what a great song...thats about all the great there is..
well okay...im tired. I didnt sleep. hmm maybe thats the reason..but you know..it might not be.
sry Lauryn...mom was being a cow yesterday..uhh...oh and look at that..still is.
I would love to beat someone up right now...is anyone pissing someone off? ill fix em up for you..well...theyll probably beat me up but hey..i wont care.
I wanted to go watch movies yesterday...that would have been so fun. I was sick all day and all night..and then i took some meds to help me sleep and make my througt less painfull but now its back and 1000X worse. My head is also still throbing and pounding. It feels like someone is slicing my eyeballs and tearing and pulling at the veins in behind my eye sockets. And i want to shoot myself so it'll stop...ach. Mom said shed take me to polo...she hasnt. She took me to cotton ginny. ...*sarcastic yay*.
I tried on some cool pants...but i showed my mom and shes like..well they look to tight, i tried a shirt..uhh..it doesnt look like it fits. I used to squeeze compfortly into a medium...and i tried on a large. Then my mom tells me it looks to small...so yah you lie and tell me im getting skinnier cause i sure as hell arent. Fuck. I didnt get anything that was nice..wait...i didnt get anything.
So that was my well WAsteD day. I went shopping for my sisters presents, then didnt get a single thing my mom said we'd actually go for (aka shirts and a pair of pants that actually fit), didnt even go to the store she'd said we'd go to...GOD.
Well..at least the weathers nice. I Just lay on my bed...stare out my window and watch the rain come falling down. I hope it never dies. When the rain falls...it feels like everyone has gone away..the world disapears. I can hide behind its drops and patters on the roof. I cant stop it from falling...i love it.
It doesnt make coments to me, it doesnt say a word but its soothing. Its calming.
Its just lately ive been feeling like i dont belong, like i wasnt even supposed to be here. Like it was a mistake. I sat watching a flower. Even through the gloomiest of days under the rain, its sits there being the brightest thing in this world. So id like to be remembered as a happy person and not this fucking wreck i turned out to be. Remember the times when i would run around acting like a moron and having fun cause i didnt care. Remember those times we played around cause thats gone. That part of me has fadded away and has disappeared. It wont come back. Im helpless. Hopeless. I decided.
My parents were talking about me yesterday. Saying how they didnt understand me. How i was different and acted weird like this for a long time now.They dont know how to help me. They talked to each other like this for along time but were whispering. I heard what i just told you. Its just im here alone while theyre all out for a garage sale in linden woods or some rich place like that. My mom was crying yesterday saying it was her fault. She said she was a bad mother and my dad said it wasnt her..that this is just me. He said i have problems that should be dealt with..but i dont know what he meant by that. I feel bad. I cried. I dont understand...and neither does she.
To top it off...i heard my dad talking to my mom before we left to go shopping. He said that he applied to go to brandon, portage, dauphin and gimli for his work. See, they will do a draw thing where his work will see the biddings people did and they will pick them to go those places. But they only pick so many. And they pick over higher sinority. My dad isnt really high sinority. I asked my mom what would happen if dad got picked to go to brandon..i said " he'll come back though after work right" ...she said "no we'd move there if he got picked. He's not going to drive 2 hours there to come 2 hours back. The draw end on the 22nd..so thats when ill find out. Just thought you should know.
"I wish i could make up my mind and live for life, change my priorities..i ask myself...do i want to even be here in this wretched world?"...i ask you
sry Lauryn...mom was being a cow yesterday..uhh...oh and look at that..still is.
I would love to beat someone up right now...is anyone pissing someone off? ill fix em up for you..well...theyll probably beat me up but hey..i wont care.
I wanted to go watch movies yesterday...that would have been so fun. I was sick all day and all night..and then i took some meds to help me sleep and make my througt less painfull but now its back and 1000X worse. My head is also still throbing and pounding. It feels like someone is slicing my eyeballs and tearing and pulling at the veins in behind my eye sockets. And i want to shoot myself so it'll stop...ach. Mom said shed take me to polo...she hasnt. She took me to cotton ginny. ...*sarcastic yay*.
I tried on some cool pants...but i showed my mom and shes like..well they look to tight, i tried a shirt..uhh..it doesnt look like it fits. I used to squeeze compfortly into a medium...and i tried on a large. Then my mom tells me it looks to small...so yah you lie and tell me im getting skinnier cause i sure as hell arent. Fuck. I didnt get anything that was nice..wait...i didnt get anything.
So that was my well WAsteD day. I went shopping for my sisters presents, then didnt get a single thing my mom said we'd actually go for (aka shirts and a pair of pants that actually fit), didnt even go to the store she'd said we'd go to...GOD.
Well..at least the weathers nice. I Just lay on my bed...stare out my window and watch the rain come falling down. I hope it never dies. When the rain falls...it feels like everyone has gone away..the world disapears. I can hide behind its drops and patters on the roof. I cant stop it from falling...i love it.
It doesnt make coments to me, it doesnt say a word but its soothing. Its calming.
Its just lately ive been feeling like i dont belong, like i wasnt even supposed to be here. Like it was a mistake. I sat watching a flower. Even through the gloomiest of days under the rain, its sits there being the brightest thing in this world. So id like to be remembered as a happy person and not this fucking wreck i turned out to be. Remember the times when i would run around acting like a moron and having fun cause i didnt care. Remember those times we played around cause thats gone. That part of me has fadded away and has disappeared. It wont come back. Im helpless. Hopeless. I decided.
My parents were talking about me yesterday. Saying how they didnt understand me. How i was different and acted weird like this for a long time now.They dont know how to help me. They talked to each other like this for along time but were whispering. I heard what i just told you. Its just im here alone while theyre all out for a garage sale in linden woods or some rich place like that. My mom was crying yesterday saying it was her fault. She said she was a bad mother and my dad said it wasnt her..that this is just me. He said i have problems that should be dealt with..but i dont know what he meant by that. I feel bad. I cried. I dont understand...and neither does she.
To top it off...i heard my dad talking to my mom before we left to go shopping. He said that he applied to go to brandon, portage, dauphin and gimli for his work. See, they will do a draw thing where his work will see the biddings people did and they will pick them to go those places. But they only pick so many. And they pick over higher sinority. My dad isnt really high sinority. I asked my mom what would happen if dad got picked to go to brandon..i said " he'll come back though after work right" ...she said "no we'd move there if he got picked. He's not going to drive 2 hours there to come 2 hours back. The draw end on the 22nd..so thats when ill find out. Just thought you should know.
"I wish i could make up my mind and live for life, change my priorities..i ask myself...do i want to even be here in this wretched world?"...i ask you