and he scurried away. It was an accident that Kris just happened to be staring after him, in the general vicinity of the waiter’s ass, when the man, hearing his named called out by another server, turned to check, and also caught Kris staring.
Immediately, Kris resumed staring at the table, menu before him like nothing was wrong. How stupid, how ridiculously, pitifully stupid! A trick of the light perhaps, that was it. Kris wasn’t suspect at all. He just… couldn’t help stare for those few precious seconds.
Because damn, Baekhyun had a very fine ass. And legs. And and smile.
Kris could barely dare to even look at his shoes for the rest of his meal. Pretending everything was normal, and refusing to answer questions whether something was wrong with his food, Kris ate fast and left another enormous tip. Then, like all good would-be perverts feeling guilty about their thoughts, he ran for his life.
“You’re distracted,” said his friend one evening, barely a week later.
“What? I’m sorry, what did you say?”
Kyungsoo sighed. “Exactly. See, you aren’t even listening.”
Personally, Kris thought that was a semi-unfair statement. It had nothing to do with Kyungsoo whatever. In fact, Kris had spent the last two days pondering on whether or not he should accept a new role in a movie that his agency just put past his head. Acting, and the thought of acting, always took some time for Kris to warm up to. It was an important decision.
“I’m… thinking,” Kris uttered, stalling for time. He was supposed to be giving quality time to his longtime best friend, but honestly, this restaurant Kyungsoo picked out for them to quietly grab a bite to eat, wasn’t doing the trick.
“About?” Kyungsoo prodded. A sly smile crept up on his face, side-lined by a smirk, a particular Kyungsoo trademark. “What, have you met somebody and are too shy to tell me?”
“Huh? Oh. Of course, not,” he said a few seconds too late.
It was true. Totally, one hundred percent true.
“Really?”
“Really,” Kris insisted. True in the manner that no, in the previous seconds he hadn’t been thinking about anybody interesting. He really had been thinking about the potential movie part. So why then, did the sudden image of a pretty smile and shapely butt come into his mind…
He shook his head and fully intended to cross that thought out of his mind. If only he could also forget about this bland tasting food. His stomach, in that moment, craved another restaurant’s menu.
“You know, it wouldn’t be a bad thing,” said Kyungsoo after several more minutes, and several failed conversations, had passed.
“What wouldn’t be a bad thing?”
“If you started dating again.” Kyungsoo shrugged at Kris’ immediate look of confusion. “I’m just saying. It’s been, what, five years since you successfully had someone?”
“It hasn’t been that long-” Kris interjected scornfully.
Kyungsoo laughed, before pausing to take a long swig of his drink, then adding another bite of food to his mouth. He’d barely swallowed before continuing on, as if Kris wasn’t already pleading him to desist. “The odd hookup doesn’t count, Kris. I’m talking about settling down, getting all cozy and domestic.”
“You want me to get married?” Kris deadpanned.
Again, Kyungsoo laughed. “Well no, not right away. That would be weird.”
Kris nodded, content that this conversation was coming to an end. Kyungsoo had other ideas.
“But Kris, come on. You’re totally that kind of guy.”
Kris’ eyebrows went up. “‘That kind of guy,’” he quoted back to him.
Kyungsoo actually rolled his eyes. “You now what I’m talking about. You like the normal things. You like having somebody. I know it’s been five years and you haven’t gotten yourself a boy-” Kris automatically hissed and looked quickly around the restaurant. Kyungsoo sighed, then lowered his voice a whisper. “-a boyfriend because you’ve been so busy with your career. But lots of actors do actually find the time to have regular relationships, even outside of the public eye.”
“But…”
Kris was suddenly at a loss on how to continue protesting. Whatever he had to say, Kyungsoo knew it all anyways. He and Kyungsoo, like most of Kris’ current good friends, met years before when they were still fledgling rookie actors. Back during the days when they had no popularity to speak of, befriending people-dating people-wasn’t that hard. You met a person. You either liked them or you didn’t, and life moved on from there. Back then, Kris never had to worry if people cozied up to him just because he was famous. Too many relationships in the entertainment world worked like that, and the lack of genuine feelings had moved Kris many times to sickness. A ‘friend’ suddenly asking for favors, a ‘crush’ mentioning how cool it would be if Kris might… incidentally introduce him to someone important.
The number of people Kris had met and gotten close to in the intervening years was small. Kyungsoo, Yixing, and the last boy Kris had been in a serious relationship with, all came from before. Since then… Kris only had acquaintances, people whose company he enjoyed, but he never really let them into his life. Not into the personal, private part of it anyways.
Kyungsoo was still looking at him. Oh sure, he could manage to nonchalantly eat his dinner, but his eyes still roved too and fro and every time they landed on Kris’ face, Kris felt his thoughts.
“I know what you mean…” he conceded finally. “It’s just, hard, okay?”
His last hookup had been a celebrity. The one before that had been a stylist already in the industry. Both were men who could be trusted to maintain Kris’ privacy, but the problem is that Kris didn’t actually feel anything for them. He trusted them to enough to have a quick lay, but not when it came to his heart.
He missed having a boyfriend. What Kyungsoo said was true.
“You don’t really know anyone you like? Even halfway like?” Kyungsoo asked.
“Not really. I guess, no.” Even as he said, Kris’ mind was imagining someone else. An impossible dream though, surely.
“Not even one, huh?” said Kyungsoo with half of a smirk.
Kris didn’t bother responding.
He did, however, show up again at the restaurant the following Thursday, his usual night.
Yixing met him coming on his way down the back entrance hallway. Kris almost felt guilty for giving him the usual friendly smile, as if he wasn’t here to dine for a more… self-serving reason.
“Back so soon?” his friend quipped.
Kris hung his head, grateful for the shadows in this part of the restaurant that kept his reddening cheeks, hopefully, from showing.
“Guess so.”
He was here later than usual actually. The restaurant would be open barely an hour more. And that in itself wasn’t so usual, for Kris’ schedule was hectic and sporadic, and it shouldn’t give Yixing pause, except today, Kris’ old friend seemed to stop and judge him just a little longer than necessary.
“You should have called ahead of time.”
“What? Why?” Kris’ heart immediately began to pulse. “Is Baekhyun not here today?”
Internally, he groaned. That was not what he meant to say, damnit.
“Is Baekhyun…?” Yixing couldn’t even repeat his question all the way through before he started to laugh.
“I meant, is my table occupied or something?” Kris tried to mend his slip.
Still, Yixing laughed. His chuckle was soft and full of merriment, something Kris couldn’t be annoyed about, other than the fact he’d made a major goof and now risked being seen right through like glass.
His friend finally stopped, a hand massaging his own throat, like that would stifle his laughter, a large grin still on his face. “Your table’s fine. The host knows to never seat anywhere there on a Thursday night, just in case you show up. I meant to say, if I had known you were coming today definitely, I’d have let that poor boy know ahead of time so he could prepare.”
“Huh?”
Kris felt his eyebrows go through the roof.
“Baekhyun, yeah. I swear he’s got something of a crush on you. Keeps asking me who that mysterious diner is-”
“You don’t think he suspects?” Kris quickly asked, his heart rate beginning to race again for a different reason this time.
“No, no. Course he doesn’t,” Yixing reassured him. “Like I said, the kid’s got no clue. But Kris,” he lowers his voice conspiratorially, “it’s kind of obvious…”
“What is?” Kris whispered back, the two of them leaning towards the other in the middle of the hallway.
“That he finds you exceedingly hot.”
Yixing righted himself and then laughed, long and hard. Kris wanted to take offense to his tone. Yixing was working as a waiter in a different restaurant long before Kris was famous and Yixing got a better job. In all that time, Kris’ looks had been a subject for Yixing’s jokes.
‘You clean up good, Kris. Shame how your fans will never know what an actual slob you are when you’re not behind the cameras.’
Kris scowled and made to walk away before Yixing could tackle him about his made-up good looks. The downfall to having long term best friends, like Yixing, like Kyungsoo, is that they know all your weaknesses, old and new. Like how much time Kris has to put into his daily skin care routine, how his hair, without treatment, is naturally too oily, and how he’d never dress nicely without a housekeeper who comes in twice a week to wash and press his clothes. Perhaps there was something, after all, to meeting new people who had yet to experience Kris in his natural habitat.
Baekhyun met Kris promptly at his usual table. They exchanged menus, Kris ordered his meal. He stared extra hard at the tabletop when Baekhyun walked away, challenging himself not to be crude and start staring again. It seemed most of his efforts were put to good use, for this time Kris managed to relax and not worry about whether his waiter or the restaurant’s fellow patrons would recognize him. He also spent a great deal of time observing different paintings in the room, art he suspected had always been there but he’d never truly looked at before. Something with ducks… flying. Another with ducks swimming over a pond. Scintillating material painted with… who knows what, from an art style Kris of course could not name, but…. if he accidentally from time to time considered Baekhyun to be quite above any of that artwork, and probably better suited to be appreciated than ducks, it wasn’t intentional. Almost.
Because he couldn’t help noticing, however much he tried, was how Baekhyun seemed to treat him. Although Kris spoke to the waiter with nothing more than polite courtesy, and received thus in return, there was still a palpable tension in the air. Perhaps it was Yixing putting thoughts into his imagination. If Baekhyun thought Kris was ‘exceedingly hot’ he didn’t show it with words or even looks. He was the picture of professionalism, and yet… Kris was not immune to the strange presence between them, no doubt brought on by his own knowledge of a secret confession he should not have known.
Baekhyun’s voice, lulling Kris into order a dessert had taken on an almost magical quality before Kris even realized what he was doing.
“Is there time? Isn’t the restaurant about to close?”
The waiter chuckled politely, his hands clasped loosely in front of his apron. “Oh, I’m sure there is. The kitchen will be open for-” Baekhyun started to drone on, just as Kris stopped him.
Offering an unusually forward smile, tight-lipped but genuine, Kris leaned back in his chair and stared straight into Baekhyun’s eyes. The response was immediate. The waiter’s lips froze mid-sentence. “For… for…” Then he shut his mouth entirely and his eyes blinked furiously a couple times.
“The kitchen closes in five minutes, doesn’t it?” Kris offered.
Baekhyun, suddenly pliant, nodded to confirm.
“And you get off in five minutes.” This time, Kris did not phrase it as a question.
There was more hesitation this time, but Baekhyun nodded again before quickly offering an apologetic smile. “I…” he began. Like before he could not finish his sentence, not under the full weight of Kris’s stare.
Kris had been told more than once about his movie-style good looks and charm. Not for nothing was he one of China’s biggest rising stars. With all the modeling jobs, movie roles and a mini-album-the single of which was still being played on the radios, on television, and in department stores across the country-it was amazing anyone of Baekhyun’s age would truly not know who he was. In another person that might have bruises Kris’ burgeoning ego, but here he found it refreshing.
He also found himself thinking about Kyungsoo’s suggestion that he just get out in the world, and date.
“I’d hate to be disloyal to the restaurant,” Kris considered his words slowly, carefully, “but aren’t there some late-night cafes open in the area? Would you… would you like to go… to one… with me?”
They went out the back entrance of course. Kris waited in the dark hallway outside the employee changing room for Baekhyun to clock out and reemerge in regular clothes. Baekhyun, now in jeans and a bland, overlarge sweatshirt, ran a hand sheepishly through his hair when Kris saw him, a shy smile blooming on this face.
“So…” his voice was just short of warbling.
“After you,” said Kris, his hand leading the way. As Baekhyun stepped forward, he touched his other hand gently to the back of Baekhyun’s shoulders. The shorter man flinched almost imperceptibly, and Kris dropped his arm.
“Do you know where you want to go?” asked Baekhyun, when they stood out on the street looking almost nervous. Whether because of the alleyway they stood in or because they were sort of on a date, Kris didn’t know, but he lead them quickly towards one of the brighter streets to put Baekhyun at ease. Just to be safe though, he tipped his snapback lower over his forehead in the hopes it would disguise his face.
“Some place that serves coffee or dessert?”
Baekhyun quickly pointed to a cafe that fit the description. Inside the lights were blaring strong, the whole front a wall of glass windows. Even at this hour of the night it was half-packed.
“Uhhh, how about somewhere a little less… busy?” Kris murmured.
Baekhyun laughed, the first sound that suggested he may actually have a sense of humor. “Less busy. Okay, I know a place on the next block that should fit the description. Although I have to warn you, if you’re looking for a place with private booths and dark alcoves just to make out in, I’ll tell you now, I don’t put out until at least the second date.”
He flashed Kris a smile as they walked, briskly against the wind, his arms wrapped around his middle.
“Second date?” Kris puzzled, amused.
“Or the tenth. I’m picky like that.”
“The tenth, huh?”
“Yeah.” They exchanged a quick smile and continued walking. Though they shared the sidewalk with a few other couples, Kris saw no one take a good glance at him. He was still relieved when they reached the cafe Baekhyun had chosen and it was indeed less packed, and just a bit dim. Keeping his head down he hunched over the glass case by the register as they picked out what to eat. He ordered coffee, and Baekhyun tea. By the time they sat down, Kris with his back to most of the cafe, he sighed.
Baekhyun sat down and gave him a funny smile.
“You’re a little weird, you know that?” The way he said it though sounded like he didn’t mind.
“Weird how?”
“I don’t know. The way you walk, I guess. Do you always go around with your head down? I mean, I’ve met some people who are really tall and for some reason they try to make themselves smaller by doing that.”
“I-I do that?” Kris feigned innocence.
Baekhyun grinned. “It’s alright. It’s kind of cute.”
Kris met his eyes at the same time Baekhyun blushed a delicate shade of pink. Thankfully breaking the awkwardness, the barista behind the counter chose that moment to announce the completion of their drinks.
“I’ll get them!” Baekhyun immediately shot up. Kris minded himself for the few seconds he was gone, hoping his own cheeks were not as red as they felt. As far as first dates went, this was pretty decent so far. He checked his watch. It had been only ten minutes since they left the restaurant. Fifteen since he’d technically asked Baekhyun out. Plenty of more time for this night to go wrong, and they still hadn’t crossed that hurdle of what Kris did for a living. Somehow, if Kris answered with ‘minor celebrity’ that might beg the question and lead to more details. On the other hand, though Kris really didn’t want to lie, he was also enjoying the fact that Baekhyun had no idea who he was, no preconceptions about Kris or his lifestyle. It had been years since he had gotten to enjoy having something like this. A few more dates wouldn’t hurt anything, right?
Several days later, it seemed Kyungsoo didn’t agree.
“You told him you were still in school?!”
Kris hadn’t hung his head more since his and Baekhyun’s first date whenever they walked under a lamppost.
“It’s kind of true…” Kris was partially enrolled in one of the city colleges taking a course on live drama to improve his acting skills. His agency had insisted. Even though he rarely attended in person, he could still tune in to the live simulcasts and show up on the rare days when he was required to act.
That didn’t make his omission any less of a lie. Next time, Kris thought. Next time, there would definitely be an opportunity to talk about it. After all, he and Baekhyun had just met. What if they decided after a few more dates that they were incompatible after all and then what would be the point of Kris having ever said something?
Except that Kris didn’t tell him on the second date. Nor did he mention it on the third.
Baekhyun, true to what Yixing had hinted at, barely had time to spend large swaths of time with Kris. Their dates were usually late at night after Baekhyun was done with his shift at the restaurant. Sometimes Kris met him on a dark street corner outside the second job Baekhyun worked at the supermarket. They walked the streets together and talked over cups of hot drinks or pastries, Kris throwing his diet to the wind because this… this was nice.
“God… I’ve been dying for something sweet,” said Baekhyun, nearly drooling over a French dessert, half of it falling off the little plastic fork he was using to shovel it into his mouth.
Kris beamed unabashedly at him, probably with little hearts streaming out of his eyes. It was hard not to look at Baekhyun with anything less than wonder.
“I take it you like it?” Kris had brought them to a place he knew, trusting in the late hour so the place was nearly deserted.
“Yesss,” mumbled Baekhyun, food in his mouth. Even like this, he managed to close his lips around the dessert and smile across the table.
They couldn’t stay out late because Baekhyun had an early morning class the next day. Kris had yet to find out where Baekhyun lived since they always parted midway, but that didn’t bother him. This dating thing, taking their sweet time, was starting to grow on him. Everything Kyungsoo had said about Kris enjoying the ‘normal life’, it was true. But getting to date normally, getting to date a man so casually, wasn’t something Kris would take for granted.
“I had a feeling you’d like this place.”
“Four dates, Kris, and you already know me so well. I think I’ll keep you if you don’t mind.”
Kris smiled even wider. It didn’t seem necessary to use words to communicate his assent, for Baekhyun did not require them. Outside of his role as a waiter, he was chatty and personable. He filled the blanks between Kris’ awkward statements-and the holes in Kris’ background-with an ease Kris hadn’t known possible. He was filled with smiles, and while not overly clingy, he possessed all the traits of a potential, touchy boyfriend, which Kris liked.
The way he leaned across the table now and let his fingers graze across the back of Kris’ hand was one such sign. It wasn’t demonstrative, and it wasn’t showy. In the company of other patrons or passers-by on the street, Baekhyun did not try to touch him at all. But there were little moments like this which Kris was beginning to cherish.
He had such lovely hands. Kris’ gaze was drawn to them, the soft pads of Baekhyun’s fingers over the rough back of his hand. His hand twitched, and Baekhyun looked down too. Kris flexed his hand, fingers elongating just as Baekhyun wedged his finger tips in between Kris’ knuckles.
Baekhyun chuckled, and Kris blushed.
“Wanna walk me home today?” Baekhyun asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I’ll even let you kiss me goodnight if you want.”
Of course it wasn’t going to last. Kyungsoo had warned him time and time again. Yixing had been so bold as to ask one night if Kris was ever going to tell him. Kris waved off both of their concerns away with a promise of soon, soon. For a celebrity like him to be caught dating, and caught dating a man, would be big news. It was a precarious situation which didn’t technically hinge around Baekhyun knowing who Kris was, but still Kris was hesitant. Would Baekhyun look at him differently if he knew? What if something happened and people found out, would Baekhyun’s life suddenly change?
Interestingly, Kris worried almost less about himself facing the consequences of their relationship, and more about Baekhyun’s perceptions moving forward. The one bonus to the media catching wind of them, a male-male couple, was that Kris could always play it off as platonic friendship. He knew, however, from gay acquaintances in the industry, that that explanation didn’t automatically fly well with the other party. And by date night number nine, Kris was starting to worry that his opportunity for sharing the truth had long since passed.
“You look tired,” said Baekhyun. His characteristic smile was faded with concern. Like all their dates, it was late at night. The light drizzle that hung over the city had given way to a strong burst of showers. They huddled together under an awning in front of a bookstore waiting for it to pass.
“A little,” said Kris, yawning. He’d started the read-throughs for his next movie role today, and the meeting with the cast and writers had gone late. Kris almost canceled their dinner date, but after two months together he could not bare the idea of not seeing Baekhyun that night.
Baekhyun shuffled even further into Kris’ side. They had but one umbrella between them, which did little to keep their clothes from being splattered. Kris didn’t mind the closeness.
“I think it’s letting up,” said Baekhyun.
“Is it? I don’t know….” Kris intentionally wavered. He used the opportunity to draw his arm around Baekhyun’s back to hold them together, confident that there was no one on the street but the random car, and no one in the store front window behind them to see. He heard Baekhyun’s muffled laughter in the crook of his arm. Then the small man shifted until they were facing each other, slipped his back arm around Yifan’s waist and used his front hand to pull down their umbrella.
“Kiss me while we wait?” he whispered huskily into Kris’ ear.
And just like that, the rain coming down, hidden by their umbrella, Baekhyun’s sweet breath dusting the skin of Kris’ lips, Kris tightened his hold and kissed him hard. Baekhyun was never so pliant under such attention. He was silent, but his body spoke for him. With eyes shut, he kissed back whatever Kris gave to him, a rough dance of tongues they’d been perfecting for weeks. He tasted like tea and the last dessert they shared.
“Kris,” Baekhyun gasped when they parted for barely a moment. Then Baekhyun drew their lips together once more, this time emboldened to place his hand along jaw and chin, driving the motion of Kris’ head to his whims.
When they broke apart, Kris obviously flustered, Baekhyun looking pleased, they didn’t move the umbrella. Instead, Baekhyun stared over Kris’ face with a gleam in his eyes. “You kiss like a dream, you know that?”
“Do I?” asked Kris as he tried to summon his trademark glamor. Most of the time it fell just short of hot, bordering on cheesy instead. Whatever his success this time, Baekhyun did not seem to mind.
“Y-yeah.”
As if he were embarrassed, Baekhyun shoved his head into Yifan’s coat, burying his face and nuzzling in. It was perfect. They were so perfect together. They could converse, they could kiss, they routinely made time to see the other. Two months may not be long on the lifetime spectrum, but it was a better start than Kris had ever hoped to have again.
“Hey, Baekhyun?”
“Hmm?” came a small whimper from the folds of his jacket. Baekhyun refused to look up. Instead he turned his head around to face the window, safe from whatever teasing look Kris wanted to give.
Kris laughed. He could have giggled at this right amount of perfection and cuteness that was the guy he was dating, Baekhyun.
But then Baekhyun’s head shifted a few more inches to the back, and Kris saw something that made his heart stammer and give out.
Baekhyun froze in his hold, soft chuckles gone, perfectly silent as he stared at the store window. There, on the showcase magazine racks of the bookstore was Kris’ face. And not just his face, but his name as well, emblazoned on the front cover of China’s Vogue magazine.
Slowly, as if Kris’ world was not suddenly crashing down, Baekhyun straightened his body, pulled the remaining fractious inches away from Kris, and stared at the magazine.
“I… what…?” he said softly.
Kris closed his eyes and bit his lip, heartbreak already settling in. Guilt already overpowering that.
“That’s your face,” Baekhyun stated matter-of-factly. “That’s your face… that’s you.”
Kris peeked, but Baekhyun was still not looking at him directly. “I, do some modeling.”
“You do some modeling,” Baekhyun repeated blankly. “That’s Vogue magazine. How do you just do some modeling. I thought you were a student.”
Kris swallowed heavily before answering, “I am kind of… but, that’s… that’s secondary I guess to-”
“To what? Modeling? So, what, you’re a renowned model, so good that you made the cover of Vogue magazine? Why didn’t you tell me? We’ve been seeing each other for two months. Anytime in those two months you could have been like, ‘Hey, Baekhyun, why are you so stupid as to not know my face. I’m Kris Wu, sexy-as-fuck model’. What the fuck, Kris, why didn’t you tell me?” He was looking at him now, full on incredulous and moving towards pissed.
A whole host of scenarios ran through Kris’ mind, most of them worse than the one before. ‘I didn’t think it was important.’ ‘I kind of hoped you’d never find out.’ ‘I liked you being innocent of who I am.’ The knowledge, however, that Baekhyun would hate every one of those answers, and also that Kyungsoo would kill him for them later, made him stop.
He said instead, “I’m an actor too.”
Baekhyun’s pupils, unbelievably, grew larger against his eyes.
“And a singer.”
“A singer…”
“I have a mini album. And I’m filming a movie right now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I… I’m not accustomed to people not recognizing who I am, and when I met you, Yixing said you probably wouldn’t know who I was and that was just so astounding and exciting because for years I’ve had people following me around, stalkers, etcetera, but you were different and-”
“Hang on, hang on, hang on.” Baekhyun threw out his hands, jaw crooked on his face as he took this in. “You’re a celebrity. An actual celebrity, and Yixing knew, but neither of you said anything?! You just played me and-Fuck, Kris, I thought you were just a friend of Yixing’s who didn’t like crowded restaurants and that’s why he saved you your favorite table. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?!”
“I…”
“It’s been two months!”
“I know.”
“So what, you know. What am I supposed to think now?”
He moved to take a step away. Instinctively, Kris stepped forward to keep him close, but Baekhyun threw out his arms again, practically flailing. It was still raining, not as hard as before, but Baekhyun’s clothes started to gather the fallen raindrops, bolstered by the wind. Kris moved his umbrella to block most of it. Instead, Baekhyun’s arm hit the handle, the umbrella slipped from Kris’ grasp and fell to the ground.
It only took that little thing to make Baekhyun stop and pause. He stared at the fallen umbrella with sallow eyes and a sinking expression. Kris’ hands itched to touch him, but for once he did not dare. He deserved this moment, every little bit of it, so much that he refused to make a move until it seemed like Baekhyun was ready to listen.
“Were you going to tell me?” asked Baekhyun after a few more minutes. His voice had gone soft, the fight in him was gone. He sounded as weary as he looked.
“I was. I really was, but.” He could not finish that thought, his voice catching in his throat.
“Are you even allowed to see someone like me? Like, don’t you have rules you’re supposed to follow?”
“I’m not an idol. I don’t have dating restrictions.”
“But you have fans, right? That’s why you only go with me to certain places, because you’re hiding the fact that you’re… that we’re together?
“I’m hiding the fact that we like each other because it’s no one’s business except ours!” He was unable to keep the desperation out of his tone. Baekhyun, momentarily chastised, took another step back. But he did not run away. He blinked his eyes furiously and ran a hand through his bangs, which were steadily growing damp. A few droplets clung to his cheek and he rubbed those away too. They looked like tears, except that Baekhyun’s eyes were dry. He was more stunned than anything else. Hurt, obviously, but shocked to the point where he’d almost run out of words.
“You should have told me…”
Kris heaved a great breath, closed his eyes, and slowly let it out. “Baekhyun, I can explain, really I can. I wasn’t playing you. I just, wasn’t ready to share you with the world yet. I wanted us to get to know each other first. I wanted you to learn about me, first, and not person everyone else just thinks I am. Baekhyun, I’m so sorry. Truly, I am.”
“You don’t have to apol--” Baekhyun spoke softly before stopping. Then he restarted with greater deliberation. “I mean, what am I saying? You do have to apologize. You should definitely apologize. But I get it, I think, what you’re saying. I just… need a minute to think things through.”
“I’ll give you all the time you need,” said Kris hastily. “All the time for you for to accept my apologize and forgive me, just please… don’t shut me out?”
Baekhyun could not give him an answer that evening. He could in fact barely look at Kris in the eye. Instead, Kris let him stand on the sidewalk, then after retrieving the umbrella, held it over his head, and he let the rain do the rest of the talking while Baekhyun mulled over what he’d just learned.
“I’ll… call you in a few days, okay?” he told Kris.
It wasn’t what Kris wanted to hear, but he would have to accept that.
He went around in a slump for the next few days. He barely answered Kyungsoo’s calls, telling him only that Kyungsoo had been right, but after listening to his friend rant then try to calm him down, he refused all efforts to be placated. Every time he looked at his phone, there were no new messages, no missed calls. Once, he walked by the restaurant where Baekhyun worked. He turned around quickly before he could be tempted.
Two days stretched into three, then four, then five. Still Baekhyun did not call him.
On the sixth day though, it happened.
“Meet me at the usual corner?” asked Baekhyun with a small voice. “10 o’clock?”
It would have been their tenth date. And no, after the events of the week, Baekhyun still did not put out. But his smile when Kris saw him standing there was pretty, and his wave was gentle. And the silent hug Baekhyun greeted him with, melting into Kris’ front like he’d never been anywhere else… that spoke volumes.